Deadlines, Interviews and Progress Reports with a Side of Breasts

The deadline for the Farmer's Daughter's Almanac was set for December 1st and holy crap, that is just around the corner. I will attempt to take all of the random histories, oral sex tips, recipes, cryptid sex articles and Cucumber Queen information and put it into something slightly more coherent. If you have a recipe or an article you would like to contribute, just drop me an email and I'll hook you up.

In other news, I talked about myself a lot at Extreme Writing Now. My favorite part was when I speculated about being at a teenage girl's seance. I beleive you can listen to my interview directly here. I of course will avoid listening to myself and will take your word for it on how I sound.

Work on the Violatrix continues and should be ready for publication in December. That way you can get your science fiction S/M killer crew from hell erotica just in time for Christmas presents!

Fiction: The Breastinomicon Part One

Claire Currie stood ready for inspection. She sucked in her stomach to make her already generous brown breasts strain against her white button shirt. The six inch heels forced her ass to push at a lovely angle against the short black miniskirt of her uniform. Her legs were already a deep shade of brown but the uniform required the black stockings anyway on her legs. To complete her outfit, her black hair was braided and tucked behind her head. Black glasses framed eyes that were eager to please.

“Unacceptable,” Mr. Dillon said. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

“Sir?” Claire said carefully. Mr. Dillon was her boss and his standards were often impossible to achieve. Considering that they were librarians for the exclusive Collette-Ashbee collection, the world’s greatest collection of written erotica, Claire had come to accept that the standards of the collection were as rare to achieve as the books they collect.

“Your breasts,” Mr. Dillon said. He placed one hand on her right breast and squeezed. “They are much too large today.”

Claire whimpered as his fingers painfully squeezed her breast. She also shivered a little for Mr. Dillon was not only a demanding boss and a cruel inflictor of punishments; but he was also quite attractive. His brown hair was cut to his head with a military shortness. Worry lines crossed his face like cracks in a leather bound book. It was the eyes that always did her in. His brown eyes were always intense; ready to correct, judge and inflict punishment at a moment’s notice.

“Can’t you make them smaller somehow?” Mr. Dillon said. “I worry that Professor Ulrich will think you were hired purely for your mammaries instead of a slightly better than average skill with handling rare books.”

Claire forced herself from responding to his comment. Most people would think he was insulting her book handling skills but Claire recognized it as a compliment.

“I do have a bra that is more, constrictive,” Claire said. “The only problem is that the bra is white and today you had scheduled me to wear a cherry red bra with matching thong.

Mr. Dillon released her breast and waved his hand in the air. “Fuck the dress code, woman! Put on whatever it takes to get those tits under control.”

Claire was taken back. In the years that she had worked for Mr. Dillon, the dress code for her lingerie was the most vigorously enforced rule. She lost count of the endless whippings with his belt that she had endured for dress code infractions. For Mr. Dillon to be dismissing the code meant that he was very tense indeed.

“Sir, you appear to be stressed regarding meeting Professor Ulrich today,” Claire said. To help his nerves, Claire unfastened the buttons on her shirt very slowly. Experience had taught her that the sight of her breasts had a calming effect on her boss. As Mr. Dillon’s assistant, it was Claire’s duty to do whatever it took to assuage his nerves.

“I have a right to be nervous,” Mr. Dillon said. He was staring at the slow reveal of her dark breasts. “Professor Ulrich collects rare erotica but because he is a lowly member of academia, he often has to sell pieces of his collection in order to finance new acquisitions.”

Claire removed her shirt and took her time folding it. It was a waste of time to fold a shirt that she planned to put right back on, but Mr. Dillon did so enjoy watching her breasts jiggle within her bra as she moved.

“Sounds to me like it is the Professor who should be nervous,” Claire said. “After all, he needs the money from us.”

She reached behind her and undid the clasp on her bra. Mr. Dillon watched as the red fabric peeled away from her skin. Sadly, the worry lines on his forehead only deepened.

“You would think, Ms. Currie,” he said. “But Professor Ulrich is that insufferable type of book collector who thinks that only he is qualified to care for erotic books and everyone else is a casual amateur who uses cheese for bookmarks and leaves books outside in the rain. Can you imagine such arrogance?”

“It is beyond my comprehension,” Claire said. Inwardly, she remembered all too well the seven inch dildo Mr. Dillon made her carry in her ass because she used the wrong cloth to clean a hardback book. Mr. Dillon did not react well to ill timed comparisons.

Claire picked up the white bra. It was a cruel monster that crushed and concealed her breasts. She only hoped Mr. Dillon understood how uncomfortable it would be for her to wear. That was a silly hope of course. All he cared about was watching her slide the bra over her plump breasts.

“Professor Ulrich has offered to sell the Ashbee-Collette Collection a total of eleven books,” Mr. Dillon said when Claire had clasped the bra. “Six of the books he had withdrawn from selling because he found fault with something done by the Librarian sent to collect the book. With three out of these six, it was a fault he found with my predecessor, Ms. Wei. With the other three, it was something he found fault with myself. I have no interest in committing a fourth offense.”

“He sounds like a complete loon,” Claire said. “How rare is the book he has now?” Claire began to button her shirt, starting from the bottom up. The white bra didn’t give her much cleavage but she hoped to tease out whatever cleavage she had left. Poor Mr. Dillon needed all that he could get.

“Today he is willing to part with the Breastinomicon,” Mr. Dillon said.

Claire froze in the process of buttoning. “The Breastinomicon? I thought it was just an urban legend.”

Mr. Dillon shook his head. “It was until a mad Frenchman decided to create a version. I have heard that it is quite impressive. Over one thousand pages of endless breast descriptions; it is written in Arabic and Latin with a splattering of a new language designed purely to describe breasts. It also contains fragments of poems and verse from older works that were equally obsessed with breasts. It is a book created by a mad man but also one hell of a breast lover. The Collette-Ashbee Collection must have this book.

“I am sure that you have nothing to worry about, sir,” Claire said. She finished the top button on her shirt and put her hands back behind her. “What could Professor Ulrich possibly find at fault with us?”

Mr. Dillon pursed his lips. He looked her over from head to toe. “You do appear much more presentable, Ms. Currie.”

Claire allowed herself a tiny smile.

“No, your insatiable sex mania might still be our undoing,” Mr. Dillon corrected himself. “You have a tendency of getting into sexual hijinks and this would not be the correct time.”

“I get into sexual hijinks?” Claire asked. A little bit of disbelief had slipped into her usual subservient tone.

“Don’t try to deny it, Ms. Currie,” Mr. Dillon said. “You are a modestly adequate librarian but your propensity towards sexual deviancy is sometimes a distraction.”

“Like the time you suggest that I stroke myself every five minutes in order to appreciate proper time management?” Claire asked.

“I may have suggested it, but you were the only who benefited from the practice,” Mr. Dillon said.

“What about the time that you had me give you a handjob while we were on the plane to this city?” Claire said.

“I merely required your assistance in personal release,” Mr. Dillon said. “You were the one that coated your fingers with the juices from your cunt in order to aid lubrication.”

“And so I assume it was my sexual hijinks that caused us to act out all twelve sexual positions in that Greek book we found yesterday?”

“Quite,” Mr. Dillon said. “I was more than willing to only do the first nine but you were the one who assured me that your anus could handle the other three positions.”

“I respectfully disagree, Mr. Dillon, but I will defer to your superior judgment when it comes to sexual deviancy.

“As well you should, Ms. Currie,” Mr. Dillon said. “Now lift your skirt. We must make sure that your greedy cunt does not ruin our chances at making a good impression.”

Claire did as she was told. She pulled her skirt up past her stockings and past her thighs to reveal her cherry red thong. A spot of dampness was clearly visible on her thong and Claire wondered if perhaps Mr. Dillon was correct in his assessment.

Mr. Dillon reached for her thong. He pulled it aside and ran his fingers over the thick bush of pubic hair that was part of her required uniform. Mr. Dillon could be old fashioned when it came to a woman’s pussy.

“I bet if I slipped two fingers into you right now, you would be wet,” Mr. Dillon said.

“You may be ri-oh yes!”

Claire shivered as Mr. Dillon’s fingers penetrated her. No foreplay or preparation for Mr. Dillon. When he set his mind to something, he goes right in.

“This is what I am talking about,” Mr. Dillon said. His fingers pumped at an unnatural speed within her. “You are as wet as a typical stewardess in a 60’s erotica novel.”

“Ahhh,” Claire said. She was having difficulty with forming complex thoughts. Mr. Dillon’s fingers were brusque and efficient and Claire was enjoying the thoughtless violation.

“Hurry up and climax, Ms. Currie,” Mr. Dillon said. “I do not have all day to finger fuck you. We have an appointment to keep.”

“Yes, sir,” Claire said. She braced her legs as she tottered on her heels. Mr. Dillon’s fingers were thrusting with relentless speed.

Mr. Dillon sighed. “You obviously need mental stimulation to finish properly.” He said this as if this was a personal defect of Claire’s.

“It may help,” Claire said between moans.

“I imagine a nymphomaniac slut like yourself would rather that I took you into the hotel hallway and let you expose your hungry cunt to every one,” Mr. Dillon said. “You would stand there happily with your skirt up and allow any one to touch you. Your greedy sex would take their fingers, their cocks and even their mouths without a second’s hesitation.”

Claire trembled and tried to stay on her heels.

“You would be available to anyone but I imagine that you would enjoy that,” Mr. Dillon said as his fingers continued to fuck her wet sex. “Your cunt would be the plaything of other hotel guests, the bellhops and even the maids. I bet you would love to have some young maid kneeling between your legs and lapping away at your sex, you shameless hussy.”

Claire shuddered. Her hands clenched her skirt. She moved her hips to match the movements of his fingers.

