Invisible Light

No story this week. I toyed with doing a fan fiction piece but saner heads prevailed.

Instead I would like to present 'Invisible Light' by the Scissor Sisters since I wish I had created it. Watch it pretend that it was taken directly from my brain.

My Top 5 Games of the Year

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Fiction: Midterms

My midterms had been going great. My Erotic Writing 101 test was a breeze as well as my Nude Photography 201 class. My jaw was a little sore from my Oral Pleasure class but the redhead I had to eat was a delight. I know I aced my Vibrator Repair test as well as my Critical 70’s Porn Movie Studies test.

The only test I was worried about was my Basic Spanking Class. Christ, I enjoyed spanking the lovely asses of the women that were supplied by the class, but the teacher was another matter. Mrs. Marshall was a real ball buster. At first I was excited to have her as a teacher because she is pretty hot for an older woman. She has this curly brown hair that she wears down to her shoulders and every day she wore a new blouse that revealed even more cleavage than the day before. She was great to look at but as soon as she opened her mouth, she would cut you down and make you feel like the world’s biggest idiot with a paddle.

One time I was spanking my model and Mrs. Marshall came up behind me. She sighed with genuine sadness.

“Peter, I know you never masturbate because that is the weakest swing I have ever seen,” she said. “You have the grip of an eight year old girl.”

What the fuck does that even mean? It didn’t stop the rest of the class from laughing. Hell, even my model was giggling. It does nothing for your confidence when the person you are spanking is laughing at you.

As you can imagine, I wasn’t looking forward to my test. Mrs. Marshall insisted on testing each student individually so I didn’t even have the rest of my class to hide in. I arrived at Mrs. Marshall’s office with my paddle and a shit load of nerves.

Mrs. Marshall was sitting at her desk and today she hadn’t even bothered to put on a blouse. She was wearing a black lace bra that held in those lovely breasts that I had been peeking at all semester. She had her hair down and framing her cruel face. She looked up at me and frowned. My very presence appeared to disappoint her.

“Peter, I will be with you in a moment,” she said. She returned to her paperwork.

I glanced around. We were alone in the office. “Uh, where’s my spanking model?”

Mrs. Marshall ignored me. I wasn’t terribly surprised. I did worry that maybe I was suppose to supply my own model for the test. Mrs. Marshall would spend a good ten minutes pointing out my mental deficiencies if I forgot to bring something. I waited nervously until she was done with her papers.

“All right, Peter, let’s get this over with,” she said.

Mrs. Marshall stood up and I realized she wasn’t wearing any pants. Shit, she wasn’t wearing panties either. I had a good look at the hairy bush of pubic hair between her thighs. She bent over her desk and supported herself on her elbows in a classic #2 Spanking Position.

Holy shit.

“Well, what are you for?” Mrs. Marshall said. “Show me what tiny bit of knowledge managed to sink into your skull this semester.”

I gripped my paddle and walked around to her side of the desk. Her ass was just as round and full as her tits. I had to pause to subtly rearrange my erection under my pants. She was wearing black lace stockings that matched her bra. She also had on high heels that really lifted her ass. It was a stunning sight to behold.

“Any time now, Peter,” Mrs. Marshall said. “I am sure you remember something of your lessons.”

I was paralyzed with terror. I remembered plenty. I recalled every insult she made about my form. Seared into my memory was every snide comment about how I treated my spanking models. I have dreams where Mrs. Marshall is critiquing every single thing I did. Remembering was not the problem; the problem was I might never forget this bitch and her class.

Then I realized that I had nothing left to lose. What else was she going to do to me? Fail me and criticize me some more?

I placed the paddle against her ass. Slowly I ran the paddle over the curves of her bottom. This was supposed to sensitize the ass for the spanking about to come but it served a different purpose for me. I was building up courage and ramping up my anger.

I grabbed her bra strap as a handle and swung my paddle back. Her back dipped as she prepared for the blow. I deliberately waited a few seconds more than necessary. Let her sweat for once.

The paddle swung through the air and connected with Mrs. Marshall’s ass. It was a good solid hit. Technically I think it was too hard for an opening spank and I am sure Mrs. Marshall was going to count it against me but I didn’t care. The gasp she made when the paddle hit her was worth it.

After the first hit, my body went into automatic. I swung the paddle again and this time hit her right buttock. A second hit landed on her left buttock. I alternated back and forth until at a random moment I struck her square in the center of her ass. All of those classes and instructions were actually paying off.

I pulled tighter on her bra as I picked up the pace. I peppered her ass with spanks in a clockwise manner. Her round bottom turned a lovely shade of pink. After applying the clockwise technique, I switched back to a left-right pattern that traveled her ass from top to bottom. From there I tried a more advanced two hit followed by the three hit rhythm. My fear had melted away as I put every lesson to work.

Spanking Mrs. Marshall’s lovely bare ass was nice, but the real treat was the lack of criticisms. That didn’t mean she was silent. She groaned when I struck her hard and she moaned when my paddle hit her in one certain sweet spot. For all I knew she could be mentally failing me but at least she wasn’t saying it out loud. When she whimpered from a fast barrage of spanks, I could almost believe she just a woman and not the bane of my semester.

It was also turning me the fuck on. I released her bra strap and it snapped painfully down on her back. She spun her head around and glared at me but fuck, I was too horny to care. I kept spanking her except now I reached underneath her and grabbed a handful of her bra covered tit.

I expected her to cuss me out. Mrs. Marshall moaned instead. I moaned too. Sinking my fingers into those tits that have teased me all semester was awesome. My erection throbbed and I spanked harder as a poor sex substitute.

My paddle tore into Mrs. Marshall’s ass. Despite my arousal, I was still spanking her according to the techniques. I had a death grip on her tit but my paddling arm was tapping out different rhythms on her now red ass. My anger had faded and now I was spanking with pure libido.

“Fuck!” Mrs. Marshall said. “Stop, stop stop!”

I stopped in mid swing. Oh shit, I was worried. I figured I had flunked for sure. I still had her tit in my hand though.

“Fuck me,” Mrs. Marshall said.

I stood there dumbly.

“Fuck me Peter!” Mrs. Marshall said. “Fuck me now while my ass is still hot. Do it!”

There was no arguing. I let go of her tit and ripped my pants open. I yanked my boxers down and took my cock in hand. Mrs. Marshall spread her legs and reached for me. She took a firm hold of my cock and guided me in.

Wet warm delicious liquid forbidden perfect heaven engulfed my cock. I sank into her pussy till her burning hot ass pressed against me. The heat radiating from her spanked ass was incredible. Pride surged through me. That ass is burning because of me.

We fucked. My cock rammed into her with the same fury that I had spanked her ass. Mrs. Marshall growled as we fucked, urging me to go faster and faster. I kept spanking her ass with my hand. After giving one of the best spankings of my life, I wasn’t willing to stop.

We came pretty fast. It is debatable who climaxed first. It was like we had been fucking for a good long time before my cock was in her. We were both ready to burst and it didn’t take long at all.

After we finished, I reluctantly pulled out and pulled my pants back on. Mrs. Marshall simply sat back down on her chair. I smirked when she winced at her bottom touching the seat.

“Not bad, Peter,” Mrs. Marshall said.

I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t much of a compliment but at least it wasn’t an insult. That’s progress, right?

“I’m going to give you an ‘A’,” Mrs. Marshall said. “And I want you to seriously consider taking my advanced spanking class next semester.”

“Uhh, I’ll consider that,” I said.

“See that you do,” Mrs. Marshall said.

Five Stars of Awesome

Have a minute? I need to ask a favor of anyone who has purchased one of my books. It doesn't matter if you bought a PDF or a physical book. I need to ask your indulgence in some sort of arcane science called 'marketing.'

Specifically, I would like you to go to Lulu and either rate a book or write a review. There is a lot of erotica for sale on Lulu but 99% of it doesn't have ratings or reviews. Quite frankly, it looks like a bunch of vanity projects for sale and without any sort of customer rating, you never know if you are purchasing someone's dirty IM chats that they made into a book.

Right now only the Island Princess book has a rating. Whomever did that gets a cookie. When you write your review or give your rating, feel free to be as honest as you like. Mostly I want to let new consumers know that these books are actually read and enjoyed by people other than my wife.

