Play With This: The Last of the Summer Rain

It began as a light drizzle.  Despite being September, the rain was surprisingly warm.  Some people opened their mouths and let the rain warm their chilly bodies.

Thoughts danced through the minds of the wet people; mostly dirty thoughts.  They undressed each other with their eyes.  The warm rain seeped into their clothes like a lover’s mischievous hand.  As the light drizzle grew into a steady rain, people felt their minds sliding slippery into lewd permutations of genitals, hands and mouths.

Strangers hit on their strangers.  Long time crushes suddenly kissed each other.  Mortal enemies discovered that their enemies were kind of hot in a way.  Sexually repressed people suddenly felt a lifetime of libido.  The sexually obsessed almost died from sensory overload. 

By the time the rain became a downpour, people were fucking in the streets.  Umbrellas were discarded followed by clothes.  It was a time to fuck.  It was a time to fuck a total stranger or have the best sex of your life with the one you love.  Some people were just content to masturbate while the rain soaked them down to their soul.

People dry inside their cars couldn’t understand.  Those inside buildings were afraid to go outside.  They were all content to watch though.

The rain ended as all rains do.  It moved on to the next town.  The people it soaked were still fucking.  They fucked until they dried, both inside and out.

Where did the rain come from?  Where does any rain come from?  It’s just recycled water.  Maybe it was the water from a lake where young people fuck.  It could have been the water from a wet t-shirt contest.  For all we know, it is water pollution that comes from a sexual science lab. 

But when the warm rain comes, so does everyone else.

Play With This is a series of articles designed to give you things to play around with in your writing.  Feel free to borrow, modify, or completely change for your own stories.  

Fiction: Extended Log Entry

Explorer’s Log: I am in week three of my five week voyage to the star system designated Queen’s Enviable Fashion Sense by Royal Astronomers.  Not a fucking thing has happened for a fucking long time and I am about out of my fucking mind.

I know I am supposed to send back reports on a regular basis but do you know how hard it is to do that when I never get a message back?  I know the Bwog Transmitter only works one way and I know that it might take months for my logs to reach Royal Navy Headquarters depending on the amount of deep space particle interference but I am so fucking bored from sending back these messages about how fucking bored I am.

Who listens to these things anyway?  I know the Royal Navy processes all the information I send back so they can send Warships out to conquer the words I find, but who actually does the listening?  Is it by artificial intelligence?  Is some Navy analyst sitting in his cubicle listening for my latest report on the dirt I find on some barren planet?  Fuck, you must be more bored than I am.

How about we do something to make this damn log more interesting?  I’m here in the Relaxation Bunk and I am completely naked.  I have got a wooden dildo in my hand that I cut from some really hostile plant organism.  I am going to fuck myself silly with it and you are going to listen. 

Now I am wondering about you.  Are you sitting in a cubicle with a bunch of other Royal Navy technicians?  Or maybe you get your own office?  Are you a man, or a woman?  I would really love to know.

Not that it matters.  Either one is fine with me.  Deep space exploration has a funny way of blurring sexual preferences.  Man or woman, I would fuck the shit out of you right now.

So let’s play a little game, listener.  I want you to drop your pants.  I want you to stroke your cunt or jack your cock.  Fuck yourself along with me.  I will never be able to hear you but I can imagine it.   

I guess I should describe myself.  I have brown skin.  It is a rich sort of brown except for my nipples which are black as night.  My hair is pink and I keep it short with some really cute bangs.  My pubic hair is pink too and I let it grow into a healthy bush just like our beloved Queen’s.

You should know I have got really good breasts.  They are plump and just a little too big for my body.  They are also all natural.  There are no genetic enhancements or flesh surgery here!  I have to tell you, the aliens out here love these tits.  I wish you could see them.  If you were here, I would let you smother your face between them.

I’m letting you know how my breasts look because I am grabbing one right now.  My fingers are sinking into my tit and I am squeezing it like all the aliens do.  I like it when they play rough with my tits.  It makes me come so much faster.

I need to get my dildo wet.  It is a thick long piece of botanical matter.  I could use lubricant but why do that when I have a mouth?  I am going to slide it into my mouth and suck on it.  I am going to pretend that it is your cock.  And if you are a woman, let’s pretend I am sucking your dildo; wet with your pussy juices.

(Wet slurping sounds)

There we go.  Now it is nice and damp.  I am opening my brown thighs now.  My thighs are very strong.  I spend so much time in the Exercise Pod.  Not only do I have fit thighs, but I can open them so very, very, very wide.

The dildo is right at my cunt lips.  Are you stroking?  Good.  Now listen as I penetrate myself.

Fuuuck.  Oh that is good.  The dildo is just a little too big but I can take it.  I’ll take it and more.  I am such a slut after all these months in space.

Let’s stroke together, shall we?  I am plunging it into me.  I got one hand on my tit and I am pretending it is your hand.  My other hand is sliding the dildo in and out of my body.  I am going slow because it is so big that I need to adjust to it. 

Stroke slowly with me.  Come on.  Let’s time it together.  Listen closely and you can hear the wet sound of it going in and out of my cunt.

Listen.

Imagine that is your cock and listen.

Imagine it is your dildo that I am using fresh from your cunt and listen.

Fuck that feels good.  Let’s go a little faster now.  My hips are fucking the dildo now.  My heels are digging into the bed and I am rolling my hips in ways that you can not imagine. 

Oh yes, this is so much better than the usual boring explorer logs.  I should have done this weeks ago.