“But even with your sex exposed, there will always be one who will want more,” Mr. Dillon said. “Some horny older man will rip open your blouse and play with your tits. You shouldn’t let them but I know you. You wouldn’t say a word as the man pulls one of your lovely dark tits out of your bra and sinks his teeth around your nipple.

Claire cried out as her orgasm exploded between her thighs. Mr. Dillon’s fingers stroked deeper until every last shudder of pleasure was worked out of her body. She was amazed that she was still on her feet.

The fingers pulled out of her and a second later was at her lips. Claire opened her mouth and tasted herself on Mr. Dillon’s fingers. She sucked hard, enjoying to mixture of her juices and his skin.

“Now be sure to clean my fingers completely,” Mr. Dillon said. “We can’t be visiting Professor Ulrich with fingers smelling of your cunt.”

Claire’s mouth did a very thorough job.

Bag of Treats

Well hello. What wonderful costumes some of you are wearing. I especially like the guy dressed as a desperate masturbator. The utility belt filled with hand lotion is a nice touch.

My name is Scarlett Deadhansson and I was created in a laboratory by the eerie Trixie Treats as part of some sort of devious exchange program. I don't know all the details. My duties are to host Halloween today on the blog while Shon is busy shooting zombies and fighting the demon possessed eye of a Scotsman.

So let's see what treats I have for you, shall we?

First up is a classic Hammer film, "Blood of the Mummy". A very hot mummy chick is found by a group of British explorers in perfect physical condition and also bleeding from a missing hand despite being interred hundreds of years ago. They of course take her back to Britain. Terror and fabulous clothes ensue. I have it on good authority that the breasts of the lead actress, Valerie Leon, are worth watching the film alone.

I give it five twitching hands out of five.



Next up is a lovely television show that will hopefully not be cancelled like a murder in the night. "American Horror Story" is about an unhappy couple that really should have divorced moving into a house filled with more ghosts than a ghost writer's convention. Most horror stories showcase a family that threatens to disintegrate under the pressure of supernatural horror. The man in this show cheats on his wife and she fucking cuts his ass BEFORE they ever reach the house. Also, not many ghost stories has a rubber gimp. The marriage explodes in slow motion before your eyes while various ghosts, haunts and one terribly sexy maid ghost try to hurry thing along. Come for the sexy main and stay for the high number of strong female characters.

I give it five creepy rubber men out of five.



As a final treat, I shall share with you some music. Ghoultown is a band that some have called gothabilly and but I prefer to call them just plain fun. They sing about ghost stories with a western theme. Any of their songs would make for a great b-movie on a late night show. They can also actually play their instruments with a talent that matches their weirdness and let me tell you, that is pretty fucking rare. Any album is good but you might like 'Mistress of the Dark' the best. Listen to it on the video below.

I give them five howling banshees out of five.



That is all the treats I have for now. Some of you look a little paler than when we started. Some of you look a bit more flushed than you did before. I am no doctor but I was once dead, so I can safely advise you to go see a doctor. Preferably one that operates out of an old spooky mansion and wears a corset.

Until next year, or maybe sooner. Yes, I am talking about you.

Fiction: The Punishment of Trixie Treats

Trixie Treats smiled for the camera. She also held in her breath so that her green makeup covered cleavage would push as tightly as possible against the almost transparent white teddy that was part of her costume. Black lipstick lips smiled cruelly for the viewers at home.

“And that concludes tonights classless, I mean, classy movie, ‘Frankenstein versus the Vampires’. You might have fallen asleep during that piece of schlock but don’t worry, it was impossible to sleep through any good parts as there weren’t any.”

A howling wolf sounded came from the sound effects guy. Trixie sighed wistfully as if she had just been entered by a thick cock.

“The calling of the werewolf means that our time is up, dear ghouls,” Trixie said. “I must retire to my crypt and wait out the sun all alone in my coffin. If only one or maybe a few of you ghouls could come with me to keep me company. Until next week, on Trixie’s Movie Night Treats”

“And cut!” the director said. “Great job, Trixie! If anyone watches this episode, they might actually like the movie.”

Trixie snorted. “More likely that they rubbed one out during my introduction and went to bed. I’m going to wash this green shit off.”

The top-heavy horror hostess tottered over to her changing room. The white thong rode up her green ass like it always did. The stage crew pretended to not check out her ass but she knew that they were; them and everyone else in the late night Tucson area.

Trixie opened her changing room door and recoiled from the smell. It was the smell of corpses, blood and ancient horrors.

“Fuck, it smells like stagehands in here!” Trixie said.

Rough hands reached from the darkness and dragged her into the room. Trixie tried to scream but someone pressed what tasted like old bandages to her mouth. Trixie bit down on the cloth until she felt the yielding flesh of a hand.

“Ramses’ Beard! The bitch bit me!” a voice cried out.

“Igor, the lights!” another voice yelled.

The lights came on. Trixie gasped at the huge crowd that had surrounded her. The men were dressed up as monsters. There was a giant Frankenstein, a fangy Dracula, a few decomposing zombies, a pointy-eared Devil, a dripping Creature from a lagoon, some silver robots, a sinister clown and inexplicably, a giant banana with arms.

Trixie was quick to identify the weird part of this experience. “How the fuck did all of you fit inside my changing room? Usually this place is so small that I have to open a window if I want to take my tits out of my bra.”

“Vilence, varlot!” the Dracula said. Blood dripped from his fangs. “Ve are in a mavical vimbo beveen vime and vace.”

“What to the fuck now?” Trixie said. “Anyone speak venglish, I mean English?”

“I will translate,” the Devil said. “You are in a magical limbo between time and space. Specifically, you are in the crossroads of Horror and Fear, where monsters dwell in the subconscious.”

“SUBCONCIOUS!” Frankenstein yelled.

“Yeah, good boy,” Trixie said to Frankenstein. “Okay, nice prank boys. A little groppy with the hands but don’t worry, I won’t press charges for this little monster squad gangbang joke.”

Trixie kicked off her heels and stood up. “But I do want to know where you got these costumes. They are a ton better than our usual costumes. Like this zombie, I swear his head is about to fall off.”

Trixie pulled at the zombie’s face and the head fell off. Trixie looked in horror as the head rolled her feet. It looked up at her at her green breasts. The zombie smiled and licked his lips.

“Oh fuck,” Trixie said.

“You ave vocked us for the vast vime!” the Dracula yelled.

“Fucked who?” Trixie said.

“He meant that you mock us,” The Devil said. “Our movies used to excite the imagination and primal fears of mankind. We come to life based on the fears and horrors of humanity. It is a good life to exist in nightmares. You never die and the screams of your dreamers sustain you like the finest wine.”

One of the robots put their hand on Trixie’s right breast. She slapped it away. “If it is such a sweet gig, why bother me?”

“YOU FUCKED IT!” Frankenstein said.

“As my stitched friend said,” the Devil said. “Your mocking of our movies has chipped away at our place in the fears of mankind. We are becoming jokes and things of amusement. Now we are appearing in the dreams of children and pop culture blog writers.”

Trixie shrugged. “Sucks to be you,” she said.

“Vegin the vunishment!” the Dracula said.

The Frankenstein grabbed Trixie’s hair with his unforgiving grip. The Robots grabbed her hands and tied them behind her back. The Frankenstein pulled her towards a wooden contraption that looked suspiciously like a guillotine!

“Holy shit!” Trixie said. “You old farts are going to cut off my head because of a shitty late night movie show?”

The monsters laughed. They kept laughing as the Frankenstein picked Trixie up and dropped her on the guillotine so that her stomach was in the half circle depression. Trixie screamed as the bar fell across her back.

“Don’t cut me in half!” Trixie yelled.

Groans of disgust came from the monsters. “We are not your modern horrors with their drills and splatter shields,” spoke the Devil. “We believe in ironic justice and deserving victims.”

“ASS!” The Frankenstein said.

“Yes, and a little tits and ass,” the Devil said. “Your punishment shall fit your crime! We shall humiliate and cause to fear us once more!”

“Baby, I work for a late night television show, there isn’t much you can do to embarrass me,” Trixie said.

The monsters gathered around her ass. Trixie waited for them to pull her thong down but they didn’t. She did feel a large cold hand press against her ass. Considering how large and round Trixie’s ass was, she knew that only Frankenstein had a hand big enough to cup her ass like that.

“Vunish her!” Dracula screeched.

The hand pulled away and then returned to her ass with amazing force.

WHAM! The sound for Frankenstein’s hand impacting into her ass echoed throughout all of time and space.

Son of a bitch!” Trixie yelled. Her scream also echoed through time and space.

The Frankenstein spanked her. His heavy powerful hands shook her with every slap. The sheer size of his hand meant that every slap struck the entirety of her buttock.

Trixie kicked and screamed but the wooden stocks held her tight. The monsters mocked her efforts to escape and delighted in her shrieks. Every swing of Frankenstein’s hand caused her large breasts to jiggle and shake. In just a few slaps, she had fallen completely out of her baby doll.

“Even her nipples are greeeeeen,” said the Creature. He looked like he was in love.

“Hey, you got to commit to the costume,” Trixie said between wails of pain.

Her ass stung from the supernatural abuse and it didn’t look like Frankenstein was stopping any time soon. Trixie’s ass burned worse than any witch has ever suffered. She looked around desperately for a solution but all she saw was the Creature’s adoring gilly face.

“Hey Creature, OW OW OW! Let me out of here and I’ll let you rub your gills all over my tits!” Trixie said.

The Creature shook his head. “And lose a turn spanking your ass? I don’t think so.”

Frankenstein stopped spanking her and Trixie let out a sigh of relief. It was a short lived respite. It was the Dracula’s turn and whatever he lacked in enunciation he certainly compensated with the accuracy of his hand.

When the Dracula was through spanking her ass, the cold metallic hands of one of the robots took his place. The WHACK WHACK WHACK of the metal hand turned Trixie’s ass to fire.