I have no idea if this kind of customer participation will result in even a single new purchase but hey, it's not about the money. It's about my vanity. Please help me feel like a real grown up author.

Click on the links below to go the main page of each book.

Thanks.

Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem

Cell Phone Slave

The Colette-Ashbee Collection

Island Princess Bedtime Stories and Activity Book

Fiction: Those About to Fall

Defina stepped onto the platform. The wind whipped through her long red hair. The wind also bit into her nude flesh and sent chills down her spine. The hoverwing straps provided no protection from the cold as the only purpose of the straps were to separate and accent her breasts. She slid down her goggles over her eyes so that she could see. It was a glorious day.

The dozen other jumpers stood beside Defina. They were a fine gathering of Euphorian flesh. Each one of them was a champion of Fuck-Falling as well as a celebrity among the planet bound masses. Defina was honored to stand among them this year.

A hologram of Queen Erishella appeared. The regal Queen appeared as a giant before them. She was dressed in white furs that blended in with the clouds. Her lips were painted the color of blood, a color some of the Fuck-Fallers would see today.

“Those about to fall, I salute you!” Queen Erishella said.

That was the signal. Defina stepped off the platform.. Some of the fallers jumped. Two of them turned around and fell backwards. No matter their style of entry, they all began their plummet to the planet below.

Defina kept her arms together and pointed her body. Her lithe body cut through the air like a dart. She knew from experience that a little distance between you and the others were advisable. Interfering with other Fuck-Fallers was forbidden, but when a person is splattered across several fields, there isn’t exactly a way to compensate a fouled player.

She also knew that separating yourself from the crowd was a good way to get the vidcameras focused on you. It was one thing to win; it was another to win with style.

The beauty of the planet of Euphoria stretched out before her. Falling like this, you really appreciate what a wonderful planet this was. Vast cities, giant mountains and lush oceans made up this world. It would almost be an honor to crash against it.

A twisting body caught her eye. It was hard to tell from here, but judging from the platinum hair, Defina guessed that it was Levase. The woman was a rookie and a rising star to have made it to today’s match. It would explain why she was obviously panicking. Her spinning body was out of control and Defina seriously doubted anyone could masturbate at that speed of rotation.

Well, they could masturbate, but they certainly wouldn’t climax. If they didn’t climax, then the hoverwings wouldn’t activate. If the hoverwings didn’t stop you from smashing into the ground, then how could you be alive to score points depending on your performance?

Speaking of which, Defina decided that it was time. She spread her legs as wide as she could, knowing that somewhere a flying vidcamera was zooming in. Her right hand went to her cunt and began stroking. Her left hand went to her chest and began mauling her wind pressed breasts.

Defina knew what the crowds below wanted. They wanted to see her stick four fingers inside her. They wanted her back to arch in the throes of sensual spasms. They wanted her red hair trailing behind her body like a flaming comet’s tail. They wanted to see her play with massive tits they would never get to touch.

The curve of the planet was flattening out at a disturbing pace. She could pick out details on the ground below. She was entering the danger zone, that sweet spot of fatality where if a fuck-Faller didn’t orgasm soon, then there was going to be pulverized souvenirs for the fans on the ground. It was also the area where you can get the most points.

Defina let go of her breast and grabbed her ass instead. Under the watchful eye of the vidcameras, Defina violated her ass with a desperate urgency. She began to spin, head over heels as she finger fucked her cunt and her ass.

The viewers at home would be breathless. They would wonder if she had lost control. They would wonder if she was about to die. Those who were masturbating would quicken their pace to climax before she died before them. Of course, some of them would hold off their orgasm, hoping to come when they saw her graphic death happen.

The thought of denying those fans their orgasm aided in bringing about Defina’s. She smiled at the thought of those bloodthirsty bastards, their cocks in their hands, waiting for her gruesome death and needing her blood to come. The thought of a million assholes groaning in disappointment sent a surge of delight through her cunt.

Defina came. She moaned in pleasure as the vidcameras recorded her facial expressions. The hoverwings activated. Defina spun once and then assumed a landing position with her legs. She pulled out the finger in her ass but she kept the one in her cunt stroking. The crowd loves an insatiable star.

She landed safely. The absence of falling felt strange. The afterglow was overtaken by the roar of the crowd. The judges were announcing the points she had earned. Her knees were still shaking from her orgasm. It felt good.

She stood up and ignored the points. Defina waved to the crowd with her pussy soaked fingers. In a minute, she would see how she scored but for now, Defina wanted to bask in the love of a million screaming fans. Right now, she was a winner.

Island Princess for Sale

The Island Princess Bedtime Stories and Activity Book is available for sale from Lulu. It is available for purchase at the startlingly low price of $9.99. Other erotica books with stories and activities can cost you as much as a thousand dollars I would imagine.

Just between you and me, this book is the shit. I am terribly proud of it. From start to finish, it is a weird erotic book that has my sense of whimsy and humor on every page. If you don't like me, you will hate this book. If you think I am mildly amusing, this book WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

It includes every Island Princess story published on this blog plus, three BRAND NEW STORIES you have never seen. George Sportelli did the cover as well as three black and white pictures that you can color. The book includes word games, word searches, matching games, a few sexual activities and absolutely no crossword puzzles because they suck. It is a thin book perfect for sliding under your mattress. The preview copy already got me some from my wife, imagine what it can do for you!

Press the button below to be transported to Lulu's eager merchants.

Fiction: Treasure Box

“Nash Nighthammer, I have a quest for you!”

Nash looked up from his mug of ale. It was Turnik Nightslice, the accomplished thief and more accomplished rascal. He was carrying a large sack like he had just robbed a merchant’s guild. It was said that he once robbed a judge of his beard while he held court. It was also said that Turnik could steal a lump of shit from a constipated man. Nash knew that all of this was true, but most importantly; he knew Turnik was a friend.

“Don’t tease me, Turnik,” the mighty warrior said. “I have not had a decent quest in three weeks. The last quest that was offered to me was to kill some of the local wolves.”

Turnik snorted. “Tough times my friend.” The thief sat down at the table. He sat opposite Nash because when a thief is your friend, it is a courtesy to stay where you can see them.

“What do you need me to do?” Nash said. “Help knock out some guards while you steal some large gem?”

Turnik shook his head. “I have a box I can’t open. I stole it from the Mad Preist of the Unseeable but damn if I can open it.”

Nash frowned. “You can pick any lock and open any chest. If you can’t open it, what chance do I have? Do you want me to break it open?”

“Nah, my friend,” Turnik said. “I just knew this would be in your expertise.”

The thief pulled something out of the sack. It was a large box, but nothing like Nash had ever seen before. It was shaped like a woman on all fours. She was a solid piece of wood but every curve, every dimple and every inch of her wonderful body was carved with affectionate detail.

“I figured if anyone could get a box shaped like a woman to give up its secrets, it would be Nash Nighthammer.”

Later, alone in his room at the inn, Nash studied the box. He wasn’t about to try to open it with an audience. For one thing, he didn’t need Turnik’s good natured mocking as Nash tried and failed. More importantly, he didn’t want Turnik’s mocking if he opened it in a few seconds.

The strong warrior finished the last of his ale. He did have a knack with women. His broad shoulders and powerful muscles drew women to him easily. What people like Turnik never understood was that getting women as easy, knowing what to do once you have one is another adventure altogether. Nash was a warrior, but he was also a fast learner.

Nash examined the box. The wooden woman was on her hands and knees. Her heavy breasts hung down but with a Goddess’s firmness. The carved hair framed a face that looked stern. The legs appeared to be on hinges and Nash saw the scrapings of a hundred lockpicks trying to pry those legs apart.

The warrior sighed. Only a brute goes straight for the legs. He placed his hand on the back of the wooden women. He let his rough fingers lightly glide along the curve of her spine. Hands that could crush a skull between his palms were as delicate as feathers on the back of the carved woman.

The wood groaned as the back dipped.

Nash reached under the box and reached for her breasts. Instead of crushing the round wood, he gently stroked the breasts. The wood heaved in his hand but he kept stroking. With each stroke, the carved breasts seemed to get softer but the nipples became harder.