I let go of my tit so I can use both hands on the dildo.  My cunt is ready to go a little faster now.

How about you?  Ready to use both hands?  Ready to pump that cock or stroke that cunt?  Just make sure you don’t climax until I do.  It might seem unfair, but I am the one out here in deep space risking my life for the glory of Queen Erishella.  Wait to climax with me.  Do it for me.

Here we go.  Fuck.  I am ramming it into me now.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh this dildo is still too big but I will take it.  I will take it for you.  Just make sure you keep jacking that cock.  Make sure you are fucking that cunt.  Fuck yourself with me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh shit this dildo is big.

Shit

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck FUCK!    

I am about to climax so get ready.  I knew it wouldn’t be long.  I hope you can hear how wet I am.  I hope you can hear this alien plant dildo fucking my cunt.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Glory to the Queen!

(Inarticulate moans)

Oh shit that was good.  Give me a moment.

Fuck that really took it out of me.  Usually I can come multiple times but knowing you are listening really made it special.  I wish you were here right now.  I would so eat your cunt or suck your cock.  Fuck that was nice.

I’m going to take a nap.  Maybe I will do this again real soon.  I bet you can’t wait.

End Explorer’s Log.

Play With This: Wine Nymphs

The nymphs dance inside the bottle.  They spin and swim inside the wine with a carefree grace.  They are always smiling.  When you pick up their bottle, they look right at you.  They smile and mouth words you will never hear but you know what they want.  They want you to drink them.

When you drink the wine, you can feel some of that happiness slip into you.  The nymph stays inside the bottle, shrinking as more and more wine disappears until they get so small that you would need a microscope to see them.  Of course that point, you would be so drunk with happiness that most finish the bottle without looking.

Of course people have tried to get the nymph out of the bottle.  It never works.  Pour of all the wine into a glass and the nymph disappears.  Pour it back into the bottle and she will not reappear.  Where do missing nymphs go?  That is the subject of more than one song.

Some try to save their nymphs.  Who can blame them?  They are always beautiful.  They are always so damn happy.  They are always swimming within the lake of wine that is their home.  Who wouldn’t want to keep such a perfect expression of beauty and happiness for ever?

The longer a wine nymph is not consumed, the more beautiful she gets.  Her dancing becomes more intricate.  Her body turns into a perfect expression of femininity that it hurts to look at it.  The older a wine nymph becomes, the more impossible it is to resist drinking her.

Play With This is a series of articles designed to give you things to play around with in your writing.  Feel free to borrow, modify, or completely change for your own stories.  
  

Preview: Seven Magnificent Suts

My name is Henry Bardin, and my story began the night that the vampire women took my wife.

I awoke to screams. Out here in Texas, it was not that uncommon. Between the Apache attacks and the red wolves, not even people in towns are safe. I got out of bed and grabbed my rifle. Someone was in trouble.

“Wait,” my wife, Ethel, said. Her nightgown was still open from our lovemaking and I was awake enough to appreciate the swelling curves of her breasts.

“Town’s in trouble,” I said.

“I know,” Ethel said. “But the screams sound wrong.”

I listened. Someone screamed and then another. The screams came from different directions, their echoes covering each other in terror. I shivered and then I realized what was wrong about those screams. It was all men’s voices. 

Now I have heard men cry out in pain before. I moved out here to Texas two years ago and even in that short time, I have seen the horrors that a man can suffer. Even a mundane thing like getting kicked by a horse can destroy a man’s insides and make him scream like a wounded calf for days. This was different. These were screams of terror and despair. People weren’t dying. Something worse was happening.

I looked out the window. I run the general store and my home was above the store. The street was bright from the flames of burning buildings. There were riders in black coats running down men in the streets. Although the townfolk were armed, I didn’t see anyone fire a shot at the terrible riders.

“Don’t go,” Ethel said. A lock of her brown hair fell across her bare breasts and I wanted to kiss her so damn bad.

“I have to,” I said. In those two years, the people of the town of Dead Grass had helped a city slicker like me many a time. It was the only rule the people of the West seemed to follow and that was to help your neighbor. I had to help.

“I know you do,” Ethel said. Frustration and admiration sparkled in those blue eyes.

I went downstairs and out the front door.  The smell of the dead struck me in the face as I waited outside the door. Only when Ethel bolted the door behind me did I step out into the street. The moon was full and a shade of orange that I had never seen before. Things flew in the night but their wings were not those of birds.

There was a corpse right in front of my store. It was Sheriff Bill, and his throat was a mess of red gore. His gun was still in his holster.

“Run!” someone yelled at me. I turned and saw Jimmy from the stables. He was running towards me in stark terror while a rider in black chased him on her horse.
That was when I saw that the riders were women. They wore black coats but the coats were open to reveal unnaturally pale naked bodies. I watched in fascination at her bouncing pale tits as she came closer and closer to him.

She reached down and grabbed him by the neck. She yanked him up as if she was going top put him in her saddle with one hand. With a sickening rip, the head came up but the body did not. I watched Jimmy’s body run another two steps before collapsing.

As for the rider, she simply stopped and laughed. She brought Jimmy’s head to her mouth and drank the blood from his neck as if he was a canteen of water. The blood splashed over her and her blonde hair as she lapped at the blood.
I took aim with my rifle. I had no idea what these riders were but this wasn’t right. I sighted her just like I had been taught and let out my breath. I squeezed the trigger.

Except I didn’t.