Next were the aquatic creature and his peculiar webbed hands. After that, it was the solid clothed thumps of the Mummy’s hand. Another robot took his turn with his metal hands and then after him was the furry paw of a Werewolf. The clown had his turn and every time his hand met her ass, a small horn would honk. Even the Banana spanked her although Trixie still didn’t know what the fuck that was all about.

The Devil was the last one to spank her. His hand literally burned with the fires of Hell although Trixie wasn’t sure if it was hellfire she felt or just how sensitive her ass had become.

After a brutal period of spanking, the Devil walked around to Trixie’s front. He pulled her head up by her hair to face him. Tears had streaked down her face and left white trails in the green makeup. It didn’t stop him from taking a moment to admire her bare breasts.

“Your humiliation is almost complete,” the Devil said. “We have had our way with your ass and taught you the meaning of fear.” He never made eye contact with her as he kept staring at her breasts.

“And the meaning of a sore ass,” Trixie said. Her voice was hoarse from all of her screaming.

“Are you ready for the surprise ending?” The Devil said.

Trixie looked up at the Devil. “It was all a dream?”

The Monsters laughed. The Devil reached for her tits with his clawed hands. Trixie screamed as her large green tits were mauled by sharp nails and greedy fingers.

“No,” the Devil said. “Now we are going to spank the other half of you.”

Trixie screamed as the Devil’s hand slapped her tits. She screamed again as she saw the Monsters form a line behind the Devil. As big as her ass was, her tits were so much fucking bigger. This was going to be a lot of stinging slapping hurt.

She was definitely going to think twice before ever mocking old movie monsters again. Trixie was still going to mock them because hey, she needs a paycheck, but she would at least think twice.

Vacationus Interruptus

This Sunday I shall be traveling to Disney World and staying at one of their resort hotels. I haven't read the brochure yet, but my expectation is that Jasmine will massage my feet while Belle reads me a night time story. I shall return on Thursday but have no fear! Through the magic of auto updating, a new story will post on Wednesday! Unless I fuck it up.

In the meantime, I was interviewed over at the Liquid Whispers blog and my Prisoner of the Wizard's harem was reviewed. Go to those interview and see me talk about myself more than I do here. Go to the review and get convinced on why you should really read Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem.

I think I had more I wanted to say but really all I can think about it going to Disney and moving into the Haunted Mansion. I will see you next week.

Fiction: The Diamond Lake Sucker

“Alex, do you read me?”

“Loud and fucking clear, Pam. I can’t see a damn thing out here.”

“You don’t need to see anything. The shoulder camera is working great and I can see the whole lake on night vision.”

“Awesome. If you see that ghost who is going to suck off my face, let me know.”

“Fuck Alex, you never pay attention to any of the research we do on this show, do you?”

“Shit, no. I’m the comic relief. I wouldn’t’ even fucking be out here on this lake tonight if Victor hadn’t gotten sick. Dumb ass mother fucker.”

“You got that right. I mean, who eats something called Trout Balls? I don’t care if it is a local delicacy.”

“Who eats something has balls in the title? Other than you, Pam.”

“You wish, Alex.”

“Yeah, I do. I could go for some serious cock sucking right about now. Let me tell you, working on Ghost Patrol X has not been the pussy magnet I thought it would be.”

“Now I can’t tell if you are fucking with me or if you really are that dumb of a jock.”

“Why do you say that, Pam?”

“Because you are making blowjob jokes while looking for the Diamond Lake Sucker! You know, the only ghost reported to give people blowjobs?”

“What? Are you shitting me, Pam?”

“Fuck, you really are that stupid. Yes, the Diamond Lake Sucker is some slut camp counselor named Jackie Voren. She drowned in the company of another counselor. At the first the police thought the guy drowned her, but he confessed that she was under the water sucking his dick and that she got swept by a current.”

“I didn’t know lakes even had currents.”

“Hey, that’s a good point. Anyway, this girl drowned and like a year later, people say that they see her ghost and she comes out of th-“

“FUCK, WHAT IS THAT? PAM! PAM! DO YOU FUCKING SEE THIS?”

“Nothing is on the camera, Alex. What do you feel? Is it a cold spot? A strange sensation on your neck? A weird feeling in your stomach?”

“THERE IS A GOD DAMN NAKED CHICK WALKING TOWARDS ME!”

“Alex! The camera isn’t showing anything! I just see a lake! Calm down!”

“You fucking calm down, Pam! I see a chick, and she’s naked and she is glowing bright white light! It is a fucking ghost! A real one, not the bullshit we pretend to see all the time!”

“Alex, listen to me, there is nothing on camera! If this is a real spectral encounter, you got to report it! Tell me what you see and we can record it for the show.”

“FUCK YOU, PAM! I AM GETTING THE HELL OU- hey, this chick has huge knockers!”

“Okay, that is a start. How big are her knockers, Alex? And keep it clean. Just because we are a cable show don’t mean we can drop F-bombs.”

“Okay, okay. The ghost is walking towards me and she got big ones. Bigger than yours, Pam. But she isn’t chubby like you. She’s all fit and shit.”

“Gee, thanks, Alex.”

“And hey, she’s smiling at me. Oh shit, she’s going to drag me to Hell or something!”

“Calm down, Alex! No one has reported a bad experience with her! Actually what they report is either very little or something preposterous like she gave them a blowjob.”

“Hey cool, she’s trying to unzip my pants!”

“All I see is your belt coming undone, Alex. Can you describe the entity?”

“She’s a hot blonde with big tits, Pam. She got a bikini bottom on and it has polka dots. She is all white and she is winking at me.”

“Oh God, I just saw your boner!”

“I know, right? She’s kissing my cock!”

“What is the opposite of a bucket list, Alex? Cause seeing your dick is definitely one of the things I did not want to do before I died.”

“Oh fuck, yes.”

“Alex? Talk to me. I’m not looking at the screen. What is happening?”

“It is awesome, Pam. She has my cock deep in her mouth. I can feel the back of her throat. Do ghosts have throats? Because I totally feel it.”

“Eww. Try to keep it clean for the audience and for my sanity.”

“And now is really getting into it. She keeps looking at me and she grabs her tits. Her fingers just sink into those ghost pillows. I know she is dead and all but her mouth is so warm.”

“Oh god, I just took a peek at the monitor and I just see you cock bouncing up and down.”

“That’s now what I see. I see a champion cocksucker. Shit, too bad this girl is a ghost because it was a crime for such a great cocksucker to die so young!”

“Try touching her. Maybe we can collect some ectoplasm.”

“I am going to shoot my ectoplasm all over her!” FUCK! I tried to touch her tits and my hand went right through her. That is some freaky shit.”

“More freaky than getting your cock sucked by a dead girl?”

“Shit, this dead girl can suck my cock any time.”

“I just checked the EMP readings and they are off the chart. Did you hear me, Alex?”

“Uhhh,”

“Alex, what is wrong?”

“Mmm,”

“Fuck Alex, don’t get killed out there! Be safe you stupid jerk!”

“Fuck, YES! OHHHH! Damn, Pam, can’t you shut up for one minute while I bust a nut here?”

“What? OH GOD! I just looked at the screen and there is come every where!”

“Really? I don’t see shit. Ghost Girl is gone. Fuck, where did my belt go?”

“Damn, no one is going to believe this, are they Alex? We have no video, some weird EMP readings and your cock spraying jizz every where.”

“Fuck that shit, Pam. I’m going to rent a house by this fucking lake.”

Dirty Books: Lay Me Odds

"Lay Me Odds" By Rod Gray is book two in the Lady from L.U.S.T spy series. Rod Gray is most likely a man named Gardner Fox but house names being what they were, it is never a guarantee. What I do know for sure is this book was a crazy ride.

Eve Drum is a hot secret agent woman who can pick locks, shoot guns with awesome accuracy, ski like an Olympic athlete and is a master of Karate. She also has no problem creating a stripper act on short notice, assuming the role of a dominating mother to a psychologically scarred submissive male and fucking who she needs to for information. She is Bond with much better tits.

See, back in the 60's, publishing James Bond stories was printing money. Everyone else liked money so they made their own versions of Bond. I like to imagine that in the 60's, every other person at a gambling table was a spy. Some companies changed up the formula by making their secret agent American while other companies went further and made their agent a woman. Some smart companies realized that sex was the biggest appeal of Bond and went straight to porn stories. The Lady from L.U.S.T. fits snuggly into this category like a great bosom in a tight sweater.

That bosom in a tight sweater joke I made just now? That is what qualifies as porn in this book. In 150 pages I think I read four sex scenes and in some cases, I missed the sex scene because they happened in one sentence. For a book that is very frank about the subject of sex, there wasn't a lot of actual sex.

What there was a lot of was talking about sex. Before Eve has a threesome, she takes a moment to explain some historical practices of threesomes, what it is called in different languages and which countries are more open to threesomes than others. Even something as straight forward as stripping gets a lengthy explanation about the origins of stripping and what effect it has on the male psyche. It reads less like sex and more like sex education.

My wife mocked this aspect of the book but I was oddly unsurprised. I stopped reading most BDSM novels because I am sick to death of reading about characters justifying/explaining about why they enjoy BDSM. Too many BDSM books read like thesis papers on domination psychology. I sympathize because so many people in the BDSM community need to be told that what they like is normal and doesn't make them freaks. I understand why BDSM books feel the need to soothe their readers but after I have read the tenth theory on why BDSM is normal, I get a little sick of the subject. I guess in the 60's, people needed the same level of psychological soothing to help them get through a threesome.

This is not to say that the book wasn't sexy. Despite the discussion of sex and the micro short sex scenes, the rest of the book is spent with over the top action sequences and flirting. Holy shit, a sex book the flirts? It is like seeing a black lesbian unicorn. Eve shows off her stockings, makes suggestive comments, jokes, discusses how her ass and breasts look in different clothes and is an all round sexy gal. What the book lacks in out right sex it more than makes up for in teasing.

