Father of Invention

Sometimes I just don't have that creative spark. I am bored with myself, bored with writing and probably bored with life. In these dull moments of sterility, I turn to Professor Elemental. For those who don't know, Professor Elemental is Britain's greatest rapping steampunk inventor eccentric.It is impossible to listen to him and not have a new greatest idea. Better yet, he makes me smile and that is as precious as gold.



Fortunately for me, Professor Elemental has a new album out. "Father of Invention" has done the impossible and that is be better than his first album, "The Indifference Engine". This album covers the usual weirdness like making a robot bride, creating ice cream from animals and apologizing for being British. He also sings the greatest song ever about owning a horse, a cautionary tale about going into the attic where all the old inventions are stored and an insightful essay about comedy, rapping and music. Best of all, he has a wonderful rap battle with long time nemesis, Mr. B that is a tribute to both of their skills.

I listen to a lot of silly music. Often the ambition of the musicians outshines the talent of the musician. Clever jokes are nestled in so-so music. Some musicians try to excuse poor workmanship by saying their music shouldn't taken seriously in the first place. That isn't the case with Professor Elemental. The music is top notch. The lyrics tell a story that fit with the beats. He applies the same level of craft as top billboard names. Heck, I would be willing to argue that he applies more craft because he loves what he does.

The Professor also has a one-shot comic book that is a delight and if that isn't enough, he now has a youtube series about his adventures. He is becoming the total package of entertainment.

Sha La La La La La

I'm busy writing.  I am on chapter 13 of my possibly 15 chapters Haunted House novella.  Being so close to the end of a novella is freaking exciting.  It is all haunted house all the haunted time in my haunted head right now.

Which means I got jack shit that is new to post today.  I do have a new favorite band and as you well know, this is very important.  Heavy Young Heathens is my new obsession and I listen to their entire album about twice a day.  I am sure they will be my all time favorite band until the next new thing I get obsessed with.  In the meantime, enjoy the song that got me into them.

Invisible Light

No story this week. I toyed with doing a fan fiction piece but saner heads prevailed.

Instead I would like to present 'Invisible Light' by the Scissor Sisters since I wish I had created it. Watch it pretend that it was taken directly from my brain.

Professor Elemental

Professor Elemental is a rapper who raps about normal every day life. You know, things like giant airships, combining animals and humans, exploring distant lands and his orangutan servant. He is what you can call a steampunk rapper except unlike 90% of most indie rappers, he actually has wonderful production values and great music.

Warren Ellis posted this video a few weeks ago and I loved it. I bought the album and it has been playing in my car ever since. My wife loves it as well and we have a pretty good duet going when it comes to 'Fighting Trousers'. You owe it to yourself to buy his album, 'Indifference Engine' at Professor Elemental.com

There is a lot to praise about Professor Elemental but I think the highest praise I can give him is that he made me jealous. Even though I write about sex, mad scientists and pirates, he seemed to be having a little bit more fun. I took that lesson to heart and renewed my dedication to writing about any crazy shit I want to make myself happy.

Consortium of Genius

'Music For Supervillains' is a CD for the special villainous soul in your life. Crafted by the Consortium of Genius and selling for the criminal low price of $9.99, this CD contains a bunch of songs for every evil personality in your confused brain. The CD tells the story of the Consortium of Genius and their rather pathetic failures in the area of zombie creation. In between failures, they segue into songs in the styles of country, metal, lounge songs etc. In other words, it is some crazy shit.

I downloaded the CD because hey, music for supervillains, and I have to say that I was a little unimpressed at first. It won me over however with it's rather fearless commitment to jokes I would have given up on long ago. There is something wonderfully cheesy about the whole affair that requires the listener to have a drink and chill out. It is like a super extended Mystery Science Theater 3000 skit. I have a feeling that these people would be awesome to see on stage and after a bit, I found myself tickled by their crazy humor. It just goes to show that commitment to a crazy idea can overcome anything.

They are a comedy group but they are also quite good musicians. Some of the songs are just umm, genius. 'Zombie Apocalypse Barbecue' is going on my next road trip. 'Mallet of Metal' brings a tear to my jaded Dungeons and Dragons soul. I really have to give some special praise to 'Everybody Dies (But Me)' as it may be my favorite Femme Fatale song of all time.

As a guy who writes erotic stories about a mad scientist, I recognize that this band has the same insane commitment to their pet project. The wonder of the internet makes it possible to share in their hallucination. Give their album a try at CDBaby at this link here.

Follow My Lead

I will be traveling the roads of North Carolina today and this weekend. I expect to have many adventures outwitting inbred demons and escaping from pine cannibals.

But because I love you, I leave you with the blessed fucking Pipettes.

FYI, buy Phonogram.


Pipettes Pull Shapes
Uploaded by rooroo. - See the latest featured music videos.

First of May

Pick up other love songs at Jonathan Coulton's site.

Dalek Chicks

Why yes, I have nothing to post today. How could you tell?

The Dalek Chicks are three adorable cosplayers who give me hope for costuming again. Seriously, that is damn cute.

Work has been insane. Man was not meant to work 12 hour shifts from home. Dinner is that magical time when I can escape the office, eat something with a fork and then return to my command center. We're doing this very important non-disclosure thing that amps up our workload for an intense month and a half. Since I am middle management, I'm the guy who tries to keep exhausted employees working when I want to run away from it all and join a folk band.

My folk band would basically rip off Michael Hurley songs but it would be awesome by the way.

I'm pretty proud of Easter Hunt, the story with no comments below me. It's a mean, bitter story about a submissive suffering through an awful holiday themed kinky event. I violated one of my rules of Holiday Stories but not making it a happy story. Who knows, Easter may come and my story will be on a million web pages. Weirder shit has happened.