There was something so damn wrong about her. She was a monster, drinking blood straight from the head of a man, but she was also beautiful. The pale body had never seen the sun of a hard day’s work. Her blood splattered breasts were full and terrible. She laughed like a young girl playing with her first sweet but the sound of her laughter was like a demon.

“Are you going to shoot that thing?” a voice said beside me.

I spun around. Four of the black riders sat on their horses outside my store. The leader was a redhead that looked at me with curiosity. Blood was drying on her bare breasts.

I lifted my rifle again and took aim. The other riders hissed but the redhead just looked at me. I focused on her bare chest and tried to pull the trigger.

I couldn’t.

My heart pounded. My finger itched to pull the trigger. My teeth clenched but I could not fire.

The leader brought her horse right up to me and kicked me. I fell to the ground as her companions laughed. As I tried to stand back up, the leader leaped from her horse and landed on the ground. She swung a pale leg at me and kicked me in the face with her boot. My nose shattered and blood sprayed her white leg.

“I should make you lick that off,” the redhead said. Her voice was dirty and wrong, like sex in a church.

“Fuck you,” I said and reached for my rifle. One of the pale women jumped down and stepped on my rifle before I could lift it. I looked up at her dumbly. She was a Chinawoman with long black hair. I was surprised that she had gotten off her horse so fast. It was like I blinked and she was there

“No,” the redhead said. “Let him try.”

The pale Chinawoman laughed and took her foot off the rifle. I swung it around at the redhead. It was pointed right at her chest. At this range, even I could hit someone.

That was if my fucking finger would just pull the damn trigger.

The redhead smiled. Two fangs framed the sides of her mouth, like some sort of human rattlesnake. She took the end of my rifle and pressed it to one of her pale breasts. Her nipple was an unsettling dark red on such a white breast.

“Pull the trigger you meat sack!” one of the pale women said. My eyes darted away from the redhead to the voice. It belonged to an odd looking girl who had her hair in pigtails. She was barely marrying age but she was eager for bloodshed.

“Look at me,” the red head said I did. She stroked the rifle like it was a cock. “Fire.”

I wanted to. I feared her. There was something so unsettling about her that I couldn’t stand to be this close to her. She was evil. I felt that down in my gut. She was also wickedly beautiful and I felt that deep down in my hard pulsing cock. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to fuck her. I couldn’t obey either instinct.

“There is a woman inside,” one of the other women said. She was a freakishly tall woman with flat breasts. She got off her horse and she looked like she was seven feet tall.

The redhead looked at me. “What is your name?”

“Henry Bardin,” I replied. I wasn’t even trying to pull the trigger anymore.

“My name is Symonne. You didn’t run screaming which makes you a rare man indeed. I will grant you mercy.”

The pigtail woman giggled. She could have been a schoolgirl caught discussing a lewd joke.

“Die,” I said to the redhead. I tried to pull the trigger again but this time I was distracted by her eyes. My God, they were red and not the red of a long night of drinking. They were ruby red. They were as red as a woman’s cunt and twice as deep.

“Not tonight I won’t,” Symonne said. “My mercy will be that you will live while I take your wife.”

“Fuck you,” I said. I gave up on the trigger and swung the butt of my rifle at her. Those evil red eyes widened in surprise but she ducked my attack easily.

I had no such luck ducking her fist that barreled into my stomach. I fell back into the Chinawoman who clocked me about the head. I stumbled forward and the tall woman kicked my legs out from under me. As soon as I hit the ground, the redhead kicked my other leg and broke it right below the knee. I screamed out in pain and thrashed on the ground. The redhead lifted her boot again and this time aimed for my face.

“You did give him mercy,” the Chinawoman said.

Symonne put her foot down slowly. “Shut up, Jia. Someone go bring me his wife.”

Pigtails jumped off the horse. She ran at the door and kicked it in like it was made of paper. I screamed at them and reached for my rifle again. This time Symonne kicked it away from me and then stepped on my broken leg.

I screamed. The edges of the world grew dark and I knew I was going to pass out. I fought it with some hidden strength that I shouldn’t posses.

Ethel was screaming as Pigtails brought her out. Her nightgown was torn and ugly bruises decorated her precious body. Pigtails threw Ethel through the air towards Symonne and the redhead bitch caught her easily in one hand. She slung my wife over her shoulders like a saddle pack.

“You have a year to live, Henry Bardin,” Symone said. “One year and I will be back to fuck this town again and take your life as well. Keep that in mind, you sorry excuse for a man.”

Symonne climbed back on her horse. She did it with my wife on her shoulder just as easily as if she was carrying a scarf. The red-eyed bitch looked at me and shook her head in disgust. The other pale women mounted their horses and didn’t spare me a second glance.

Ethel looked at me as they rode off. The disbelief in her eyes hurt worse than my broken leg.

A lot of good men died that night. A lot of better women were taken away by those strange pale women. The evil riders took any girl that was pretty or slim and for some reason, they took Big Helda who was neither.

Some of the townsfolk found me in the morning and patched me up as best they could. It was only later that we realized that I was the only man who lost a wife who was still alive. That didn’t sit well with people. The way a Texan thinks, if a man doesn’t die protecting his wife then maybe he didn’t try all that hard to begin with.

Even the next day, people didn’t want to talk much about that night. It was unnatural. It was impossible to believe even to people who lived it. Women weren’t supposed to be that strong, that wicked or that beautiful.

Ten months later, Dead Grass was doing okay. New families had moved in to replace the ones that died. The crops were doing well and we made a lot of money off the cattle drives that come through. Even my leg got better though I walked with the limp of an old man. It took awhile, but the town recovered. 