I should mention the plot. See, she has a contact who is supposed to give her some microfilm but agents of H.A.T.E have killed the guy and now . . . You know what? Who gives a fuck about the plot? All you need to know is that Eve fights some bad guys, spends most of her time in gambling places and divides men into people she can seduce and men she has to shoot. This is the rare book about sex and action that never spends too much time on either.

I give it Four out of Five Pam Griers

Old Shon Critiques the Shit Out of Young Shon

I have been quiet as of late because I have been spending way too much time digging up my oldest stories and getting them into a publishable format. I started posting stories to the internet in 1997 and finding them online is getting a bit harder and harder to do. My fans have asked for some sort of collection that they can purchase and who am I to argue with people's money?

Actually I have been arguing quite a bit. I was not fond of my earliest work. My first year of writing were all parodies and satires on the erotica genre. Older me recognizes that younger me was writing comedy because it was a safety net. If the story was poorly made; hey that was my intent because it was just comedy. I also had very weird grammar perceptions and just seeing two spaces after every comma is enough to make me get stomach pains.

Once again I was my own worse critic. Once I delved into my first stories again, I saw a lot of things that I liked. There were a lot of things I hated but hey, at least now there are things I like.

In my first story alone, I parodied bondage, blackmail, orgies, deathtraps, mud wrestling and a celebrity sex scene. What I lacked in story craft I sure as fuck made up for with ambition. I respect that. I would never recommend that to a newbie writer now but maybe I am wrong. By tackling so many subjects in my first story, I am not sure if I did any of them justice but I at least dipped my toes in those topics. By keeping them all in the same story, I got to see different sides of the same characters which I don't think ever hurts a writer.

What I don't respect is how ignorant I was of copyright laws. Holy crap. Because I thought I was just writing stories for the internet, I never thought I would be in a position to make money from them. I used real life celebrities as characters and a shit ton of comic book references. Worse, one of my main characters, Kiko, wears an outfit identical to the X-Men, Psylocke, and references this at least once per story.

To counter this, I have begun a great conversion process. Instead of Psylocke, Kiko now dresses up as the fictional superheroine, Ninjina. When Kiko took on the evil cosplayers, instead of fighting Wonder Woman, Supergirl and Batgirl, she's fighting Amazon Woman, Ultragirl and Foxgirl. I am conflicted about how this plays out but shit, at least now it is legal.

More problematic is Kiko vs the NWO. Back in the late 90's, the NWO was an exciting evil organization in professional wrestling. In my story, Kiko fucks most of them. Yeah, that is a problem. Changing names would be pointless as I would also need to change signature moves, likenesses, in-jokes etc. At least in the previous story, Kiko was fighting cosplayers instead of actual licensed characters. In the case of the NWO, the story might as well be called Kiko vs the Licensed Characters of a Billion Dollar Company.

What helps me make my decision is that Kiko vs the NWO is my least favorite story ever written by me. I wrote it during a period where I felt compelled to write "something" and so I went with the first shit idea I had. It shows. I am not going to include it in the collection though I will have a note about it's absence.

I am sharing these trials in the hope that any newbie writers out there who think it would be hilarious to have their original character interact with Dr. House would reconsider. Have your character interact with a Dr. House like character and you will thank me 14 years later when you are trying to compile your great archive vanity project.

On a completely different observation, I saw something in my older stories that I hadn't expected and that was plot. I read a lot of first stories by erotica writers and there is a 90% chance that it will be sexy stranger having sex with sexy narrator. I understand that these are prototype stories where the writers are trying to prove to themselves that they can write connected paragraphs but to me they are instant insomnia cures. If they gave them a tiny bit of plot like say, sexy stranger thinks the narrator is their ex, then it elevate their stories from late night masturbation fantasies to something worth reading and remembering.

I might not think Bikini Brothel is the finest thing I have ever written but at least there is a brothel in danger of going broke and an idiot owner who wants to fix it. A plot should always make the reader ask "What happens next?". You might not think your porn story needs it, but trust me, it helps a lot.

*Image is of the talented Yaya cosplaying as Psylocke.

Fiction: Kiss of the Nebula

Explorer’s Log: My current location is a day’s voyage from the star system designated, Queen’s Lack of Mercy, by Royal Astronomers. Scanners have picked up a cluster of sixty-eight ships floating around a micro-nebula. All of the ships are broadcasting a distress signal of some kind. Scanners have detected no life signs. Royal Navy Protocol #4 states that in this situation, I am advised to stay the fuck away from where other starships have died. I however have decided to risk further investigation in hopes of finding something worthy to bring back to the Queen. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Yeah my official reason was a flat out lie. It has been months since I have been properly fucked and according to one of the distress signals I found, this micro-nebula might be the best chance I have of getting laid for light years around.

Vaquel Di sat in front of the transmission screen. She was completely naked except for the shiny lotion she had smeared over her dark brown body. She had one hand on her heavy breast while her other hand was buried in her cunt. Her short pink hair was plastered to her forehead with the sweat of masturbating for a solid hour.

“Computer, replay distress message again,” Vaquel ordered.

The face of a blue woman filled the screen. She was topless and bending towards the monitor. Her sapphire breasts bounced as something green and black fucked her from behind. The blue woman looked at the screen and moaned before she began talking.

“This is Captain Acebo of the survey ship, Curiosity! We are trapped in a micro-nebula that is draining our power cells!”

The woman tried to say something more but a red hand caressed her face. Two fingers slipped into the blue woman’s mouth and gagged her. Captain Acebo closed her eyes and her cheeks caved in as she sucked on the fingers. Vaquel watched as the woman’s breasts continued to bounce as the fucking continued.

When Captain Acebo’s eyes opened again, she pulled her mouth away from the fingers and addressed the monitor again.

“The micro-nebula is fucking me and my crew. I don’t understand how. I suspect it draws on our inhibitions through some sort of telepathy. When the power cells were being drained, we had the resources to fix it but most of my crew just wanted to fuck. Fuck, I want to fuck. Even though life-support will fail in three hou-ohhhhh!”

Whatever Captain Acebo had to say was forgotten as her eyes widened in shock. The blue woman fell towards the screen and cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

Vaquel stroked faster. She recognized an anal penetration when she saw one.

“Gods of the Moon!” Captain Acebo said. “Right there! Tear my ass up!”

Vaquel watched as the Captain cried out again. The Captain’s face and breasts dominated the screen but Vaquel had glimpses of the micro-nebula. Indistinct shapes moved behind the Captain, sometimes taking the form of a muscular man or a curvy woman. Cocks grew out of the cloud and rubbed against the Captain’s skin. Mouths appeared out of nowhere and kissed the Captain’s breasts.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel cried out as she climaxed again. She kept stroking as Captain Acebo moaned from the anal assault.

“End transmission,” Vaquel said. The screen turned off and Vaquel looked at the computer display of the micro-nebula. It was a deathtrap that had already claimed so many spaceships. Vaquel should stay the fuck away from it.

Her cunt clenched. Vaquel was tired of fingers and vibrators. Most of all, she was tired of masturbation. She wanted to fuck.

The brilliant explorer made a few calculations. She surveyed the size of the micro-nebula. She reviewed the data that was transmitted from the other distress signals. Vaquel shook her pink hair out of her eyes and made her plans.

Vaquel stood up and went to the hallway of the Deep Space Probe.

“Computer, follow the course I programed and initiate maximum thrust.”

“Compliance,” the computer announced.

The Deep Space Probe shuddered. Maximum thrust was rarely needed. It was usually only needed for emergencies. Vaquel considered the hungry feeling in her cunt to count as an emergency.

The micro-nebula came closer. The Deep Space Probe was hurtling towards it at fantastic speeds. The Probe was aimed for the heart of the micro-nebula, the course designed for maximum immersion inside the cursed space.

“Cut engines!” Vaquel yelled.

The hum of the Deep Space Probe turned to silence as the solar sails powered down. The forward momentum however was undeterred. Two seconds later, the Deep Space Probe was inside the micro-nebula.

Vaquel felt her ears pop. The walls of the Deep Space Probe blurred as the red and black mist seeped in. Shapes took form before her. It was a confusing mix of male and female bodies, which considering how horny Vaquel was, she was eager to accept either option.

Something smooth gripped her waist. She laughed as she was lifted from her feet. Multiple hands pried apart her thighs to a flexibility that she had forgotten that she had.

“Fuck!” Vaquel cried out as something entered her. Something thick, hard, rough and unforgiving pushed into her cunt. She moaned as it filled her completely and then she shuddered as it went even deeper.

In front of her, blue mist took shape in front of her brown breasts. Faces appeared out of the mist and Vaquel was not surprised to that both faces looked like Captain Acebo. Each blue face dived on a breast and sharp teeth nibbled on Vaquel’s hard nipples.

As the twin Captain’s sucked her breasts, a pale white cock took shape before Vaquel’s face. She licked her lips as the white cock stiffened inches away from her face. A body grew around the cock and it was a strange almost reptilian looking species that Vaquel had never seen before. The four balls hanging below the cock promised more come than she could ever swallow.

The white creature grabbed Vaquel by her short pink hair and pulled her mouth to his cock. She opened her jaw and took as much of his cock as she could. He tasted like leather and his cock seemed to drain the spit from her mouth with every lick she gave him. He buried his cock in her mouth till his four balls pressed urgently against her chin.

The lights flickered inside the Deep Space Probe. The energy draining was taking effect. Vaquel tried to look around the white reptilian creature to look out the main window but everywhere she looked was cocks, breasts, asses, hands and faces.

Why did a micro-nebula have faces?

Vaquel forgot the question as something pressed against her ass. While the long cock was still thrusting inside her cunt, another cock was pushing into her anus. She groaned as something cold and smooth pushed apart her buttocks. She shuddered as her ass was slowly violated in that most intimate manner.

The twin faces of Captain Acebo were squeezing and kissing her breasts. The white creature fucked her face. The cock inside her cunt never stopped thrusting. The cock in her ass was content to move ever so slowly in and out of her ass.