While slaving away for the Man, I have snuck out to start a Blip FM page. I haven't uploaded some of my more personal favorite songs yet, but check it out. I have a Marvin song you must hear, as well as 'Paint the Line', my favorite pseudo 80's song that never was. I might not have time to write but I don't know, picking songs for you to listen to seems like a creative outlet. Maybe I should run away and become a folk singing DJ.

Thanks for sticking with the blog as I go through this horrific low content period.

Let's Duet by Dewey Cox

Sometimes when Shon is especially cruel, he makes me sing Darlene's part in the Dewey Cox song, 'Duet'. The song is a juvenile sex obsessed parody of country music which means it makes Shon laugh every time. Please share in my humiliation by listening.

I'm Getting Married

I want to tell you about my girlfriend. She's funny, she's sweet, she's both insecure and very confident at the same time. She's pretty, she's smart and she loves murder mysteries. She also sings Willie Nelson like she means it, which isn't easy to do. She saw 'Six String Samurai' in the theater and watches 'Deadwood' at home. She thinks I am a sadistic mother fucker and she thinks that's a good thing.

It's been a year since my divorce. I feel like I have aged ten years as a person in that time. I've learned to like myself and I've learned to trust myself, which are two things I didn't even know I had lost. I love myself too much to not marry this wonderful girl. I'm fucking 35 and that is too long to have been without this woman.

Being a cerebral type, I didn't realize this until I heard Gnarls Barkley's 'Blind Mary'. The first time I heard it, I loved it. It's simple but aren't the best love songs simple? The song rattled around in my head and I kept singing it to myself. It was the only song I knew that captured the feelings I was going through. She doesn't know that I am ugly.

And one morning, I came out of the shower and walked into the bedroom. My girlfriend was awake but still in bed. I was still singing but I had substituted her name for Mary.

And I sang to her,

I lo-ve Mary,
Blind Mary marry me.
I lo-ve Mary,
Blind Mary marry me

The pure joy on my girlfriend's face was beautiful. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"Yes," I said quickly. It wasn't my intention at the moment but what the Hell. You learn not to pause in moments like these. "Yes I am."

Two Silver Trees by Calexico

It's the holiday season so I give you the gift of a beautiful song.

Your Favorite Russian Surf Band

The Red Elvises are one of those things that I completely irrational about. I love these guys and have all their albums. I listen to them when I am blue, when I am happy and when I just want to dance. I also think they make great music to listen to when you are rewriting stories, which is what I am doing today.

Victory Lap

My long story is finished. Well, the first draft is finished. I still have rewriting to do and editing and other bits of work. I think first drafts are a lot like getting your lover naked: you have a lot to be happy about but you still have to do something with it all.

I have bitched about this story non stop and now that it is over I feel a little sad. I love these characters and I don't know when I will see them again. This story works for them and I can't imagine what kind of future story they could serve in. I'm going to miss them.

So since I am feeling tired, drained and all melancholy, you get Kate Bush. Did you know she put out an album in 2005? Cripes, I should be notified of these things.

Early Weekend

Let's start the weekend early. I have a crap load of work to do and my new story needs the kind of editing you can only do on the weekend. As always in times of trouble and despair, I turn to Kylie Minogue. Her polished dance beats, her international sexuality and Technicolor hair makes me feel all funky in my good places.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime

From the always entertaining Johnathan Coulton comes a song I wish I had written.

Post-Halloween Hangover

What a wild and crazy ride that was. I had a friend buy a new car yesterday and then spend the rest of the day freaking out because it was her first brand new car ever. Atlanta traffic was more horrible than 'Hostel 2'. My wife had a near nervous breakdown because of work and spent the night being upset. Wohoo! The fun never ends around here.

Tonight I am running away from home with said wife on our 11th wedding anniversary. I *might* be back Monday. It depends on how many hot hitchhikers we pick up along the way. 11th Anniversary is celebrated with threesomes, right?

So instead of actual content, I will direct you to other places so you don't get too bored. Yes, I am delegating entertainment to other blogs but it's cool cause it's the holidays.

Kevin is a very funny guy on most days but this is by far my current favorite right now. Click and read Samuel L. Jackson's Young Reader Line.

Once you're giggling, then head over to Will Pfiefer's X-Ray Spex and read his very comprehensive Horror Movie Marathon. Find some good movies to watch instead of 'Saw', okay? You deserve it.

Do you like H.P. Lovecraft? Do you want to see the very best in current Lovecraft writing? Then you have to read Footnotes to a Species Once Called Humanity. His 'Trois Freres' series is making me get off my ass and do some serious writing.

If all this fictional horror is starting to bore you, then go over to Atlanta Water Shortage and watch an ecological disaster happen in real time. Wohoo!

Now that you are shell shocked, confused and maybe whimpering, your mind is finally ready for the glory that is Cobra Starship.

Pirate Week Career Choices

Just in case you are a young man or woman debating your life path, please listen to this career advice from Tim Curry from 'Muppet Treasure Island.'



I am not embarrassed to say this song is on my daily rotation.

Anger In My Heart

Can't write today. Pissed off about little things and I can't find my focus. I want to forget my woes and sing angry metal lyrics. I want to shock my parents and sneer at authority. I want to rob a bank with heavy metal.



Maybe I'm just hungry. I've got an appetite for love tonight. I want to act out and bang a girl who's hair is bigger than my blue jean jacket. I want to thrust into a girl during a guitar solo.



With great Metal comes great slow ballads. You can only break so many laws and taste so many sweet things before the heart just gives out and you want to slow sway to a meaningful song played by leather men with spiky guitars.

Rock on today.