Turnik had offered him a share of whatever was in the box. He was a friend but he didn’t know Nash that well. Nash would have done this for free. Not even a magical wooden woman should go without.

He caressed the box but still it would not open. Nash wasn’t surprised.

“You are a pretty box,” he whispered. “The prettiest treasure chest I have ever seen. Won’t you please open for me, pretty box?”

The sound of cracking wood filled the small room. Nash looked to the legs but they were not moving. On a hunch, he checked the face. The stoic face was now smiling like a young woman.

“I don’t know who owned you before, but tonight I am glad you are mine,” Nash said.

A groan came from the box. The legs parted a mere inch.

“A box like you is a once in a lifetime adventure,” Nash said.

The box pressed back against his hands as the legs parted another inch.

“Damn, you are one sexy box,” Nash said.

The legs popped apart. Nash looked to see if there was an opening. There was, but it was not for a potion or a gem. This opening had hair, drops of moisture and a smell that was unmistakable.

Stopping now was unthinkable. He didn’t know if magic wooden chests had feelings, but he knew nothing should know rejection. He stood up and pulled his cock out of his loincloth.

It was a perfect fit. Nash wasn’t surprised. He was a little surprised how warm it was. He was very surprised with how wet it was. It was amazing what you could do with magic in this age.

Nash fucked the wooden box. The oddity of the situation did not occur to him. She may have been made of wood and strange mystical powers but she had needs. Nash was a warrior but at his heart he loved to aid those in need.

It also was a really hot box.

Nash climaxed. He didn’t know if the box climaxed. As soon as his seed left him, the back of the box opened. Inside was a scroll.

Nash kept fucking. The box groaned its pleasure. Only when the box became cold to his touch did he pull out.

He picked up the scroll. It was a map. More than likely it led to some secret treasure guarded by devious traps. Turnik would ask him to come along and help carry the loot. There might even be an epic battle or two waiting for them.

Nash looked down at the box. The legs were closed again. The face was smiling and the eyes were closed. He may have retrieved the map, but Nash was prouder that the box was happy.

Nash himself didn’t know where his talent with women came from. It never occurred to him that he was good with women because he treated each one of them like they were a rare treasure.

Island Princess Progress and Other Books

I spent the weekend working on the Island Princess Bedtime Stories and Activity Book. A proof copy is headed towards me and George Sportelli and when we are happy with it, you can buy it as well. Pictured here is one of the coloring pages.

By the way, George Sportelli is an artist god and I highly recommend him for anyone wanting a commission for their books, websites or personal guilty pleasures.

At barely a hundred pages I was able to drop the price significantly. It will cost around 10$ for the paperback version. Consider that my Christmas gift to you this year. I also reduced the price on some of my other books if you have been holding out. I left the price of 'Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem' alone because damn it, that thing took a lot of work.

This will also be the last book for awhile that is non-traditional. Erishella's tit, it can be a pain in the ass to plan puzzles that go past a page. It is also no fun to realize that all of your coloring pages are on the left side of the book when they need to be on the right side. In the final formatting of the book, I had to create three new activities to fill in gaps. It is so much easier to chain together a bunch of short stories than it is to chain together stories, art, a maze and puzzles.

I am also considering only doing three published books next year. 'Pusse and Cox' is written and almost ready for publishing. My untitled pirate anthology is coming along at a good pace and will hopefully be ready for summer. My Violatrix book is coming along much slower and might be ready for Christmas if I don't do a 4th book.

On the other hand, my 30/30 Porn Project is coming along in fits and starts but I have two good ideas for audiobooks. I picture these at thirty minutes or an hour long each for female submissives to listen to. Technically that would bring up my total expected books for 2011 to be five but hey, don't hold me to it.

Fiction: Lapdance and a Taco

There is a taco place where the best thing to eat is not on the menu. Called simply ‘Maria’s’ it is only open for lunch from 11 to 2. It is one of those trendy places in downtown Atlanta where bankers and executives sit around and brag about how down to earth they are as they chow down on a 5 dollar taco and drink bottled water. Maria is a stunning Mexican woman in her fifties. She has the biggest tits ever to be held in by a straining blouse.

She’ll happily sit you with you in the dining area unless you ask upfront for a number 38. That’s when things get interesting. First of all, Maria will give you a big wink and a salacious grin like she is going to jump your bones right there. She leads to the back and through a dark hallway. There is a row of doors and she opens one of them to reveal a small area barely five feet square. Inside is a chair, a single light bulb dangling from the ceiling and a small table. Maria will sometimes pinch your butt before closing the door behind you.

You wait a few minutes and then the music starts. It’s always guitars. I think it’s that mariachi music but there is no singing. You just hear the plucking of multiple guitars as they build up to an exotic beat that could only come from the south.

Right when the music is in full swing, your order comes in. A busty Hispanic woman in tight jeans and a tighter shirt comes in with a plate. On the plate is the world’s greatest taco but carrying the plate is the hottest tits and ass you’ll see that week.

Oh my God, the girls are always different but they are always beautiful. There are no skinny stick women here. The women are always curvy with an ass that can barely fit in the small space you are in. The women also have amazing breasts that are on the verge of spilling out of the low cut white cotton blouses they wear. The tits are pushing so hard against the cotton fabric that you can always make out the dark spots of their nipples on their chestnut brown skin.

Now you have a choice at this point. You can either eat the taco first, or you can have the lap dance. That to me is always the toughest choice.

That might sound crazy to you but let me tell you about the taco. First of all it is a soft taco shell that was just fried two minutes ago. The meat is a combination of chicken, pork and beef that has marinated over night in a special citrus sauce. It’s garnished with lettuce so fresh that the lettuce was still on the ground this morning. The taco is awesome just as is but they give you a little cup of salsa that was mixed by the owner and her tremendous jugs fresh that day. When you want a taco made from heaven to be a little more divine, add the salsa.

But then, you haven’t had a lap dance till you’ve had one here. The girls are clothed but that’s okay. Sexy dancing doesn’t need skin. These women dance to the strings of mariachi guitars like they have been saving their virginities just for you. She sit on your lap, they squirm, they dance and they take very deep breathes in their tight shirts. They play with their hair, they play with your hair and their whisper sweet dirty things in Spanish that I am sure are illegal.

Sometimes I eat the taco first so I can taste the exotic flavors on my lips as the beautiful woman teases me with cleavage that I want to dive in.

Sometimes I have the lap dance first so that my cock will be throbbing hard in my pants as I take my first bite of the superb taco.

The lap dancer leaves with your money and brings back the change. The music never stops which makes it nice to eat to. There no refills so you are alone on that. For 30$, it’s a steal. I mean, the taco alone should be worth 15$.

I give it four stars.

Professor Elemental

Professor Elemental is a rapper who raps about normal every day life. You know, things like giant airships, combining animals and humans, exploring distant lands and his orangutan servant. He is what you can call a steampunk rapper except unlike 90% of most indie rappers, he actually has wonderful production values and great music.

Warren Ellis posted this video a few weeks ago and I loved it. I bought the album and it has been playing in my car ever since. My wife loves it as well and we have a pretty good duet going when it comes to 'Fighting Trousers'. You owe it to yourself to buy his album, 'Indifference Engine' at Professor Elemental.com

There is a lot to praise about Professor Elemental but I think the highest praise I can give him is that he made me jealous. Even though I write about sex, mad scientists and pirates, he seemed to be having a little bit more fun. I took that lesson to heart and renewed my dedication to writing about any crazy shit I want to make myself happy.

Fiction: In Network Death

Holly Valentine was in a tight spot. She was tied down to a wooden platform of some kind and the platform was dangling about a pit of frothing water. The fact that she was nude concerned her a little but it didn’t surprise her. She had a great ass and people were often dying to get a look at it. It was one of the hazards of being an investigative reporter.

“Ms. Valentine, I see that you are awake!”

Holly turned her head and saw the diabolical Doctor Pain. The evil wretch of a man was in charge of a vast empire of HMO’s and Insurance Providers. Holly had been investigating his company and discovered that his companies were charging people ten times the necessary amount for life saving procedures.