Vaquel screamed her orgasm but the cock in her mouth gagged her sounds of pleasure.

The lights failed and emergency power kicked in. Vaquel could still see because the creatures in the nebula glowed with their own light. What she couldn’t tell was if the Deep Space Probe was still being carried by it’s momentum through the micro-nebula. She knew she wouldn’t know the answer to that for at least another five minutes.

The cock in her mouth climaxed. Just as she expected, a flood of come filled her mouth and gushed out of her lips. She choked on the salty come and was relieved when the cock pulled out of her mouth.

She looked down on the blue faces playing with her brown tits. She grabbed the shifting yellow hair of one of the faces and pulled it up to her own. After months of being alone, Vaquel was dying for a kiss.

The nebula facsimile of Captain Acebo was a delightful kisser. The blue woman licked the come off of Vaquel’s lips before slipping her tongue into Vaquel’s mouth. Vaquel wondered if this was some sort of absorbed spirit of the real Captain Acebo or merely a recreation from Vaquel’s own desire. A minute of intense kissing later and Vaquel didn’t care.

The cock in Vaquel’s cunt filled her with nebula come and then bulled out. A mouth, hairy and gifted with a deep tongue took the cock’s place between Vaquel’s dark thighs. Vaquel moaned into Captain Acebo’s mouth as she felt someone eat her pussy for the first time in months. Four licks later, she came again.

The whine of an air processor told Vaquel that life support just failed. The Deep Space Probe was not a big ship and the loss of life support meant that she would suffocate in less than thirty minutes.

The cock in her ass climaxed and pulled out. Probing fingers pushed into her ass instead.

Groping hands caressed her hips. Sharp nail dug into her flesh in delicious ways.

Her plump breasts were pressed tightly against a throbbing cock of unbelievable size. The cock fucked the valley of her tits until a geyser of come covered her breasts.

Someone bit her right ear. Someone else licked her left ear.

The blue woman kissed Vaquel with alternating tenderness and lust.

“Fuck us,” the blue woman whispered. “Fuck us forever and ever and ever and-“

Vaquel fell to the floor as the micro-nebula vanished. She looked towards the rear of the ship as she saw the retreating shapes reach for her. The shapes rapidly faded away as the forward momentum of the Deep Space Probe carried itself completely out of the micro-nebula.

The emergency lights came back on. It would be another few minutes before the solar sails sucked up enough power to activate the life support. It would be another ten minutes before she had any sort of navigation control.

Vaquel touched her lips. They were bruised from the force of the Captain Acebo facsimile’s kissing. Her cunt ached for the wonderful fucking. Her ass was tender from magnificent invasions. Her nipples were sore and sensitive.

She wondered about shapes. Some of those bodies were things that Vaquel had never imagined. Vaquel wondered about the words that Captain Acebo’s phantom had spoken. Perhaps the micro-nebula held all of the people it had killed. Maybe they were engaged in an endless orgy, luring more people to add to their numbers.

It was a pleasant fantasy. Vaquel masturbated as she waited for the power to be restored.

Fiction: Pussy-sitting

Crystal was bored. She was also horny but her dominant boyfriend, Robert, was away for the weekend. There would be no spankings, no bondage and no fucking until he got back from his trip on Monday.

She looked at the white board with his instructions. Robert had a picture of her naked, posted on the board. He had written instructions over various parts of her nude brown body. He wanted her to wear nipple clamps on her black nipples for half an hour a day. He wanted her no underwear over her full bush of pubic hair. He wanted her to wear red lipstick and suck on a dildo for an hour every day. She was allowed no orgasms.

Crystal shook her head. She was wearing a pair of shorts over her very plain white panties. Instead of walking around topless all day, she choose to wear her rather ugly blue bra that was very comfortable. Instead of going without sex, Crystal had already brought herself to orgasm in the shower this morning.

It wasn’t that Crystal was a bad submissive. Okay, she admitted to herself, maybe she was. She loved sucking on Robert’s white cock while he spanked her. She loved it when he humiliated her while slapping her heavy breasts. She would do almost anything for him and pretty much had, but she liked doing things for him when he was there to appreciate it. She didn’t get that delicious hungry thrill in her pussy when she submitted to him without him there.

There was a knock at the door. Crystal smiled. See? This is why it isn’t practical to be naked all weekend; she still had to answer the door.

Outside was a man that Crystal had never seen before. He was a white guy with dark hair and he looked like he just came from the gym. Wiry muscles peeked out from his tank top and cords of muscles wrapped around his legs. The most curious thing about him was his eyes. They had the same coldness in them that Robert’s eyes did.

“My name is Tom,” he said. “Robert wants you to listen to this.”

He handed a cell phone to Crystal. There was a voicemail and it was from Robert’s phone.

“Tom, its Robert. Look, I’m going to be out of town this weekend and I would appreciate it if you would check in on my sub this weekend. Crystal is a good girl but she never follows instructions. Could you check on her? My instructions are on the board. If she disobeyed, punish her as you wish. Also, use her as you wish. The horny slut needs to be fucked often. Thanks.”

Crystal’s heart pounded in her chest. Her stomach felt like it was going to collapse in on itself. She was also wet as hell.

“Come on in,” she said.

Terror gripped her as he walked in. She had an urge to run and hide the white board. Her hands went to unclasp her bra but she hesitated. Stripping now would be like an admission of guilt. Besides, was she really going to let this stranger fuck her just because Robert gave her to him?

Tom read the board in silence. He shook his head once and looked at her. His eyes promised correction and punishment.

Oh yes. Crystal knew right then that she would let Tom do whatever the fuck he pleased.

“Is this the proper clothes that Robert instructed?” Tom asked.

“No, sir,” Crystal said.

“Take off your bra, now,” Tom said.

Crystal did as he asked. There was a quick and fast way and then there was the way that Crystal was doing it. She put her hands behind her back and arched her breasts forward. She took her time as her fingers undid the clasp. When the clasp was free, she held the cups to her breasts while she unslung the straps. Only at the last moment did she reveal her nipples as she let the bra drop to the floor.

Tom didn’t complain about how long she took. Men never did. It gave them time to appreciate her large breasts and the rich brown tones of her skin. It allowed men to speculate on the color of her nipples before she revealed that they were a dark brown that was almost black with large aureoles that you would have to use a saucer to cover them with.

Crystal gloated a little as Tom’s drank in her magnificent breasts. She knew he was smitten. His punishments would not be as harsh as she deserved.

The gloating feeling faded as Tom walked up to her. His eyes were not of admiration. All he saw was tools for his cruelty.

His hand went to her right breast. Expert fingers pinched the hard nipple. With a minimal effort, he twisted.

“Ow!” Crystal cried out. She made no move to stop him.

“Have you clamped your nipples today as you were instructed?” Tom asked.

“Yes!” Crystal lied.

His fingers twisted tighter. Her breast came to live with tendrils of pain shooting through her. She also noticed that her cunt was so damn wet.

“No, no, I haven’t!” she shouted.

He released her nipple. The tension disappeared but her nipple ached with lingering pain. As she let out a sigh of relief, the first slap landed on her breast.

WHAM! Tom had slapped the top of her left breast, creating an unequal match to the precise pain on her right nipple.

“This is for disobeying your instruction,” Tom said. Disdain dripped from each word. “A sub who can’t obey instructions is just a slut who plays at being kinky.”

Crystal’s cheeks burned at the insult. Before she could respond, Tom had slapped the underside of her right breast. The unexpected angle of the slap stole her breathe away as she processed the new pain.

“If you were my sub,” Tom said as he kept slapping her breasts, “I would have thrown you out of my apartment just as you are. Topless, you could knock at my door all day and I wouldn’t let you back in. You would have to drive home, or walk if you didn’t bring your car. It wouldn’t matter to me. A disobedient slut is not my concern.”

As he berated her, his hand kept slapping. He would strike the underside of one breast and then the top of the other. He alternated between her breasts, covering them with slaps from top to bottom. The force of her slaps would lift her breasts when he wasn’t flattening them.

Crystal gritted her teeth and took it. Her breasts became hyper sensitive with every slap. The size of her breasts became a detriment as they transformed into sensitized flesh for her discomfort.

“In fact,” Robert said between slaps. “Maybe I should kick you out right now. Robert is too good for you. You obviously don’t respect him. What do you think, should I throw you out of his place?”

“No, OUCH, sir!” Crystal cried. Her voice broke as he slapped her between words. I will follow each and every instruction, I swear! “

The slapping stopped. Tom looked unconvinced of her sincerity.

“Take off your offending clothes,” he said.

Crystal didn’t put on a show this time. She unzipped her shorts and let them drop. She had to pull her panties down, which forced her tender breasts to swing downward. She cried out as the tender flesh collided with each other but she pulled her panties off as fast as possible. She stood back up and put her hands behind her back. Crystal also parted her legs just like Robert had taught her.

“It looks like you learned something from Robert,” Tom said. He reached between her thighs. His fingers pushed through the bush of hair and against her sex. The wet lips opened easily for his fingers.

“Oh shit,” Crystal gasped.

“And you are just as horny as Robert said you would be,” Tom said. “I take it that you ignored his instruction and masturbated?”

Crystal licked her lips and made a decision. “Yes, I did. This morning, sir.”

“I see,” Tom said. “Go put on the lipstick that you are supposed to wear and come back here.”

“Yes, sir!” Crystal snapped. He didn’t slap her for admitting her guilt. For a brief moment, she regretted telling the truth. As she quickly walked to the bathroom, her bouncing breasts reminded her of how painful punishment could be. No, she was going to be good for at least a little while.

The bathroom mirror reflected her punishment back at her. The red hand prints on her dark breasts glowed in the soft light. She was so taken by the sight of her new marks that she almost forgot why she was here. Crystal took her red lipstick and went to work applying it to her lips.