I didn’t recover though. I grieved for my wife and I missed her something fierce. Every time my cock got ideas and started growing hard, it died as soon as my fingers wrapped around it. I saw Symonne in my mind. I saw her mocking smile. I saw her cruel eyes. I saw those wonderful tits that belong to a she-devil. I moaned but my cock wilted in fear.

Ten months is a fucking long time to go without coming. I made up for it with rifle practice. I went out to shoot every day. I had the time. People in town stopped talking to me, probably because they thought I was a coward and let the riders take my wife. A broken leg isn’t enough reason for a man to let someone take his wife. Since I still owned the general store, people had to give me money for goods, which I used to buy more bullets.

I vowed that the next time I saw Symonne, I would pull that damn trigger.

When newcomers asked about that night, the town told them that it was Injuns. No one talked about the pale women and no one sure as fuck told any strangers about the red eyes and the strange teeth.

No one thought the pale riders would come back. I knew different. She would come back for more women. Shit, she would come back just to humiliate me some more. A bitch like that would wait all year just to make me feel more like shit. I had been practicing all year so I could shoot her but she wouldn’t come alone. I was going to need help.

Texas is full of hired guns. Every day, new cattle hands come through and tell us stories of Will Bill, Mad Dog Jordan, Dirty Feet McCalla and Three-Hand Johnny. Granted, someone like Will Bill probably wouldn’t do no better than me being on account that they are just a man. A man just can’t stand up to terrible demons with bloodstained lips that are so fucking kissable. It was going to take a woman to shoot another woman. It was going to take a Hell of a woman to shoot someone like Symonne.

Three months ago I had heard of such a woman. Her name was Texanah. The cowboy who told me the story was Irish so he was most likely lying with every third word but the other two words told a hell of a story. She was some sort of gun for hire and even though she was a woman, she had cleared out a tribe of half-train engine, half Cherokee Indians. Like I said, the cowboy was Irish so I didn’t understand half of what he was saying but the point was, Texanah was a tough woman. She had guns and she knew how to use them. She might have just been the kind of woman that Dead Grass needed, whether they knew it or not.

One month later I closed my general store. I had a pocket full of money and my rifle. Better yet, I heard that Texanah was nearby. She was holed up in Black Mud and was only a day’s ride from here. I had to go see if she would help.  

See, I knew the pale riders would be back. I could feel them. When the wind blew a certain way, I smelled that stale dead stench. The town might have been able to lie to themselves but I couldn’t. I had to kill those pale bitches. 

I had to kill them for Ethel.

To be continued in Seven Magnificent Sluts

You can buy a hard copy of Seven Magnificent Sluts from Lulu by clicking this link.

You can buy a Kindle version of Seven Magnificent Slut from Amazon by clicking this link.   

For Sale: Seven Magnificent Sluts

Long, long, long ago, small child Shon Richards saw a movie that changed his life.  It wasn't Star Wars, it was Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars.  It was a science fiction version of the Magnificent Seven and it defined for me what an epic story was.

See, there is this planet in trouble.  A big bad guy is going to come by and blow them up so the planet goes looking for help.  They find a motley group of people that no one could consider to be heroes.  This ragtag group comes together, becomes freinds and fight off the bad guy.  It is about doing the right thing against impossible odds.  It is about dying because evil is never easy.

Now I know this movie is a knockoff of the original Japanese movie, Seven Samurai.  I have seen that version along with a dozen other versions, updates and revisions.  I love them all.  It is a central piece of what I consider to be a hero.

I had an idea a long time ago to do Seven Magnificent Doms but the idea never really gelled.  It lurked in the back of my mind until I realized I had this one Western character, Texanah, that I only did short stories with.  I realized I could tell an all female version of the Seven Samurai and I could do it in a time when women were treated like shit.  I could make heroines in a genre that is sadly lacking in heroines.

Seven Magnificent Sluts is a story about a small town in Texas.  They are attacked by mysterious pale women who drink the blood of men and kidnap most of the womenfolk. They spare one survivor, a man by the name of Henry Bardin, and tell him that they will be back next year to kill him.  Henry realizes that he is going to need some bad ass women of his own.  He goes looking for female gunslingers.

This book is almost an all star cast of ancestors of other characters that I have written.  Amy and Bethany's great-great-etc grandmothers are in this one.  Otto Von Madd's ancestor in this story.  An ancestor of the Volputmancer is in this story.  Some monsters I have written about before appear as well.

This is also the book that I wrote during most of my chemo treatment and I think it shows.  There is a lot of writing about life and death.  There is a lot about courage.  There is a lot about how fucking unfair life is.  There is also a ton of sex.

George Sportelli did the cover and the awesome back cover.  I told him I wanted a dirty Justice League style cover and he nailed it.  

I will be positing the first chapter this Wednesday as a teaser.

You can buy a hard copy of Seven Magnificent Sluts from Lulu by clicking this link.

You can buy a Kindle version of Seven Magnificent Slut from Amazon by clicking this link.  

Fiction: A Delicious Death

The thugs pulled the blindfold off of Holly Valentine.  The reporter shook her red hair out of her eyes and took a look at her kidnappers.  She didn’t recognize any of them but she did recognize the expensive shoes, the plastic looking hair and the really big flag pins on their jackets.  Yeah, she knew who these guys were.

She took a look at the place they had brought her.  It smelled of chicken and pickles.  It was some sort of processing plant.  This was new.

“Okay, I know you guys are from the SuperPac, Buying America Today, because I am writing that article about how you plan to buy Congress to allow them to let you open student debt labor prisons, but what the fuck are we doing here?”