The wicked Doctor reached for Holly’s face. He brushed a strand of her long red hair out of her eyes.

“Such a shame that you have to die,” Dr. Pain said. “But you know too much and I can’t have you publishing your stories before Congress gives me a big fat bailout.”

“Oh?” Holly said. “Does your evil plan involve you killing me with your bad breath?”

“It’s a medical condition!” Dr. Pain screamed. “And no, my evil plan involves slowly lowering this platform into that pool of vicious miranhas.”

“Don’t you mean, piranhas?” Holly asked.

“Aha!” Dr. Pain said. “No, these are miranhas, a special breed of meat eating fish from the rivers of Brazil. These fish eat a hole into their victims and then eat their way out. However, if a victim already has a hole, like say an anus or a nicely trimmed vagina like yours, then they enter through there to eat you!”

Holly wrinkled her pert nose. “I thought you were a sick fuck for denying people with preexisting medical conditions, but you are even sicker than I thought!”

“I know, right?” Dr. Pain bragged. “And I have decided to make things interesting!”

Dr. Pain showed Holly a rather large vibrator. She watched silently as he strapped the vibrator to her inner right thigh. He pressed the head of the vibrator against her pussy.

“Does this attract the mirahnas?” Holly asked.

“No,” Dr. Pain said. “I just thought it would be sexy to do.”

He turned the vibrator on. Holly shuddered as the vibrations played against her pussy. Within seconds, she was wet.

“Shit,” Holly thought. “That must be a Von Madd vibrator.” She was really fucked now.

“Good-bye, Ms. Valentine,” Dr. Pain said. “I have a congressional hearing to prepare for.”

Holly waited till the evil insurance CEO had left the room. Once the door closed, she went to work on her bonds. Judging from the rope work on her hands and feet, they were done by professionals. She wouldn’t be slipping out of these ropes any time soon. That is not to say she couldn’t escape in time. Her cousin, Amy, used to tie her up a lot when they were kids. Holly suspects her cousin might have been bisexual and engaging in family inappropriate games with Holly, but that was okay. Holly was bisexual and inappropriate too.

The platform dropped an inch with warning. Holly’s body shook and then it shook some more as the vibrator bounced against her sex. Oh God it felt good. It had a week since Holly had gotten laid last and this vibrator was reminding her of what she was missing. Holly shifted her hip a little to see if she get the vibrator off her sex. It stayed where it was.

:”I got to get out of here,” Holly said. She wiggled and pulled against the rope.. She did a few wrist contortions she learned from a double jointed masturbator. She clenched her magnificent ass and tried to pull her ankles free. Holly’s body was constantly in motion as she tried to escape.

The platform dropped another inch. Holly wondered if the asshole doctor had it rigged on some sort of dramatic timer. The vibrator pressed against her sex and she forgot about the platform. Waves of pleasure cascaded through her body as the vibrator worked its magic.

She thought about the guard she seduced to get into the insurance headquarters. She thought about his cock slipping into her as he grabbed her firm ass. She thought about him pulling her red hair as he slammed into her. She thought about coming and thought about it a lot.

The table dropped again. “Fuck!” Holly thought. “I got to get out of here while I still can.” She tried to ignore the vibrator and went back to work on the ropes. She tried to move her wrist in a move she saw once in an Atlanta dungeon and she almost had her hand free.

But that’s when the platform dropped again. The vibrator fell against her pussy and Holly forgot all about Atlanta. She sighed with pleasure as fresh sensations flooded her mind. By the time she regained her focus, the platform was dropping again.

“I’m going about this in the wrong order,” Holly said. “I can’t escape first.”

Holly closed her and eyes and stopped thinking about the mirahna. She forgot about the rope and the platform and diabolical Dr. Pain. She turned her mind to the vibrator strapped to her leg and how wet her pussy was.

The vibrator buzzed. The pool below her bubbled with angry mirahna. The wooden platform sway in the air. Holly’s hips humped the vibrator as best she could.

The platform dropped again. A drop of water landed on her cheek. Holly imagined that it was semen. She pictured a football team crouching between her legs and taking turns eating her. She visualized a pussy specialist masturbating her as part of her annual check up.

She pictured the look on Dr. pain’s face when she crashed the congressional hearing.

Holly climaxed. Her body exploded in a blossom of sensation. Her ass clenched as she bit her lip in pleasure.

She opened her eyes. She only had less than a minute before her body was ready for another orgasm. It would be enough. Holly had the clarity she needed and the vibrator was just an annoyance for now.

Holly used an escape technique she had learned when she was investigating the TSA. A slip, a pull and a twist and she was free. She yanked the vibrator off her leg and stood on the platform. She was barely two feet above the water. A mirhana was looking at her with his misshapen eyes.

“Ugly fucker,” Holly said. She jumped off the platform, the vibrator still in her hand. She was thankful to be on solid ground again. All she had to do now was find some clothes, sneak her way out of here and get to the Senate hearing tomorrow. Piece of cake.

She noticed that the vibrator was still in her hand. “You, I’m keeping.”

Erotica Threat Level: Holiday Brown

You are looking at the cover of the next Shon Richards book. I smiled so hard at this cover that my face hurts. I sing George Sportelli's praises a lot but damn, he nailed it. This is exactly the feel I wanted to have. It's a children book for adults. I'll be putting the book together soon, reading a test copy and will have it ready for purchase next month. The book will include three brand new Island Princess stories and around 20 activities.

The 30/30 P Thing has been brutal. Writing a new story and then recording it every day has taught me a lot about the process. For one thing, it is really hard to do a sexy voice recording when I am feeling goofy or exhausted. What has been useful is the demands of doing a new story has forced me to use some ideas that have been on the back burner for ages. This kind of rapid publication is turning into an idea factory for stories. I have created three new characters that I really like already.

One thing the 30/30 P Thing has taught me is that I really hard on myself. I was depressed Sunday because I only had two stories in the buffer and I didn't feel like writing. This blog is my hobby that makes me a tiny amount of money and I am berating myself for a perceived lack of progress. I have done nine stories, recorded them and sent them out to listeners and yet I was depressed because I couldn't come up with another story on Sunday. Cripes, I have issues.

This Wednesday I will post a story which introduces a kissing cousin of one of my oldest characters. She will be the start of a new group of stories I want to do where I explore pulp style stories of the 30's and 40's in a modern context. Quite frankly, you don't need secret evil organizations of perverts when you have the TSA. I hope you like her.

Fiction: Bounty Offer

Isaac Cox organized his personal list of downsides to being a bounty hunter. Traffic had slowed to a crawl on the highway and he needed something to do Getting shot was still high on the list as well as the indignity of pissing in a plastic bottle on a long stake out. He also kept getting punched in the nose high on the list because that always fucking hurt. As bad as all of these things were, Isaac realized today that there was something far fucking worse.

#1 Downside to being a Bounty Hunter- Female fugitives

“Come on, don’t you want a blowjob that goes all the way down my throat?”

“No, thank you,” Isaac said for the 56th time this trip.

Jenni Hyler sighed. Her abundant pale cleavage threatened to escape from her tight blouse. She blew her long red hair out of her face and Isaac was convinced she did it just to have a reason to pucker her full lips. Her hands were cuffed but they were in front of her. She could easily use them to move her hair but that wasn’t Jenni’s style. She preferred to use her mouth for everything.

“Every had a woman lick your balls while you were in her throat?” Jenni said. “I can do that.”

Traffic moved three inches. Isaac closed the gap before answering.

“No, I haven’t,” he said. “I’m still not letting you go.”

“You could come in my mouth,” Jenni said. “Or on my tits if you like. I’d even let a nice stud like you come on my face. You’re a very handsome black man. I would love to have you splatter my face.”

Isaac gave her smile #2, the one that told people that he knew they were full of shit.

Jenni frowned. “What? You are really good looking. I’m not just saying that. You must work out every day. Were you a model?”

“Close,” Isaac said. “I worked at a male strip club. There is more money in bounty hunting.” That wasn’t the whole story but he wasn’t going to tell a criminal like Jenni the truth.

“A male stripper?” Jenni said. “Oh, so you’re gay.”

“I am not gay,” Isaac said. “I am just not letting a bail jumper go just for a blowjob.”