She smiled as the red gloss covered her lips. Tom no doubt was going to make her obey Robert’s instructions but Crystal had a feeling that she wouldn’t be sucking on a dildo. Tom had permission to use her and Crystal knew that no man could resist her full lips. Her cunt tingled at the thought of sucking his cock.

Crystal returned to the living room and tried her best not to prance in. She had her hands behind her back and even kept her head down. Outside, she was the picture of a submissive woman. Inside, she was hungry at the thought of sucking cock.

“Go the dinner table,” Tom said.

A pink dildo waited for her on the table. It was the one with the wide base and he had set it to stand up on the table. Crystal realized that Tom must know where Robert keeps the sex toys. She wondered what else Tom knew about her.

“You have an hour to make up,” Tom said. “Bend over at the waist and stuck the dildo on the table.”

Crystal puckered her lips. “Wouldn’t you rather I suck your cock instead?”

Tom pulled off his belt. Crystal’s mouth watered until he snapped the belt in his hand.

“Do I have to whip your ass before I throw it outside?” he asked.

“Fuck,” Crystal said to herself. She hurried to the table and bent over it. The fact that her round brown ass was exposed for his belt never left her mind for a moment. She opened her lips and took the dildo into her mouth. Just to make sure that he knew what he was missing, Crystal relaxed her throat and took all of the dildo into her mouth.

As she went down, her tender breasts pressed against the table. She winced as her breasts flattened against the table. All the slaps came back to life as the table touched her sensitive flesh.

She couldn’t see his reaction. The sound of a zipper being pulled down made her moan. Crystal wiggled her hips back and forth as she continued sucking the dildo. She heard him take off his pants and she knew she had him. Tom couldn’t resist her.

A hand pushed between her thighs. Still bent over, she parted her legs. Tom’s fingers pushed against her bush of pubic hair and into her sex. Crystal moaned as one, then two and finally three fingers entered her.

The fingers thrusted inside her. Crystal choked on the dildo but she kept sucking. If he was going to finger fuck her while she sucked, well, Crystal was okay with that.

The fingers moved away. Crystal whined as much as the dildo in her mouth would let her. A minute later, the fingers returned. She trembled as the fingers thrust inside her, once, twice, three times before pulling away.

“Now I’m ready,” Tom said. “Put your thighs together, tight.”

Crystal did as he asked. She also kept sucking the dildo on the table. Spit was flowing down the dildo as she sucked.

With her thighs tight together, Crystal felt something push between her legs, right below her sex. It was a cock. It was slick and Crystal understood that he had coated himself with her own juices.

“Keep your legs together, slut,” Tom said. He began to fuck.

Crystal whimpered. In and out his cock slid between her thighs just a few inches away from her pussy. One minor adjustment and he would be in her. A small tilt of her hips and she could be riding his cock.

For one brief moment, she thought about doing it. The pain in her breasts stopped her. She had no wish to feel his belt or anything else he would inflict on her.

He fucked her thighs. Every thrust made her struggle with her balance. Her poor breasts bounced against the table and Crystal had to work to keep suycking the dildo. Hands on her hips, he fucked her with a passion that made Crystal drip with desire. The fact that her desire was dripping down her thighs and onto the cock that was denied her only heightened her need.

She wanted to beg for his cock but she had her orders. Crystal had no doubt that if she stopped sucking, terrible things would happen. It was awkward as hell to stay bent over, sucking a dildo while a man fucked her thighs, but Crystal had no choice. No matter how wet and horny she was, she knew that she had to obey.

Still, she was awfully wet. Tom was fucking her faster now. His cock was coated in her own juices. She needed that cock.

Temptation warred within her. A shift of her hips and he would be inside her. Or she could reach between her legs and stroke herself. It wouldn’t take her long to come, she knew it.

What held her back was Robert. She didn’t want to imagine how he would react when Tom told her that she had disobeyed. Crystal didn’t want to compound it by adding new sins. Robert would punish her. He might even break up with her. Worse of all, he would be disappointed with her.

Crystal kept her hands where the belonged. She kept sucking on the dildo as Tom fucked her thighs.

He came. She felt the spurt of seed spray along her thigh and then onto the carpet. There was none for her.

“Keep sucking until your hour is up,” he said. She heard him putting his clothes back on. “Do the rest of your tasks as well. I may come back tonight, or tomorrow. Either way, I may fuck you if you have done your tasks as instructed.”

Crystal whimpered at the thought of a fucking. She felt his seed dripping down her dark thighs. She had never been used in such an unsatisfying manner before.

The door opened and closed. Tom was gone.

Crystal had a choice. She could stand up and stop sucking the dildo. She could jam that dildo into herself in climax in less than a minute. She could put some damn clothes back on and put some aloe on her tits. Tom might not even be back tonight.

Crystal kept sucking the dildo. He might not be back tonight, or he might. Either way, Crystal wanted to be fucked. She would play by the rules.

At least for now.

Dirty Books: House of Holes

House of Holes (a book of Raunch) is a delightfully dirty book by Nicholson Baker. It is about a magical sexual playground where any sexual fantasy can be fulfilled for a price, and if you don't have the money for it, you can certainly work it off. Want a larger dick? Are you willing to give up your arm for an indefinite amount of time? Want to have a larger ass? Okay but you may have to work awhile at the Wall of Asses and let strangers spank you. Want to have sex with a guy with a great body but no head? They have a room for that.

As you might imagine, this book is very surreal. It is also really dirty. There are no main characters as the book flits around to different characters who sometimes reappear and sometimes never appear again. Magic abounds with pseudo-sexual theory. In no way is this book meant to be taken seriously which helps creates a mood very similar to a quick masturbation fantasy.

The upside to this surreality is the lack of time wasted. Most reviews I have read can't even quote a passage from the book because it is filled with sex. The downside to this is that characters are rarely deeper than a description of their bodies and their libido. I don't think any character had a last name and towards the end I was getting greatly confused on whether I was reading about a new character or someone that I saw several chapters ago. It is a lot like an orgy that way.

There is a shitload of imagination in this book. The Pussyboard lets women surf using their pussies for control. The Groanroom is completely dark and no talking is allowed but other sounds are. They have a Handjob Cumshot competition and a gift shop. The book is more like an anthology of sex and crazy ideas.

The only real disappointment I had was the lack of representation of homosexual sex. As an erotic writer, I understand that it can be impossible to write about sex that you don't care for, but I usually at least include homosexual characters. With all the name dropping of special rooms and services, it would have been nothing for Baker to mention in passing that a male couple was headed somewhere. Considering that the House of Holes was supposed to be a place for any fantasy, this omission was terribly glaring.

Having said that, this is the most imaginative erotica book I have read from a mainstream publisher. Silly, light and devoid of deeper meaning, this book goes over the top and stays there. I found it to be a lot of fun but I had to read it in smaller bites than most books because the lack of a main character made it hard to follow.

I give it Three out of Five Pam Griers

Fiction: Transmission

Explorer’s Log: I am half way through my 30 day voyage to the star system designated, Queen’s Lack of Mercy, by Royal Astronomers. Deep Space Probe Ship is functioning at peak efficiency. The nutrient pod had a slight malfunction that took ten hours to fix but I had nothing else better to do. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: It has been so long since I have seen a live person; I would happily let any of my ex’s murder me and wear my body as a suit if they would just fuck me first.

Vaquel Di sat in the navigation pod of the Deep Space Probe. She was nude except for the purple panties she was wearing. Vaquel had started wearing underwear again when she realized that she was leaving wet spots wherever she sat.

Her fingers were in her panties, idly stroking at her sex. The lack of contact was starting to get to her. Masturbating with her dildoes and the modified vibrator in the exercise pod was losing its thrill. Watching that strange alien porn that she had discovered on the last planet no longer was enough to get her off. She was still horny, but she was so used to masturbating that she was finding it harder and harder to climax.

“Twenty year mission,” Vaquel said out loud. She had no idea how she was going to make it. In the past, the royal Navy used to man the Deep Space Probes with a male and a female explorer. Unfortunately, 96% of the explorers ended up killing their crewmate due to the prolonged cohabitation in a confined space. Now they send hundreds of probes out every year manned by only one person.

Something beeped in the navigation pod. Vaquel had never heard that sound before. It took her a minute to locate the source. There was an incoming transmission!

“This is Deep Space Probe Explorer Ship, number eighty-two, sending out a transmission to any other Deep Space Probe Explorers. Please respond!”

Vaquel’s cunt clenched around her fingers. It was a male voice! She pulled her wet fingers out and pressed the transmission button.

“Deep Space Explorer Ship number eighty-two, this is Probe Ship number forty-nine responding to your call. My name is Vaquel Di.”

“Praise the Queen, a woman!” the male voice responded. “My name is Kallas Wod. I am bouncing this signal off a comet and I calculate that we only have ten minutes before the connection is broken. Set your vid monitor to twenty xors and we should have visual connection!”

Vaquel didn’t have to be told twice. Another explorer and a male at that! For a split moment, Vaquel debated putting some sort of shirt on. Fuck it. If the male didn’t like big brown tits, than Vaquel had no use for him.

She set the vid monitor and the transmission came in. In an identical navigation pod, a tall pale Euphorian sat in his chair. He was naked and had his hard cock already in hand.

“Queen of us all, you are so beautiful,” Kallas said. “Could you please take off your underwear? I haven’t seen cunt in almost a year!”

“Of course,” Vaquel answered. She tore her panties off in record time. She sat back in her chair and propped her legs to either side of the vid monitor. Vaquel ran her fingers through the pink hairs of her pubic bush. The explorer pulled her lips apart so that he could get a better look.

Kallas moaned. It was a sad mournful sound that only a fellow explorer could make.

“Show me your balls,” Vaquel said. She had no trouble giving him orders. Her need overwhelmed any sort of protocol. She stroked her cunt with both hands as she waited.

Kallas stood up and cupped his balls in one hand.