Several of the thugs looked surprised that she had identified them.  Their leader, an older gentleman with a bigger flag pin than all of them did not look surprised.

“Very good, Miss Valentine,” he said.  “Despite being a member of the lamestream media, you have correctly identified us.  To answer your question, we are at a Chick-Yum-E plant.”

Holly frowned and then she smiled.  “I get it.  I wrote an article about them last month about how they were trying to spike their pickle marinade with a chemical that attempts to destroy Homosexual DNA.  They are pretty pissed with me.  I guess you guys are going to kill me here to frame them.  Also, it is a Sunday so you know they would be closed today.”

“Holy shit,” one of the thugs said.  “How the fuck did she know all that?”

“Because she has a fucking brain,” the leader said.  “Do you see the kind of shit help I have to deal with, Ms. Valentine?  These Christian College graduates are the worse.”

Holly tried to look sympathetic.  “Let me go and I’ll give investigate the religious college of your choice.”

The leader laughed.  “I don’t think so.  Put her in the pickle marinade vat.  No, wait.  Take off her pants and panties first.”

“Yes, sir!” one of the thugs said.  The three thugs went to work.  Holly didn’t resist.  Her hands were tied behind her back and you could learn a lot about your kidnappers by how fast they strip you.

The first thing Holly learned is that she doubted any of these guys had ever been with a naked woman.  They tried to pull her pants down before taking off her shoes first.  After they corrected that mistake, they pulled off her panties.  One of the thugs sniffed her panties while another thug tried to secretly sniff her ass.  The third thug just stared at the thick bush of red hair between her legs. 

“Should we take her shirt off too?” the panty sniffing thug asked.

The leader looked at Ms. Valentine.  “It is your choice.  It is not necessary because you are going to drown but I will defer to your modesty if you wish.”

“Let’s go naked,” Holly said.  “The naked bodies always get the headlines in the paper.”  She didn’t mention that if they were going to try to drown her, she wanted as few wet clothes weighing her down as possible.

“Hot damn,” the panty sniffing thug said.  He pulled her blouse up to reveal the yellow bra holding her freckled tits.  That was when they realized that her bound hands made it fucking impossible to get the shirt off of her.  They still tried for a few minutes though.

“For fuck’s sake, use your knives,” the leader said.  He looked at Holly with desperation in his face.  “I tell you, school vouchers are going to kill the henchmen industry.  These guys are stupid as shit.”

The henchmen pulled out their knives.  The ass sniffer cut himself and had to use her panties as a bandage.  The other two cut into her clothes with better luck.  The panty sniffer cut through her bra straps and he paused to take deep a lungful of her DD cups.  The other thug just stared at the freckles on her tits. 

“All right assholes, get her into the pickle vat now,” the leader said.

They took her to a steel door that opened into the bottom of a large open vat.  Holly judged the walls were at least thirty feet high.  In the center of the vat was a metal spout pointing upwards.  On either side of the spout were metal rings freshly wielded to the floor.

The leader positioned Holly so she was standing right above the spout.  He then fastened metal manacles around her feet and used a padlock to secure them to the rings in the floor.

“I will explain how you will die,” the leader said.  “When we leave, we turn on the marinade valve.  Thousands of gallons of pickle juice will come out of this spout and fill the vat.  The jet in the spout keeps the marinade moving as well as keeping you too distracted to escape.  You will drown in pickle juice and Chick-Yum-E will get the blame.  I will get a bonus from my bosses and might even become Attorney General.  Any questions?”

“You wouldn’t be willing to tell me your name would you?” Holly asked. 

The leader smiled.  “No, I wouldn’t.  Good-bye Ms. Valentine.  Be comforted by the fact that your corpse will most likely be delicious.”

“Thanks!” Holly said cheerfully.  It was always good to be polite to your kidnappers. 

The thugs left and the door sealed behind the.  Holly looked down at the spout.  How was it supposed to distract her?

A minute later she had her answer.  A powerful stream of pickle juice shot up and struck her crotch.  She stumbled but the manacles held her in place.  The pressure on her pussy was amazing.

“Oh, I get it now,” Holly moaned.    It was like standing over the world’s best shower sex accessory. 

The spout began to pulse.  It still fired a steady stream of pickle juice but now the pressure was cycling through several different speeds.  All of them were more distracting than the last.

“Not a bad way to die,” Holly said as her pussy was pounded with pickle juice. 

“I just have no intention of dying.”

Holly twisted her wrists and tested the confines of the rope holding her hands.  The dumb asses should have used handcuffs.  Maybe rope was cheaper.  Rightwing assassins always tried to do things on the cheap.  It was all about the budget cuts with those guys.

The spout continued to pound Holly’s pussy.  She caught herself bending forward a little so it would hit her clitoris.  She stood back up and tried to ignore the constant stream of pickle juice hitting her sex.  Escape was her priority, not getting off.

The pickle juice was already up to her knees.  Damn, this vat was going to fill up fast.

Holly’s wrists contorted and twisted.  Every three months, she would return to Eros University and get a refresher course on escape bondage.  Houdini could learn a few things from Holly at this point.  She felt the rope getting looser and looser by the second.

Holly’s pussy was getting wetter and wetter by the second as well.  The high pressure stream of pickle juice was doing wonderful things to her body.  Her nipples were hard enough to cut rope.  Her thighs kept spreading wider for the stream.  Her hips were moving back and forth against the stream as she tried to fuck the pickle juice.