“The charges are bullshit, you know,” Jenni said.

“I don’t care,” Isaac said. “I get five thousand dollars for bringing you back. No blowjob you can give me would be worth five thousand dollars.”

Traffic moved five inches. Isaac pushed the car forward and enjoyed the silence. Hopefully Jenni would take his rejection as a signal to give up.

“Ok, you can fuck my ass,” Jenni said.

“What?” Isaac asked.

“I have only let one man fuck my ass and I made him buy me a new car first,” Jenni said. “It hurt but it felt so good. He said he never had an ass tighter than mine. Wouldn’t you like to see how tight that is?”

Isaac kept his eyes on the road. “Still not worth five thousand dollars.”

“How would you know?” Jenni purred. “I tell you what, since you might be the last cock I get before prison, I’ll let you take a test drive. Fuck my ass and if I am worth it, you’ll let me go.”

“No,” Isaac said.

“No? Are you turning my ass down? I work out every day and do a hundred lunges. You won’t find a better ass to fuck. Shit, you look like you could use a fuck. How long has it been for you?”

Isaac was too stunned by her directness to think of a lie. “About six months,” he said.

“Fuck!” Jenni yelled. “I’m surprised you are walking upright! Look, now I have to give you a pity fuck. Just unzip and I’ll suck you off right now. You don’t even have to let me go. Consider it a free taste before you have my ass.”

Isaac hadn’t been a bounty hunter for long but he had a feeling that letting Jenni suck him off was a bad idea. Then again, so was going six months without getting laid. He verified it in his head. Yep, six months ago, Christie and him had sex in her apartment right before she told him they were growing apart. He remembered that night very well. She rode him and he admired her breasts. He also remembered that growing apart was code for she didn’t want to date a guy who owned handcuffs that were not for kinky reasons.

“Hey, are you listening?” Jenni said.

Isaac looked Jenni over. He couldn’t believe he was actually thinking about it. Jenni was hot, but she was also a fugitive. To be fair though, she was really fucking hot. She had breasts so soft looking that he just wanted to dive in with his face. Her full lips looked like they could suck a basketball through a garden hose. The best part was, she might even shut up if his cock was gagging her mouth.

Isaac looked back at the road. All the years that he was a stripper, he never did anything that made him feel bad about himself. When a suitcase of mob money got left at the club, he was always the one to return it. When a shoot-out broke out between lady cops and lesbian biker gangs, he was always the one to drag a wounded stripper to safety. Isaac was basically a good person and de had a feeling that fucking criminals was not something that he was going to be proud of in the morning.

On the other hand, Jenni was really fucking hot.

“I am horny,” Isaac said out loud. He was mostly talking to himself. It was a bad habit he picked up from working alone.

“You look horny!” Jenni said. Her voice dropped to a husky tone. “I swear baby, I could do things to you that you would never imagine. I’ll be your slut, your whore and your bitch rolled up into one.

“Yep, I am horny,” Isaac said. That actually sounded good.

Traffic was at a standstill. Isaac lifted his hips and unzipped his pants.

“Oh shit, right here?” Jenni asked.

As an answer, Isaac pulled his pants and boxers down. His hard cock stood at attention. Jenni gasped when she saw it.

“Fuck baby, that is going to feel so good in my ass.”

“Open your mouth,” Isaac said.

Jenni quickly obeyed.

Isaac held his hand out flat against her mouth. “Lick,” he said.

Jenni stuck out her tongue and gave his hand one long loving wet lick.

Isaac’s cock throbbed. Fuck, he was horny.

He pulled his wet hand away and wrapped it around his cock. He squeezed her spit against his firm member. He groaned and enjoyed the sensation.

Isaac pumped his cock with his hand. Of course, Jenni wasn’t going to be quiet.

“No, no, no!” Jenni said. “Let me do it! I’ll jack you off. I’ll have to use both hands but I’ll do it!”

Isaac didn’t answer her. He jacked off a little faster. He pictured her using both hands. He pictured ramming her head down onto his cock. He pictured her mounting his cock. He imagined being inside her ass.

He pictured Christie watching and getting jealous.

“Please!” Jenni begged. “Let me at least swallow it!”

Isaac didn’t care if she was sincere or not. He didn’t care if she was still trying to bribe her way out of jail. Hell, he didn’t care if she was really worried about never getting cock again. With his cock in hand, the only thing that mattered was that she was begging to swallow him.

“Fuck!” He climaxed. A healthy mess of sticky seed flew up and landed on his lap. Traffic moved four inches and he ignored it. He kept jacking until he was done.

It took awhile. Jenni sat quietly as she pouted. He reached across her to get tissues out of the glove compartment. Isaac cleaned himself up while Jenni stared at his wilting cock.

“I’ll still suck you,” Jenni said.

“No thank you,” Isaac said. “I’m good now.”

Isaac decided to revise his list. Female fugitives weren’t so bad.

Do You Hear What I Fuck

An old friend of mine, Isabel, got back in touch with me recently. Isabel is a phone sex Mistress who works at a lovely website that offers audio recordings as a side business. I have always loved Isabel's writing and the only thing more delightful than her writing is to hear you read it herself.

Listening to her recordings and the recordings of other mistresses, I got that itch to try it myself. I enjoy writing my stories but sometimes I wish I could really convey the utter annoyance in Mr. Dillon's face. I wish my readers could hear Otto Von Madd's brilliant confidence. I think the Texanah stories in particular might be better listened to instead of read.

On a style note, I like the intimacy of a audio story. I sometimes feel that my stories lack heat. I am confident in my ability to tell a plot, but I worry sometimes that my stories are not particularly sexy. An audio story, especially one where the speaker addresses an unheard recipient, is like a dirty letter. It forms a bond that I think is very sensual. I think I can tell some sexy stories, especially some BDSM ones this way.

To aid me in this endeavor, I downloaded the demo version of Mixcraft. It is a bit overpowered for my purposes. It is a lot like buying a Hitachi wand to use as a paperweight. I love it. That thing is smarter than me which lets me just record things and not worry about it keeping up with me.

I learned a lot recording my first story. For one thing, don't read the whole fucking story in one take. also, don't tuck your foot under your leg because halfway through the story you will want to move it and your loud creaky chair will drown you out.

The most important thing I have learned is that some stories are not meant to be read out loud. Things that look great on paper and inside your head, don't necessarily sound right in the mouths of people. The best example I know is Frank Miller's Sin city. On paper, the endless narration reads like a wonderful deluge of misery, crime and desire. In the movie, spoken by people, it sounds like a parody of noir spoken by someone with criminal tourettes. You won't know if what you write is genius until you actually read it out loud.

Which doesn't even get into how my voice sounds to me. Holy crap, I do not like my voice. I sound like a teenager in my opinion. Where's the super cool voice I hear in my head all of the time? I am greatly disappointed.

Isabel and I were discussing our productivity issues. We decided to do what we call the 30/30 Porn Thing. We will write and record a new story every day for thirty days. The emphasis is to produce something, not over edit ourselves into paralysis. This works great for me as it forces me to use Mixcraft and learn how to use it on a daily basis.

This is where you, my curious readers, come in. I am thinking of setting up an email list where I send out a link to the audio story of the day. Feedback is appreciated as I do genuinely want to make stories worth storing on your iPod. Right now I have two stories done and have 28 to go. Man, thanksgiving is going to be tricky.

If you would like to be a part of this, please send an email to shonrichards at yahoo.com. Put 30/30 P Thing in the subject line so that I catch it. Every day, at some almost random time, I will send out an email to the people on the list. I will use internet magic to blind copy the email so all of you secret readers don't have to know each other. I will be using Box.net to store the downloads and I am cuious how that works too.

Fiction: Personal Management

Queen Erishella sat on her Skull Throne. The planet of Euphoria and its conquered worlds required an immense amount of attention. A complex team of governors, enslavers and scientists handled most of the work but some details were too important to be left alone.

The Queen pressed a button on her throne. A giant screen hovered in front of her. She dialed in the designation and the connection was immediately made. When the Queen calls, the video phone always answers.

A harried wretch of a man appeared on the screen. “Queen Erishella! I did not expect you to call till next week!”