“They are so suckable,” Vaquel said. “Would you like it if I suck your balls into my mouth?”

“Yes,” Kallas moaned. He sat back down and continued stroking. “Hold your tits for me. I haven’t touched a nipple in so long.”

Vaquel reluctantly pulled one hand away from her cunt and grabbed one of her tits. She squeezed hard and rolled the dark nipple between her fingers. The pain was delicious but not as nice as watching Kallas’ mouth open in bliss.

“I’d love to have your face between my tits,” Vaquel said.

“I would love to climax all over them,” Kallas said.

They stroked together. Each one stared at the other in lust and wonder. They might not be able to touch but just the brief connection of sight was driving them mad. All of Vaquel’s darkest urges were rising to the top.

“I want to fuck your face,” Vaquel said. “I want to sit on you and smother you with my cunt, fucker. I want to ride your cock and break it off in my fucking cunt. I want you so deep in my cunt that you never come out.”

Kallas didn’t stop stroking for a second. “I want to rape your mouth,” he said. “I want to bite your tits and claim them as mine. I want to fuck your ass until you scream. I will take you mouth, your cunt and your ass as many times as I want.

The transmission wavered. Both of them froze in mid stroke. When the transmission stabilized, both of them stroked faster.

“I want to fuck your lips,” Kallas said.

“I want to make you scream my name,” Vaquel said.

Vaquel stroked herself as she looked at Kallas’ pale body. She could easily imagine the contrast of their skins. She wanted to see his white cock disappearing into her brown cunt. She wanted to see his pale hands groping her dark breasts. Vaquel wanted to squeeze his desperate head between her ebony thighs. Vaquel wanted to consume and abuse him.

“Fuck that cock like you mean it,” Vaquel said.

Kallas groaned but he stroked faster. “Twist your nipples like the slut that you are,” he said.

Vaquel bit her lip as she obeyed. She pinched and pulled on her hard nipple with everything she had.

The transmission wavered. Kallas’ eyes looked off screen with concern.

“You better fucking get me off before that transmission ends!” Vaquel yelled.

Kallas pumped his cock with a fury that Vaquel knew so well. It was the same fury that she was stroking her cunt. She did not want some fucking comet to interrupt the closest she had to real sex in months.

Vaquel came. Her fingers dug into her breasts as her orgasm exploded within her body. Her heels dug into the console and lifted her ass off her seat. When her ass came back down, she could feel the wet spot she had left in her seat.

The transmission wavered. Kallas screamed “No!”

“You better come right now!” Vaquel said. Her fingers were still buried in her cunt. “You hear me, fucker? Come, RIGHT NOW!”

“Glory to the Queen!” he cried. His cock erupted in come. A thick blob of it landed on the vid screen. A second later, the transmission cut out.

Vaquel sighed. Maybe it was time she went looking for comets of her own to exploit.

Sheba's Breakfast Menu

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Each breakfast item is handmade every morning by a team of Sheba Employees who all happen to be mothers. Sheba’s firmly believes that no one knows how to make a biscuit like a mother. It is all part of Sheba’s “Mother’s I’d Like to Eat” (MILE) food mission.

Entrees

Sheba Biscuit –a delicious flaky biscuit with a wonderful scrambled egg cooked with three kinds of cheese.

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Sheba Bacon – Other places will stick bacon on a sandwich or add it to a meal but at Sheba’s, we give you what you want with no hassle. Enjoy five delicious pieces of salty magnificent bacon. All of the bacon is fried by a Sheba employee who was topless at the time. Sheba can not guarantee that you will be able to actually taste the nudity of the Sheba employee but maybe you can.

Morning Kisses – Sweet French toast nuggets that are a gentle way to wake up your mouth. Comes with dipping syrup of your choice, Scandalous Affair Strawberry, First Morning Bliss, Ready Again Blueberry and Morning Wood Maple.

Drinks

Sheba Juice – This special blend of five fruits squeezed between the massive breasts of a Sheba employee will quench your thirst and run down your chin.

Sheba Juice has been scientifically proven to improve the flavor of your sexual discharges. (Ref. Von Madd Blind Taste Tests of 2011)

Sheba Coffee – Our special blend of Sheba coffee that is the exact shade of black as Sheba’s breasts. This will wake you up and give you enough energy to go back home and have sex before going to work.

Soda- Sheba’s still does not carry soda. For real. That ^$#% is not good for you. We do this because we care about you.


Quick Special

Sheba Biscuit And a Slap – Sometimes you don’t have time for a full breakfast or a meaningful human interaction. That’s why Sheba’s has two drive-thru lines. One line is for all our regular customers and the second line of the Biscuit And a Slap Special. Slide your debit card and go pick up your food, cause you don’t have time to mess with cash.

It comes with a delicious Sheba Biscuit stuffed with cheese and scrambled eggs. You are also allowed to slap the ass of the gorgeous Sheba’s employee who wears a thong for maximum hand-on-bottom contact.

Warning* - Slapping the Sheba employee’s ass twice will result in a 100$ charge on your debit card.

Letter to a Slut #5

Dearest Slut,

This weekend you will be my whore.

You will wear the red dress. No bra and of course, no underwear. You will wear the black stockings and the high heels. Lipstick and eye shadow is a must. You will walk up to my apartment in this outfit and everyone will know you for what you are.

When I let you in, you will leave your name outside. This weekend you will be nothing more than a whore for my needs and I have so many needs.

The only currency you will accept for your services will be slaps.

A blowjob will cost two slaps of your face.
A handjob will cost three slaps of your tits.
Fucking your cunt will cost 10 slaps of your cunt.
Fucking your ass will cost 20 slaps of your ass.

I will tip you at my leisure.

Groping and fondling you will be free because you are such a cock loving whore.

My friends will be over to watch a movie on Sunday. Being a whore, I will have to lock you away in the bedroom. You are my dirty little secret and you are all mine. Because you are such a whore though, I will leave you with a dozen dildos for you to amuse yourself with. I will check up on you from time to time and if you are not fucking yourself like the wanton slut that you are, then I will realize that you are not the whore I thought you were. I will parade you past my friends and throw you out of the apartment.

When they leave, I will come to the bedroom and fuck you. It will be so hard for me to wait until they leave but I will control myself. I will wait so that I can have you all to myself. If the others saw you, then they would want you too. I won’t have that.

Until tonight, my whore.

Fiction: Hand-Off

Holly Valentine waited to be groped. The train was crowded and the green skirt she was wearing was especially loose. As per the instructions, she wasn’t wearing underwear and she stood with her legs casually apart. The agreed upon stop was coming up and Holly was wet with anticipation.

She wasn’t wet for the grope. Holly’s cunt was clenching because of the information she was expecting. The major cable companies were preparing a fake telecommunications disaster to justify raising rates. A whistle-blower within the company had contact Holly and wanted her to print the conspiracy for her news organization. The problem was that the cable companies had excellent surveillance on all of their employees and it was almost impossible to pass any information without them knowing.

Almost impossible. Her contact had an interesting idea for how to hand off the information. He took this train home everyday from work. He told Holly where to stand and he told her how to dress. Holly added the green blouse that showed off her pale breasts and the fabulous green hat where she tucked most of her red hair. Even for a clandestine transfer, she wanted to look good.

The train stopped. Some people got off but far more came on. The crowded train became a thick mass of humanity. The doors closed and the train took off again.

A body pressed against her from behind. She didn’t turn around. A hand cupped her ass from the outside of her skirt. His fingers began to pull her skirt up every so slowly.

“Mr. Blue, I presume,” Holly said. She spoke at a normal voice but the thundering of the tracks covered her voice.

“Shh,” the man said behind her. “It’s me. Just keep looking straight ahead.”

Holly bit her lip. The man was a paranoid freak but then again, he did work for a cable company. He probably knew about the spy devices they put in their cable boxes.

A finger pressed against her sex. It pushed against her lips and wiggle slightly. A trickle of Holly’s desire wet his finger.

“That better be a flash drive,” Holly said.

“I need to make sure there is room,” Mr. Blue said. “I risked a lot bringing it here and I don’t want it falling out when you step off the train.”

Holly didn’t answer. She thought about the corruption that flash drive would reveal and her cunt moistened with every conspiratorial thought. Embarrassing huge companies was such an aphrodisiac for her.

The probing finger wasn’t bad either. He was groping her from behind but he had an amazing reach. His middle finger was searching deeper and deeper inside her. Holy wondered if he had really long arms or was just a short guy. It didn’t matter. His finger was pushing inside her with an urgency that matched the heat within her.

The finger touched a nice spot and Holly clenched reflexively. The man gasped behind her and Holly’s muscles relaxed. His finger didn’t escape though. Instead of sliding out, his finger was out right stroking her now.

“Oh shit,” Holly said as she held onto the overhead strap. That felt good. She doubted that the stroking was strictly necessary but she didn’t mind.

Holly looked around the train. No one had noticed them. The train was too full and it was only going to get more crowded. Everyone was too busy trying not to make human contact with each other to notice the very intimate contact happening right beside them.

The finger pulled away. Holly moaned and clenched in frustration. It was just like an anonymous source. All teasing and no follow through.

She felt her skirt get lifted again. She took a slight step to the left to part her legs further. It was a smart move, because something plastic and large was pushing against her sex. It felt less like a flash drive and more like a dildo.

“How much info is on this drive?” Holly said out loud.

The pushing stopped. “Shhh, you’ll draw attention to us,” Mr. Blue hissed behind her. “It’s 4 gigs but I wanted to make sure it was shielded against EMP pulses and other counter-measures.”

Holly shook her head. Paranoids made the best and worse sources.

The pushing resumed. Holly gasped as the plastic drive opened her cunt. She moaned as inch after inch of the drive invaded her. Her hand clenched the overhead strap with increasing force as the rather wide drive filled her cunt.