“This can not be healthy for the ph balance of my pussy,” Holly thought.  Maybe she would do a lifestyle article about it later.

A final twist and her hands were free of the rope.  She took a moment to celebrate by stroking her pussy.  The pickle stream was pretty damn good but a few strokes of her pussy pushed her over the edge.  Holly climaxed and screamed her pleasure in the filling vat.

“I bet that was the first time anyone ever came in a Chick-Yum-E,” Holly said. 

Now came the hard part; getting her feet free.  The metal manacles were too tight to slip through and the welding job was a good one.  She needed to unlock those padlocks and she needed to do it fast.  The pickle juice was already to her waist.    

Lucky for Holly, she never went anywhere without hiding a hairpin in her long red hair.  Fuck, she even went to sleep with one.  Holly pulled the hairpin out and squatted down to reach one of padlocks.

Squatting meant her pussy was closer to the spout and that became a problem in itself.  The incredible sensations just intensified with proximity and her greedy sex was already sensitized from climaxing moments ago.   The pressure cycled and Holly climaxed again.

“Fuck!” she yelled.  Her fingers fumbled and the hairpin almost dropped from her hand.

“Get your shit together, Holly,” she said to herself.  She did not want to die tasting like a Chick-Yum-E sandwich.

Holly squatted down lower.  The pickle juice came over her tits and over her face.  Her pussy was pressing against the spout as gallons of pickle juice came churning up.  The pressure on her sex was intense and fucking hot. 

She reached down to one of the padlocks.  She tried to remember everything she had learned in journalism school.  She tried to focus and pick the lock as fast as possible.

The spout continued its diabolical pressure.  Pulses of pickle juice slammed into her pussy.  A current was forming in the pickle juice and it was bouncing her heavy breasts.  She was going to climax again and soon.

The padlock popped open.  Holly giggled with relief and got a mouthful of pickle juice. 

Holly waited a second before moving away from the spout.  She was close to another orgasm.  She lied to herself and reasoned that another orgasm would help her think clearer.

The wet redhead climaxed.  She was smart enough to keep her mouth shut while she moaned. 

Now she moved her free leg away from the spout.  The wonderful pressure on her pussy was gone but she could feel the currents in the juice.  Her tits bounced back and forth with the current.  It would be so tempting to lean a little bit and get maybe just a little of the spout’s pressure.  Surely a little stimulation wouldn’t hinder her escape?

Holly’s willpower won out and she stayed away from the spout.  Without the juice fucking, the second lockpicking went much quicker.  She got the padlock off in record time. 

She stood up and the pickle juice was over her head.  That was no problem; she would just swim. 

Holly kicked her legs and was surprised by how weak her thighs were.  Getting fucked by an industrial pickle juice marinade mixer was hard worked.  Holly pushed through her exhaustion and swam upwards.

The worn out reporter reached the top of the vat and pulled herself up.  There was some sort of landing at the top with various controls.  Holly laid on the metal grating and tried to catch her breath.

She stuck a finger in her sex and then took a lick.

“Wow, he was right,” Holly said.  “I do taste delicious.”  

Why do Motherfuckers Keep Suiciding?

My step-father attempted to commit suicide this past Saturday night.  He's had some health problems, both with his heart and his recently diagnosed bipolar condition.  Right now he is in stable condition in the hospital but my mom is a mess.  Long time readers of the blog may remember my brother attempting to commit suicide and failing and the psychic trauma that inflicted on the family.  The fact that my step-father would do that after all the discussions we have had about how suicide harms the survivors is mind boggling. 

Anyhoo, I will be driving up to North Carolina to be with my mom for a few days.  I will still update a story on Wednesday because heck, life goes on, right? 

I don't have much of a relationship with my step-father so I am not hurt by him but I am mad as hell at what he has put my mom through.  I just hope he gets the help he needs.

Play With This: Sexicare

Tucked away on page six hundred and sixty-nine of the Affordable Health Care act is a provision for the creation of Sexicare.  This new service understands that a happy sex life in an integral part of a person’s well being.  At the moment, Sexicare only provides sexual happiness for seniors over the age of sixty-five but there are plans to extend it to single parents, the recently divorced and college students. 

Sexicare provides a regular safe sexual encounter for its participants.  Once a week, a sexual encounter will be provided by trained government employees.  A Sexicare Adviser will take into account the participant’s tastes, sexual orientation, fetishes, secret shames and current pornographic consumption to assign a Sexicare professional who meets those needs.

And who are these Sexicare Professionals?  They will be hired from a wide range of people as part of the government stimulus package to hire the unemployed.  These will include college students who will work with Sexicare instead of incurring burdensome student loans.  They will include out of work sex professionals who lost their clients in the recent recession.  They will include those who just like to help people enjoy their sexuality.  As part of an experimental program, they will include people new to the sex industry who wish to get some training before entering the professional world.

Sexicare is a new program and there will be challenges as the system is implemented.  The paperwork alone is going to be quite tricky to work out.  Doctors will be needed to conduct regular sexual health checks and auditors will be needed to make sure that some people do not try to defraud the system. 

Republicans have already vowed to destroy Sexicare if elected.  The will replace it with a program where recipients will get a coupon that they will need to redeem at a sex resort located in the Cayman Islands.   

Play With This is a series of articles designed to give you things to play around with in your writing.  Feel free to borrow, modify, or completely change for your own stories.