Queen Erishella did not answer right away. She wanted him to get a good look at his Queen. She wanted him to notice the bright emeralds woven into her long black hair. She waited till his eyes took in that she was topless except for a small sprinkling of diamonds between her breasts. She waited till his eyes traveled down to the large ruby she wore over her sex. The Queen wanted to remind him of the wealth and power she symbolized.

“Peltus, I am concerned that your new tax model will not be ready for implementation,” Queen Erishella said. “As my Tax General, I will accept nothing less than a flawless execution of my new policies.”

“Of course, my Queen,” Peltus said. “But we have never attempted something like this before. A tax deduction proportional to the girth of a cock or the firmness of a breast is not something we have tried before. I am also concerned that heavily taxing those who have sworn vows of celibacy may cause warfare among the more esoteric religious orders.”

Queen Erishella narrowed her eyes. “Are you telling me that you think my ideas are unfeasible?”

“Never, my Queen!” Peltus quickly said. “I merely confess that my humble brain struggles to realize your divine brilliance! Even then, I fully expect to begin indoctrinating the tax collectors in the new policies beginning tomorrow.”

“Excellent news,” Queen Erishella said. “I can see that my policy of forbidding you an orgasm till you completed this work to be a strong motivator. How long has it been for you?”

Peltus groaned. “Seven months, 2 weeks and 14 days, my Queen.”

“Would you like to experience a temporary release?” the Queen asked.

“Oh Gods, yes,” Peltus said.

“Unzip and take out your cock,” Queen Erishella said.

Peltus rose from his desk and ripped his pants open. His cock was ready and pulsing. He gripped his cock like a long lost friend.

“May I have some lube, my Queen?” Peltus asked.

“Absolutely not,” Queen Erishella said. “If my mere attention is not all the lubrication that you need, then you need to report to the Royal Doctor.”

“Yes, my Queen!” Peltus said.

“Now stroke, slowly my Tax General,” she said. “As slow as your miserable progress on my new policies.”

Peltus obeyed. Under her watchful eye, Peltus stroked his cock with deliberate slowness. His poor cock throbbed in his hand and he trembled with barely contained excitement.

“Grip your balls,” Queen Erishella demanded. “Grip them as tightly as I want to wring the credits from those bastard religious scoundrels.”

Peltus used his other hand to grab his balls. As his Queen watched, Peltus grabbed himself most tightly. He winced a little but he knew that anything less than his full strength would be unacceptable.

“Stroke a little faster,” Queen Erishella said. She glanced away and admire the nude body of one of her slaves. He was a recent acquisition from the Gem Moon of Carnelia. His cock was three times the size of Peltus. Queen Erishella knew from personal experience that the slave’s cock could last at least an hour before finally surrendering his seed. She was half tempted to promote the slave to Tax General just to have more interesting reward sessions.

She turned her attention back to Peltus. His hard cock looked ready to burst. Queen Erishella frowned with disapproval.

“You have no self-control,” Queen Erishella said.

“Yes, my Queen,” Peltus said. His voice cracked as he struggled to hold back his climax.

She shook her head. “You are going to burst at any moment, aren’t you?”

“Yes, my Queen!” Peltus said.

Queen Erishella watched him. He was more than ready. He was dying to climax but he knew better. He had to have her command first. His life depended on it.

“You said that the tax collectors will begin training tomorrow?”

“Yes, my Queen!” Peltus said.

“And they will be trained in three days?”

Peltus winced as he kept stroking. “It will take five days, my Queen!”

Queen Erishella stared at him. Her hand played absently with a diamond next to her right nipple.

“Three days!” Peltus said. “I swear my Queen, they will be trained in three days!”

The Queen glanced at her bed slave. She might learn his name tonight. Maybe she will just name his cock instead.

Queen Erishella looked back to Peltus. “You may climax.”

“Yes,” Peltus yelled. “Glory to the Queen!”

Queen Erishella watched as his cock gave his offering. He made a mess on his desk. Seven months was a lot of come.

She turned off the screen. She pressed a button on the Skull Throne. Another face appeared on the screen. It was the Governess of the conquered Gem Moon of Amethystine. The woman was squirming from three months of sexual denial.

“Meridix, I am concerned that you are behind in your slave shipments for the production of more Ravish,” the Queen said.

The Queen spent the rest of the day managing her kingdom’s affairs.

Consortium of Genius

'Music For Supervillains' is a CD for the special villainous soul in your life. Crafted by the Consortium of Genius and selling for the criminal low price of $9.99, this CD contains a bunch of songs for every evil personality in your confused brain. The CD tells the story of the Consortium of Genius and their rather pathetic failures in the area of zombie creation. In between failures, they segue into songs in the styles of country, metal, lounge songs etc. In other words, it is some crazy shit.

I downloaded the CD because hey, music for supervillains, and I have to say that I was a little unimpressed at first. It won me over however with it's rather fearless commitment to jokes I would have given up on long ago. There is something wonderfully cheesy about the whole affair that requires the listener to have a drink and chill out. It is like a super extended Mystery Science Theater 3000 skit. I have a feeling that these people would be awesome to see on stage and after a bit, I found myself tickled by their crazy humor. It just goes to show that commitment to a crazy idea can overcome anything.

They are a comedy group but they are also quite good musicians. Some of the songs are just umm, genius. 'Zombie Apocalypse Barbecue' is going on my next road trip. 'Mallet of Metal' brings a tear to my jaded Dungeons and Dragons soul. I really have to give some special praise to 'Everybody Dies (But Me)' as it may be my favorite Femme Fatale song of all time.

As a guy who writes erotic stories about a mad scientist, I recognize that this band has the same insane commitment to their pet project. The wonder of the internet makes it possible to share in their hallucination. Give their album a try at CDBaby at this link here.

Fiction: Last Minute

“Son of a bitch!” Ashley screamed. She gripped the bed sheets tight as the invasion continued.

“Should I stop?” Gabby asked.

“No!” Ashley said. “Keep pushing!”

Gabby pushed the dildo harder. Slowly it sunk another inch into Ashley’s stretched anus.

“Fuck!” Ashley yelled. “Do you have to go so fast?”

“It’s your own fault,” Gabby said. “You knew you needed to take eight inches for your first test in Anal Proficiency, so what do you do? You wait till the last damn minute to get your ass ready for it. You can’t get away with that kind of shit here at Eros University.”

Ashley took a shuddering breath. “Just keep pushing, please. My test is tomorrow. You can chew me out if I fail.”

Gabby shook her head. She loved her girlfriend but sometimes she drove her up the wall. She took a firm grip on the dildo and pushed it deeper. The pen mark on the dildo told Gabby that only five inches were inside her love. It was going to be a long night.

“Just promise me you’ll never cram for a test again.”

Fiction: Fucktopia Orgy

Fucktits had a lot to do today. She had to unfuck the clog in Pipecock 27. She had to lick her aunt at lunchfuck and later she promised to help Suckmouth give blowjobs to the guys in water refucking. But first, she had to investigate a suspicious sound coming from the Cuntportal.

The lights flickered as Fucktits walked. No one ever fucked here. There was no need. The Cuntportal only went to the outside world and who would want to go there? According to the porn books, the only things outside were bright light, something called ‘bibles’ and people who didn’t fuck. It sounded like the most boring orgyplace ever.

Fucktits could hear the sound now. It sounded like someone was spanking the Cuntportal from the other side. The spanking sounds were regular pulses. Sometimes they would go faster and then slow down. Could there be someone on the other side?

There was only one way to hump for sure. Fucktits turned a lever. Steam from the boiler rooms far below reached the fucklock. The steam pushed the cockpiston which worked the Cuntportal. The huge metal gears fucked together.

For the first time in over a hundred years, the Cuntportal opened.

There was a man on the other side, but no man Fucktits had ever seen. His body was covered for one thing. It was like he took bed sheets and wrapped them around his legs and chest. The fact that Fucktits couldn’t see his cock was unsettling. How could he stand there like that and not be naked? It was vulgar.

His face was cute though. He had a thin brown goatee like the paintings of the FuckFounders that hung in the Suckroom. He wore weird purple goggles like the ones they used in the boiler rooms. He smiled when he saw her, as if he was greatly relieved to see her. The poor man. He must need help taking off the cloth that was choking him.