Just when Holly didn’t think she could take anymore, the pushing stopped. The fingers pulled away and smoothed her skirt down. The drive sat inside her, shaking with every rattle of the train.

“My stop is next,” Mr. Blue said. “Stay on the train until you reach the end of the line. Don’t let the drive drop.”

Holly nodded as subtlety as possible.

The train stopped. She turned her head so that she wouldn’t see Mr. Blue as he walked past her. A trickle of desire ran down her thigh from her sex.

People left the train and more came on. People pressed against her. She forced her legs together and held the drive tight within her.

The train rumbled as it pulled away from the station. The vibrations traveled up her entire body. The drive shook inside her, pushing and vibrating against the sensitive walls of her sex. The train went through a curve and Holly felt the tug of gravity pulling the drive against her.

She thought about how badly the cable companies wanted the information that she had. The reporter thought about the thrill of yet another exclusive scoop. Visions of embarrassed executives giving statements of denial danced through her mind.

Holly climaxed. She shook as the force of the orgasm traveled through her body. Her sex clenched tightly on the valuable drive and all of it’s naughty secrets.

Holly took a deep breath and let it out. It would be another hour before she reached the end of the line. That meant an hour with a large thick dildo inside her that shook with every bump, rattle and shimmy of the train. Her skirt wouldn’t be able to hide all of the juices flowing down her leg. She would have to stand through out the ordeal with her thighs clenched wonderfully tight together. It was going to a challenge.

Holly smiled. She liked challenges. She liked the idea of walking back to her car and stroking off in the driver’s seat even more. The promise of her orgasm made her cunt clench so tightly around the dildo drive.

When she thought of the wonderful forbidden secrets hidden on that drive, she clenched even tighter.

Fiction: Red Ruby to Blue Chest

Explorer’s Log: I have spent three days now on the 7th world of in the system designated Curl of the Queen’s Hair by the Royal Astronomers. I have discovered ruins on two continents that belonged to an unknown civilization.

There are no traces of any history or records, but I do keep finding odd shaped stones that fit into identical shaped pedestals. I believe I am dealing with a cryptological species that uses puzzles and sequences to operate their technology. Yesterday I arranged different sliding pieces on a panel to unlock machine that dispensed a potent alcohol.

Today I am in the process of making a pedestal work that seems to be connected to a large outdoor platform. Hopefully this will unlock a treasure vault or perhaps a library of knowledge. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: What the fuck kind of race requires you to gather three rubies from opposite ends of a continent just to open a wine cask? I hope this platform I am working on now unlocks something good. I have been so busy looking for the four cylinders that fit in the pedestal that I haven’t masturbated in two days. End Personal Log.

Deep Space Probe Explorer Vaquel Di set her recording log on the tree beside her. She set it to view the platform so that when it opened, unlocked or whatever the fuck it did, she had it recorded for transmission back to Royal Navy Command. She had to adjust the recorder several times to make sure it was viewing the entire platform. It was huge in scale, easily 50 meters in diameter. It was the largest structure that she had found on this dead planet.

Vaquel posed in front of the recorder for a moment. She wanted the recorder to see her smiling brown face inside her glassteel helmet. A little bounce to her step made her short pink hair bob in a playful manner as she walked by. Her silver suit clung to every curve of her fit body and she took a moment to show off her fabulous round ass to the recorder. Presentation was everything when sending stuff back home. Her discovery might be broadcast to the entire planet of Euphoria.

She stepped away from the recorder and went to the control pedestal. Well, Vaquel hoped it was the control pedestal. It was made from the same strange green stone that the platform was, a stone that she had not seen anywhere else on the planet. The pedestal faced the platform from a distance of thirty meters. It had forty-eight slots each slot just large enough to take one of the six stone cylinders that Vaquel had found. When a cylinder was slide into a hole, it closed six other holes.

The top part of the pedestal was worn away and Vaquel suspected that at some point the worn part had writing. No doubt there was some sort of clue or mathematical suggestion as to what to do with the cylinders. Vaquel had no clue what the correct order of cylinder placement was but she a scientist and an explorer. She was also stubborn enough to try every fucking combination untill something happened.

On combination one hundred and six, something happened. Vaquel still had her hand on the last cylinder as the platform in front of her began to hum. Blue energy matrixes appeared in the air above the platform. Vaquel took her hand off the cylinder and stepped off the platform. The blue energy instantly disappeared.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel swore. She stepped back onto the platform and tried to figure out what went wrong. All the cylinders were still in place. She put one gloved hand on the last cylinder she touched and the platform hummed back to life.

“Looks like I am going nowhere,” Vaquel muttered. She kept her hand on the cylinder and watched the platform.

The blue energy returned and began to take shape. A giant alien body appeared within the confines of the platform. Vaquel gasped at the giant dimensions on display. She worried that it was some sort of teleportation until she realized that she could see through the alien body. It was nothing more than a projection.

But what a projection! It was mammalian with three proud heavy blue breasts to prove. The body was humanoid with two arms and two legs though this alien appeared to only have three fingers on each hand. Three slits were between it’s legs and the way that the giant alien was stroking them, Vaquel was certain that they were sexual organs. The face was similar enough Vaquel’s, with a mouth and a nose but three eyes were on the alien’s face. Long wispy blue hair floated around her face.

A second giant alien appeared. This was undeniably male. It was identical to the first alien with the exception of the three breasts and instead of slits, it sported three massive cock like appendages. Each cock was as large as Vaquel’s Deep Space Probe.

“Praise the Queen,” Vaquel whispered. After her long space voyage with nothing but dildoes and vibrators to keep her company, Vaquel was in awe of such majestic instruments of male fucking. She was also intensely jealous of the giant alien woman who could handle all three of those cocks at once.

As Vaquel watched, the two giant aliens started kissing. The woman’s long hair floated and touched the bare head of the male. Their hands roamed each other’s bodies. The male groped the massive breasts of the woman. The woman squeezed and pulled on the cocks of the man, tugging each one in turn. Their giant bodies pressed against each other as passion over took them.

Passion was becoming a problem for Vaquel as well. She was feeling the rising heat between her thighs. Her sex was responding and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. The atmosphere was toxic and she couldn’t afford to open her suit for more than ten seconds. Her sex ached as she watched the two aliens kiss and fondle each other.

The alien woman fell to her knees and took one of the cocks into her mouth. She masturbated the other two cocks while her blue lips pleasured the third. There was no sound but the male alien opened his lips to a silent moan.

“Fuck it,” Vaquel whispered. She had to keep her right hand on the cylinder but her left hand was free. Praise the Queen that Vaquel was ambidextrous. Her left hand went between her legs and pressed against her sex. The smooth material of her space suit separated her fingers from her sex but Vaquel didn’t care. She would make do.

The giant alien woman took turns sucking each of the cocks. Vaquel was impressed by the way that the alien woman was able to keep pleasuring the other cocks manually. It also turned the explorer on as the three giant cocks grew harder and larger.

“Comet spunk, I just want one,” Vaquel moaned. “Just one cock to slip inside me. Just one cock to fill my cunt.”

She stroked herself faster. The material of her space suit was not as nice as her fingers but thankfully the material was quite thin. It was also fortunate that Vaquel had stopped wearing underwear several weeks ago. The harder part was masturbating while standing up and holding onto the cylinder. Weeks of masturbating in her relaxation pod had conditioned her to climax on her back. Coming while standing up was proving to be a challenge.

The male alien lifted the woman by the thighs and lowered her onto his cocks. Vaquel watched in wonder as all three cocks slid into the woman’s sexes. The man held onto the woman with powerful muscles that kept them both upright. It was triple penetration on a giant scale that Vaquel could scarely believe.

“Yes,” Vaquel said as the male bounced the female on his three cocks. The explorer stroked faster even though her knees were threatening to give out. Her body wanted to lie down and come but she had to stay standing. The novelty of standing was delaying her almost certain orgasm.

The aliens changed position. The man reclined on the ground while the woman turned around. Giant cocks slid into giant cunts as the woman mounted the man. The woman faced Vaquel and the explorer could swear that the alien image was staring right at her. The woman smiled with the satisfaction of a woman fully filled.

Vaquel stroked faster as the women humped the man’s three cocks. To aid in her masturbating, her hips were grinding her cunt against her hand. She was humping herself as hard as the alien woman was humping the man.

The explorer trembled and nearly lost her grip on the cylinder. What cruel race would force a person to watch porn with only one hand? The inside of her glasssteel helmet was fogging up from her rapid breathing but her suit’s environmental controls were doing their best. She just had to hold on until she came. She was damn close.

The blue aliens moved again. The woman was on her back now. The man was above her and between her legs. He was fucking her so hard now. Vaquel couldn’t see the union of cocks and cunts but she could see the shockwaves in each one of the woman’s giant breasts. It was almost brutal. It was almost violent. It was unbelievably sexy.

Vaquel felt her climax coming. She was shaking from head to toe. Her hand gripped the cylinder with all of her might. She was still humping her hand, trying her best to slip even a single finger inside her but the damn spacesuit material was holding her back. Vaquel was soaking her suit with the need of her desire.

The alien woman looked at Vaquel and her face changed. The alien woman was climaxing. They were from two different species but there was no denying that look of sexual pleasure on the alien’s face. She was climaxing.

Vaquel joined her. “Glory to the Queen!” she cried out. The frustration of masturbating while standing only added to the force of her orgasm. The frustration of being denied true penetration only made her release that much sweeter. She let go of the cylinder and fell happily to the ground.

Explorer’s Log: I am finally leaving this planet and setting course for a new world in this system. I believe this world has great potential for xeno-erotic entertainment. I am recommending that Conquest ship explore this world for proper exploitation. End Personal Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: It took me standing at that damn pedastel for four hours, but I was able to watch the entire program. In the last hour, they introduce another couple for some awesome group sex. More importantly, my recorder log was able to record all of it. I am looking forward to watching it from the comfort of my relaxation pod with my full arsenal of dildoes. End Personal Log.