Fiction: Mistress Nature

Explorer’s Log: After seven long weeks, I have finally reached the star system designated Queen’s Beloved Torture Device by Royal Astronomers.  Six of the worlds appear to be devoid of atmospheres and I have launched micro-probes to survey their geological contents.  The fifth planet appears to have heavy vegetation and an active weather system.  No intelligent life has been detected but I will land and give the place a more thorough survey.  There might be some unusual plants worthy of harvesting.  End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Seven weeks is a long time to go without getting out of the ship.  I am about to go ship crazy here.  The last time I landed on a mostly plant world, I got fucked by a nasty flower that mistook me for a stamen.  I’m going heavily armed this time.

I also need to find some more materials to make dildoes with.  The weather looks clear and sunny.  It should be a pretty day.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP.

Vaquel Di sighed.  The rain was coming down hard.  Her skin tight purple space suit insulted her from the cold but she could still feel the tiny patter on her body.  The glassteel helmet that encased her head also protected her from the rain but the sound of rain hitting the helmet was echoing in her helmet.  It was quite annoying.

She tried to strike a pose in the rain.  The survey camera floated beside her and tried to take flattering pictures.  Vaquel knew it was important to look impressive when sending back information to the Deep Space Explorer’s Processing Center.  Sure, explorers got a commission for every profitable discovery they make but they also got a percentage for every report that was used in merchandising.  Vaquel knew that the people back home loved to buy images of explorers looking brave and heroic.

The rain continued to fall.  Vaquel tried to look valiant.  The purple suit showed off all her curves and hopefully the rain just made her already delicious body look even more impressive.  She had spent an hour getting her pink bangs to look that perfect balance of straight and bouncy but now she wasn’t even sure of the camera could see her hair through all the rain.  She was tempted to strip down because she knew her brown body would contrast better with the rain but running naked on an alien planet was not good protocol.  

“Fuck it,” Vaquel said.  “I’m here and I am going to enjoy myself.”

She had landed in a clearing near some trees.  Vaquel was happy to walk on grass once more, even if the grass seemed a bit uneven and thick in places.  Her enjoyment from walking on a solid planet didn’t last long.  She slipped and stumbled on the wet grass.  At point Vaquel swore that the grass moved out of the way so she would take a bad step.   The camera recorded every second as she fell flat on her chest.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP.

“Hell with this,” Vaquel said.  She marched towards the trees.  At least there she would be sheltered from the rain.  She kept tripping and stumbling over the weird grass.  By the time she made it to the trees, she was getting tired.   

“Okay, that was a bad start but now it will get better,” Vaquel said to herself.  The rain mercifully disappeared inside the forest and the echoing taps within her helmet faded.  The camera zoomed back a respectful distance now that it didn’t have the rain in the way.  Vaquel couldn’t wait to go through the footage and edit out all the tripping. 

For now though, Vaquel was all business.  The explorer was also on the hunt for dildo material.  Space could get awfully lonely and she had broken or burned out all her sex toys.  She wasn’t picky.  A good branch, weird seed cone or amusingly shaped fruit would be enough.

The explorer pushed and poked her way through the forest.  The leisurely walk soon deteriorated.  Roots got in her way.  A nasty shrub that seemed to be mostly thorns kept snagging on her space suit.  Branches seemed to grow at head height and she had to duck them.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP. 

Vaquel looked up and saw that the trees were unusually thin.  She frowned.  She swore that the rain was blocked just a minute ago but now it seemed like all there was quite a bit of open space.  It was damn weird.

“What is going on?” Vaquel said out loud. 

The camera got into a position for a wide angle shot.  Vaquel unconsciously sucked in her stomach and posed for a shot.  A gust of wind splashed her helmet with rain. 

“This planet sucks,” Vaquel said. 

Then she saw it.  It was hung from a tree and was shaped like a cock.  It had a slight curve and a little too much girth.  Vaquel clenched at the sight of it.  That was just the kind of thing she was looking for.

It hung low enough that Vaquel could reach it.  She took out her portable scanner and analyzed it.  The scans revealed seeds, some botanical matter that probably did something important and best of all, a very tough exterior that could withstand some serious pussy fucking.  Once Vaquel got it back to the ship and sterilized, it would make a perfect sex toy. 

Vaquel pulled on the wooden cock.  It was stuck to the branch.  She took out her vibration blade and turned it on.  The blade vibrated at a thousand times a second and easily cut through the wood.  The cock fell heavily in her hand.     

The rain turned into a downpour.  The sound of rain hitting her helmet became deafening.  The rain was so thick that she couldn’t see a thing. 

Something grabbed each of her arms.  The pressure exerted made both her hands open and drop the vibration blade and the wooden cock.  Something grabbed her ankles as well and her feet were locked into place.  In seconds Vaquel had been immobilized.

“Shit, not again!” Vaquel said.

The rain lessened and Vaquel got a good look at what was going on.  Two separate trees had grabbed her arms.  The grass at her feet had wrapped around her ankles.  The shrubs moved towards her and surrounded her.

The camera moved into a better position to watch.

“You plants are going fuck me too?” Vaquel said.  “You know, I wouldn’t mind if you did.  Just go ahead and do it because I don’t have all day!”

Vaquel was surprised at herself.  It had been a long voyage but Vaquel didn’t realize just how horny she was.  She really needed some new dildoes.

She looked for any cock shaped branches but she couldn’t see any.  What kind of raping plants were these?

Something painful struck her ass.  Multiple lines of pain rippled across her round buttocks.  Her skintight spacesuit provided no protection.  Vaquel screamed at the sudden pain.