“Hello, I am Dr. Otto Von Madd,” he said. He offered his hand to her.

Fucktits giggled. What a weird name! She took his hand and pressed it to her tits. He squeezed it once and Fucktits was impressed with his breastshake.

“My name is Fucktits,” she said. “Are you a narrow minded prude?” She wasn’t sure what that term meant but it was something they taught her about the outside world in threesome class as a child.

“Not exactly,” Dr. Von Madd said. “I take it then that this is Utopia Seven?

“Oh no, that’s not us,” Fucktits said. “This is Fucktopia Orgy.”

The doctor nodded wisely. He moved his hand away from her breast. “Fascinating. It appears that your isolationist colony has evolved and created your own language. Judging from your physical perfection, I am assuming that you were somehow able to reproduce without genetic anomalies.”

Fucktits frowned. The man was saying all sorts of gibberish. It was probably because the odd things on his body were constricting blood to his cock. Well, like her mothers used to say, fuck like you would like to be fucked.

She stepped up to Otto and pulled off the white sheet that draped his shoulders. He watched her silently as she worked out his belt and figured out his zipper. She pulled his pants down and stared in wonder at his boxers. The rising erection was familiar to her and she pulled the boxers down to release it. Once his cock was free, Fucktits stroked it to make sure it was okay.

“Simply amazing,” Dr. Von Madd said. “When I came across Professor Honstorn’s journals on unleashed reproductive urges and his proposal to make an underground paradise where men and women would be free to act on all of their carnal impulses, I thought for sure I would simply find a bunker with a few skeletons and an open bottle of absinthe. You have no idea how many sexual utopias dating from the 18th century end up that way. I am very impressed.”

Fucktits stroked faster. The man was obviously insane. She only understood a few words of what he said but she didn’t hear fuck, suck, come or orgy in anything. It was like he came from a severely retarded world.

His cock felt good though. She wanted it inside her mouth. She let go of his cock and kneeled. Fucktits opened her mouth and waited.

She smiled when he put his cock between her lips. Well, he wasn’t completely retarded. At least he knew where his cock was supposed to go. Her lips sealed around him and she moaned happily.

“That is wonderful,” Dr. Von Madd said. “Rarely have I had so much sectional torque applied while maintaining excellent levels of lubrication. Fucktopia must be very advanced sexually.

Fucktits did something with her tongue that Dr. Von Madd had only previously experienced with a hundred year old Tibetian prostitute.

“Extraordinary,” he groaned. “Tell me, how many people do you have here?”

“Two hundred and fucking eight,” Fucktits said with his cock still in her mouth. It never occurred to her people to stop sucking or licking to talk.

Lucky for her, Dr. Von Madd was used to people answering his questions while sucking his cock. He understood her perfectly. He enjoyed her sucking for a few minutes before asking his next question.

“I assume that your complex is powered by steam and clever clockwork devices?”

Fucktits reached down between her legs and stroked as she sucked. “We use steam to make the gears fuck and climax power. The minepounders get the coal and the metal-masturbaters stroke the gears.”

He reached down and stroked her hair. His fingers did something wonderful to her scalp. Fucktits called out to the Gods, Wet and Hard.

“And what do you do for sustenance?”

“What the limp does that word mean?”

Dr. Von Madd thrust a little faster as he thought of a better way to phrase the question. “What do you suck that isn’t people?”

“Oh!” Fucktits said. “We suck and lick mushrooms that we make hard in the glass bedrooms.”

“Fascinating,” Dr. Von Madd said. “So, your orgy is complete? You don’t need anything else to keep fucking? You are self sufficient? I mean, your people can masturbate forever?”

Fucktits nodded. She felt his cock erupt in her mouth. He tasted strange, not of mushrooms at all. She liked it.

“Then I think the best thing to do would be to reseal the door,” Dr. Von Madd said. “The outside world would not be as understanding. Perhaps I can leave a radio here so if your orgy does need something, I could assist.”

Fucktits looked up at him and stroked herself.

“What’s a radio?” she asked.

“You’ll like it,” Dr. Von Madd said. “I’ll teach you how to have phonesex on it.”

Fuktits smiled. She didn’t know what phonesex was but it sounded dirty and new. Maybe the outside world had something to offer after all.

The Mermaid Question

This lovely sketch card was drawn by Joe Gravel and you can try to buy it on ebay. There is a lot to love about this image, from the crab to the pouty look on the mermaid, but it brings to mind a problem I am experiencing. I am not sure whether to include such supernatural hijinks in my pirate anthology next summer.

When one writes about male and female pirates on a ship together in the 1500's, you are essentially writing science fiction. That kind of stuff didn't happen and the kind of sexual pleasure orgy ship I am envisaging would have trouble sailing much less looting with all the fucking they are doing. Porn trumps historical accuracy in this book.

Yet I find myself holding back when it comes to adding things like mermaids and sea monsters. They are such a rich part of the lore and yet once I have mermaid sex in the book, I cross a mythical line on the deck. That would be the point where readers expect Captain Long John Cock and singing pirates.

(Pirates did sing chanties and I plan to have some in the book, but you know what I mean)

Suspension of belief in porn is a funny thing. By funny I really mean it is a pain in the ass. Perfect tits can break suspension or they can make a story. Simultaneous orgasms can make readers roll their eyes or cinch the moment in their memory for the rest of their lives. It is a question of taste, style and execution and sometimes it can be just plain dumb luck. I have written stories about clone women fighting giant lobsters and it was the improper gun safety that one reader complained about. You can't predict these things and if you try to head off every possible problem you can go insane.

Which is what makes writing such an adventure sometimes. Even when you write about zombies, witches and mad scientists, you don't have automatic license to throw in a ship swallowing whale. You have to make that judgment with every story you do. If you do include the fantastic, you have to see how it fits with the rest of the story. Just like perfect cocks and buoyant tits, they might sound great but they don't fit with everything. I wish I had a hard and fast anwser or guide to refer to but the truth is that you just start to develop a sense over time. It doesn't feel right to add mermaids to my book so I probably won't. Only you can tell if weird shit is right for your story.

Pirates however, are always okay.

Fiction: A Letter Before Sleep

Dear Sirs or Madams,

Congratulations on your purchase of Kothic Manor. It is a wonderful house with a long and distinguished history. I hope that your stay here will be as eventful and exciting as it was when I lived here.

I would like to introduce myself. I am Lord Kothic, the builder of this house just a century ago. You may wonder how I am able to communicate to you but rest assure that the black magic and gruesome sacrifices that I practiced has ensured my continual immortality.

The purpose of this letter is to inform you that I plan to molest you in your sleep. My body is no longer human but I have many useful new appendages and an insatiable lust for fucking the living. When I say that I will molest you in your sleep do not worry that you will sleep through it. You have my personal guarantee that you will be awake for every perverse second while I abuse your body to my undying heart’s content.

Please do not concern yourself with your gender. At my state, a warm body is pretty much the same no matter the plumbing. As long as you have a mouth and an ass, I will be sure to penetrate you in ways that will surprise and terrify you.

I would also like to assure you that if you are sharing your bed with a loved one, that it shall not protect you. In fact, I will penetrate both of you happily at the same time so you can share the experience. As I said, my body is no longer human and quite frankly, the more the merrier.

I do politely ask that you refrain from bringing any weapons to bed and try to use them on me. That’s rude and I am afraid I may become a little cross. By cross I mean I might take you downstairs to my secret lair for my own amusement. The forever disappearance of home owners tends to make it harder for the house to be sold again. No body wants that.

Last, I would like to make a small request. If one of you could wear a corset, that would be most appreciated. Also, candle light would really help set the mood.

Until I hold you down in your bed and take you,
Thrice Damned and Twice Blighted, Lord Kothic

The Complete Drive-In

When I was in Seattle this year, I picked up Joe R. Lansdale's 'The Complete Drive-in'. It is an omnibus of three novels that take place, well, at the drive-in.

Four friends go to the drive-in to watch a marathon of horror movies. Partway through, something abducts the whole damn drive-in area. I'm talking about multiple screens, all the cars, all the people and the concession stands. They find themselves transported to an area of endless night and unexplained electrical power. The movies keep playing and any one who braves the surrounding darkness is dissolved and spat back out.

Then things get really bad. Some stories will fuck your shit up and these tales are no exception. What starts as an amusing if baffling story degenerates into cannibalism, orgies and a whole fucking lot of murders. Bizarre monsters and even more bizarre insane characters prowl the book. It ain't pretty. As jaded as I think I am as a reader, I had quite a few moments where I just couldn't wrap my mind around the depravity I had just read. Yet I kept reading, because when you are on a roller-coaster of a story like this, you can't wait for the next dropping thrill.

This collection has three books about this abducted drive-in. It is like the best b-movie never made. Just like a b-movie, it is fearless in it's horror while relishing in the insanity of its plot. As a writer, this book was just inspiring in its audacity. I wish porn was half this fearless.

I can't recommend this collection enough to horror fans.

Fiction: Halloween Whupping

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I knew better. Melanie knew better. There are three things you don’t do in Harvest Creek. You don’t speed on Pumpkin road because that is where the sheriff sets up his speed trap. You don’t let boys grab your tits on the first date cause then they will never stop trying to get in your pants, and most of all, you never cut across Old Man Bruno’s cornfield.

Melanie was hollering something fierce but I didn’t move. She sounded real close. It was hard to tell in this cornfield. Sound travels and at night, every row of corn looks the same. If I went to go help her, I might get even more lost.

That’s what I told myself. As I sat under that big October moon, I told myself that not helping Melanie was the smart thing. I didn’t have to admit that I was one scared girl. Huddled in cold corn, I could pretend that I was just a helpless girl who got lost coming home from the Halloween Party at Jack’s house.

I could also pretend that a fucking scarecrow wasn’t spanking the shit out of my best friend.

It had to be Old Man Bruno. It was the only thing that made sense. Except Old Man Bruno just yelled at you and threatened to sick his dog on you. This was different. This wasn’t right.

Melanie and I were cutting through his farm and we saw the new scarecrow. It looked scary. No, not Halloween scary, but evil. I think the word is sinister. It had a big jack-o-lantern head that was glowing brighter than any candle. Black overalls covered its body but it was shiny like what those perverts wear in music videos. Instead of hanging on the scarecrow cross, it looked like it was relaxing.

“It looks like it is just hanging out,” Melanie had said.

“I don’t like it,” I told her. Scarecrows shouldn’t look like they are leering.

“I want to get a better look,”

Melanie started walking to it. I followed along because what else was I going to do? I was in a hurry to get home. Every one liked my sexy nurse costume but it was freezing to walk around in. Melanie on the other hand was wearing a furry cat suit. That was a much smarter costume. All the boys liked and she got to keep warm.

Hank was supposed to take us home but he was drunk and spending all night trying to cop a feel off that slut, Wendy Gertin. Melanie and I thought we would just walk home instead.

We got like about ten feet away from the scarecrow when it turned its head at us! I screamed, Melanie screamed and then we both laughed.

“It must be one of those automatic things,” she said. “Like that witch that cackled when we got close to it at the party.”

That was when the scarecrow jumped down.

Now we were really screaming. I turned around and ran. I looked behind me and I saw Melanie on the ground. She probably tripped on that stupid tail of hers. The scarecrow was running right for her.

Now I want you to know I am no coward. When Alex Terry used to pull my hair in grade school, I would punch him right in the nose. When that slut Wendy told nasty rumors about me, I walked right up to her in the middle of lunch period and I told her skank ass off. My daddy raised me to stand up for myself and I wasn’t going to let some asshole dressed as a scarecrow harass my friend.

Well that asshole scarecrow was something special. He picked up Melanie by the hair with one fucking hand. Melanie is no light weight. I’m her best friend so I can’t say how much she weighs but I’ll just say that no normal man can pick her up with one hand.

When I saw how strong that scarecrow was, I stopped dead in my tracks. I just stared in disbelief as he put Melanie over his shoulder and pulled her pants down. With one mighty rip, he yanked her pants clean off. Her big ass looked even paler under the moon.

That’s when he started whopping her. He didn’t have hands. He just had straw sticking out and I would have thought that straw wouldn’t hurt but I was so wrong. You could hear that straw cutting through the air as he swung and when he hit Melanie’s ass she screamed like she was on fire.

All I could do was watch. It was just so unbelievable. It was also kind of hot. I mean I ain’t no pervert but that scarecrow looked happy doing what he was doing. He thrashed her bottom with his straw hand and even from where I was standing I could see her bottom was turning red. Shoot, I know my ass had never been as touched as much as Melanie’s was tonight.

As for Melanie, she was screaming and carrying on but she wasn’t fighting much. She kicked her legs a little and pounded on its back but mostly she was just yelling. Momma would wash my mouth out for saying it but I wouldn’t be at all surprise if she was a little wet.

Anyway, that mean scarecrow finally noticed me. He looked me up and down and I knew I was in trouble. I was wearing white stockings and a short mini skirt. I was pretty much asking for a spanking.

So I ran. I ran and I didn’t look back. I don’t think the scarecrow chased me. I heard Melanie start screaming again and I knew he was spanking her. I dropped down in the corn and just hid.

The screaming became a little different. It sounded a little weird. It sounded like groans.

It sounded a little like se was having sex. Well, the closest thing I have to compare it to was when the school caught Wendy giving a blowjob to Owen Mitchel in the bathroom. It sounded a lot like the noises Owen was making except it was Melanie’s voice.

So here I sit. Too scared to see if Melanie needs help, and too scared to get up and try to go home. I am so glad that I am not her right now and yet for some reason, I’m a bit jealous. All I can do is wait. At some point that scarecrow has got to let Melanie go. I mean, you would think, right?

Man, I am never cutting across Old Man Bruno’s cornfield again.

Halloween Foreplay

Halloween is almost upon us and I can't be happier. This is a time for imagination and crazy shit. When I die I hope I am reborn in Halloweentown. This week I will be posting two Halloween stories so think of it as a double feature. Until then, I thought I would share some of my favorites that might be under your radar.

Phantasm (1979) by Don Coscarelli - True story. Once upon a time, little Shon Richards had parents who rather have their kid where they can see him rather than having him play in his room while they watched terrifying movies. Little Shon Richards saw Phantasm and for the next ten years he had a panic attack any time it was dark and he walked in front of a mirror. This movie gave me nightmares like nothing else.

I watched it a few years ago for the first time since childhood and I immensely enjoyed it. It is a creepy movie about a kid who discovers that the local mortician is stealing corpses and creating an army of monstrous slaves. It sounds simplistic but the creepy tones and rather bizarre threats keep you thinking. Heck, flying steel spheres of death is not something you can easily dismiss. It is a great mood movie for Halloween.

The Traveling Vampire Show by Richard Laymon - This nasty horror novel has been called a coming of age story and since it is set in the 60's, the might expect something like the Wonder Years but instead it is set in a world with sexually abusing parents, evil strangers in cars and the occasional vampire circus. Three teenagers are excited to discover that an illicit sideshow is coming to town and they are hoping to see some nudity and thrills. They get a big heaping of stalkers, kidnapped family and gruesome murder all done in the Laymon style.

I guess I should warn you that this is not a traditional vampire book. You won't see pale wispy men with feelings. Heck, you don't even see a vampire till the last 50 or so pages. It is a book about teenagers trying to stay alive in a world that gets creepier by the page. Because Laymon wrote it, there is buckets of violence and platters of sex. You are going to love it or hate it, but I certainly love it.

Peculia by Richard Sala Richard Sala is an amazing artist who creates comics that look like the coolest black and white horror movies never made. Anything he does is gold but Peculia has a special place in my heart. It concerns the adventures of a woman who tends to go for morning walks and gets captured by witches, cat-women and the zombie. There is a fairy tale quality to her stories that are a big influence to my Island Princess stories.

Trixie's Treats - Sometimes you just want to visit a blog that feels like Halloween all year round. Between this blog and Trixie's Tumblr, I am never at a loss for inspiration. In my deepest funks, I can always turn to Trixie's sites for something that either gets my libido going or the hairs on the back of my neck to rise.