She turned as much as the branches would let her.  A tree behind her had branches that were little more than thin rods studded with thorns.  The tree swung the branches again at Vaquel’s ass.

“Queen’s tits!” Vaquel cried out.  The thin branches crossed her ass with ruthless force.  The thin material of her space suit protected her from cold, heat and toxins but gave her zero protection for an ass whipping.  Streaks of tender pain blazed across her ass.  The tiny thorns didn’t cut her skin but she felt the extra little sting that they gave.

The tree struck her ass again.  She struggled against the branches but her big curvy ass was too big a target.  The thin branches whipped across her ass as easily as an asteroid smashing into a planet. 

“What do you want?” Vaquel yelled. 

The tree struck her again.  Before her scream was over the tree stuck her again.  Back and forth, the thin branches tore into her ass with a fury.

Vaquel struggled.  The other trees held her tightly and the grass refused to give up her feet.  The most she could do was wiggle her ass but the tree had no problem switching a moving target.  The thin strips of wood tore into her and she wiggled even harder.

“What do you want?” Vaquel yelled again.  She noticed that the flying camera was closing in for a better shot.  The damn thing was still recording.

WHISH! The branches struck over her head and down onto her breasts.  Vaquel recoiled in pain as news sensations rippled across her tits.  Her eyes clenched shut in pain. 

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP. The rain continued to harass her despite her pain.

“I will kill this entire planet!” Vaquel screamed.  She was getting desperate.  “I will unleash all sorts of herbicidal poison into the atmosphere!”

There was a pause in the switching.  Vaquel allowed herself a smile.  Her back and ass were a mess of tender pain but she felt triumphant.  Now she was getting to whatever was controlling this mess.

WHISH! The branches struck upwards between her legs.  The thin punishing branches struck against her vulnerable sex.  The space suit offered no protection as the thorny wood slapped against her. 

Vaquel screamed.  She screamed so loud that she drowned out the tapping of the rain.  The scream was so loud that her ears hurt.

“Fuck!” Vaquel said when she could speak again.  That hurt.  That hurt a fucking lot.  Her entire crotch was on fire. 

Worse, she was wet.  Her sex starved cunt was actually wet from the abusive attention.  Vaquel realized that she really needed to get some new dildoes.

The branches struck again between her legs.  Vaquel’s cunt clenched with desire and then clenched in pain as the branches struck her.  She tried to jump but the grass held her feet.  There was nowhere to go.

“This planet will be a ball of fire when I am done with it!” Vaquel screamed.

The trees didn’t care.  In fact, the trees crowded closer.  Bark strained as more trees reached for her.  Instead of just the one set of branches, there were now close to a dozen.  All of them were thin, thorny and cruelly accurate. 

Branches struck her ass and stung the already sensitive flesh.  Her ass was turning into hemispheres of pain.  No matter how much she wiggled, no matter how much she tried to dodge and no matter how much Vaquel tried to escape, the stinging branches connected with her ass. 

The branches in front of her struck her tits.  Some of the branches were thick and the force of their impact flattened her brown globes against her chest.  One of the branches was very small yet it had an eerie ability to strike her nipples with deadly precision.  Vaquel cursed her large breasts; alien creatures always seemed to sense it was a weak spot for her. 

The cruelest branches were the ones striking her cunt.  The stinging swipes were paralyzing her sex with pain and desire.  Even the lightest hit was enough to make Vaquel scream.  Her sex was already so sensitive from need and desire, having them struck so roughly was flooding her with sensation.

In the midst of the fury of branches; Vaquel swore a promise.  If she ever met the designer of these skintight space suits, she was going to fuck them up with ass with a sonic rifle.

The branches swung faster.  New branches struck the inside of her thighs.  Some branches struck the underside of her arms.  The trees were covering her body with a network of stinging stripes.

“Stop, stop, stop!” Vaquel yelled.  “I’m fucking sorry! I’ll never cut another tree again!  I swear!”

The branches suddenly released her.  She fell to the ground and landed on her tender breasts.  Vaquel’s body ached.  She reached for her vibration blade and her ass, tits and cunt protested at the movement.  Vaquel had second thoughts about getting her weapon.  She doubted she could move enough to escape much less fight.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP.  The rain continued to harass her even if the trees had stopped.

“All right,” Vaquel whispered.  She slowly picked herself up.  The camera helpfully recorded every struggling moment.   She got back to her feet and tried to ignore the stinging existence that was her skin.

Vaquel saw the cock shaped seed cone that started this mess.  She knew she should have left it alone but then again, her ass, tits and cunt had paid for that dildo.  She earned it.  The exhaustion she felt slipped away and was replaced with anger.

Vaquel snatched it up.  The trees started to move but she was ready for it.  The grass tried to grab her but she was already running.  The camera flew along side her as she ran for her life.

“Fuck you, plants!” Vaquel yelled.  She dropped an incendiary grenade behind her.   A fountain of flame erupted behind her. 

The trees wailed behind her.  The wind surged to dangerous levels.  The rain was hitting her straight on.  Vaquel clutched her precious wooden cock and kept running.

She made it back to her ship and dived through the door.  The flying camera came in a second later.  Vaquel kicked the door shut and commanded the computer to begin emergency launch procedures.  Vaquel’s body was on fire and she didn’t have the strength to get to the navigation chair. 

The ship took off.  Vaquel sighed with relief as she felt the artificial gravity kick in.  She unclamped her helmet and breathed in the recycled air.  She took a moment to enjoy the hum of machinery instead of the fucking tapping of rain.

“Fuck nature,” Vaquel said.