Fiction: Guided Entry

Explorer’s Log: I am a week away from the star system designated Queen’s Firm Breasts by Royal Astronomers.  I finally finish processing the last of the metallurgy surveys of the asteroid where I did my repairs.  It was a lot of tedious record keeping and analyzing but I am sure the Royal Navy will find them useful and give me proper compensation for the minerals I found.  End Explorer’s Log

Explorer’s Personal Log: I never want to see another metal scan in my life.  At least it kept me busy for a few days.  There is fucking nothing to do on this fucking ship and I got seven more days to kill.

Vaquel Di stepped into the harness.  Her nude brown body was suspended by straps around her thighs and shoulders.  She positioned herself so that she was bent over with her ass high in the air.  A heavy application of lubricant glistened on her ass.

The harness was designed for some sort of complex isometric exercise that Vaquel never got the hang of.  Today she was using it to secure her position for a good ass-fucking.

At the back of the ship was a modified microprobe.  A Deep Space Explorer had to get into a lot of tricky places and the micro-probe was designed to do just that.  It had a tiny anti-gravity motor that let it carry the probe down deep canyons, dangerous caves or bottomless shafts.  It usually carried a payload of super sensitive scanning equipment, but now the payload had been replaced with Vaquel’s vibrator. 

Vaquel waited on the harness.  She reached between her thighs and stroked her sex.  She had preprogrammed the micro-probe to launch and seek out her anus.  Since she had to remove the sensors to put in the vibrator, Vaquel had to calculate the flight plan ahead of time.  It was a shit load of math, physics and vector programming for an ass fuck but it wasn’t like she had anything else to do while in space.

This was going to be awesome or it was going to be a disaster. 

The microprobe timer expired and it launched.  The anti-gravity motor hummed as the microprobe hovered through the ship.  It was a straight path to Vaquel’s waiting ass but without the sensors to compensate for fluctuations and course corrections, nothing was ever simple.  A million things could wrong and Vaquel had tried to guess them all.

Vaquel stroked faster.  Her sex was wet from all the preparation.  Working on the math had been a turn on.   Making sure her ass was well lubricated had been a turn on.  Sitting here in her harness was a hell of a turn on.  All her work was either going to succeed and fail in the next few seconds.

Cold metal pressed against her ass.  It mad missed her anus by an inch but Vaquel adjusted her curvy ass.  The tip of the microprobe touched her anus and began a slow push inside.

Vaquel cried out.  The speed she had programmed was perfect.  The unrelenting push slowly opened her ass.  Vaquel struggled to maintain her balance in the harness.  Her ass was being split apart and it was everything Vaquel had hoped it would be.  Despite the need to remain still, Vaquel’s fingers were furiously stroking her sex.

The microprobe kept pushing.  For one terrifying moment, Vaquel worried that she had miscalculated the depth.  The thought was so frightening that Vaquel’s cunt couldn’t stop clenching in excitement.

Right as the invasion in her ass reached her breaking point, the Microprobe stopped.  The vibrations activated a second later. 

Vaquel moaned.  Her fingers kept stroking her wet cunt but she almost didn’t feel it.  Her entire world centered on her ass and the metal intruder inside her.  She felt expanded.  She felt ripped apart.  She felt like nothing she had ever experienced.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel cried out.  Her orgasm rippled through her body.  She clenched reflexively and her cheeks tightened around the microprobe.  The microprobe continued to vibrate.

Vaquel reached behind her and touched the microprobe.  Her wet fingers found the power relay and deactivated the probe.  Carefully, she pulled the microprobe from he rass.

A new wave of pleasure rippled through her.  The only thing more delightful than a forceful invasion was the removal of the invasion.  Her ass came back together as the microprobe was removed.

Vaquel sighed happily in the harness.  As she closed her eyes, she wondered if she should modify another microprobe.  Programming two microprobes to penetrate her at the same time would be one hell of a feat. 

She smiled.  She didn’t have anything else to do.            

39 and Kicking

I turn 39 today. I am still a little shocked. Cancer has a way of stealing the future. I have obsessed over treatments, side effects and getting some of my affairs in order just in case the worse happened, and then here I am, still alive.

Alrighty then.

Because I am a hobbit at heart, I would like to give you your gift for my birthday, the gift of Ryan Kickland's music.

Fiction: The Lazurus Project

I was in a meeting when my phone vibrated. The ‘C’ network was negotiating the wedding broadcast rights to one of our reality stars and we were debating the right time to plan the divorce. My boss wanted the divorce to be three months later but marketing had strong evidence that a 3 week later divorce would be a bonanza. It was a crucial decision that could impact the ratings for the next reality show wedding.

When the reality star’s agent negotiated for bachelorette party, I checked my phone. My heart sank when I saw the message. I also got a hard-on.

The message was just “H”. H stood for Holly Valentine, ruthless reporter for the INX website. So far in this past year Holly had revealed the C network’s involvement in creating our own octuplets mother as well as our bribe to a has been celebrity to marry a porn star. She was destroying our company’s reputation one story at a time.

H also stood for handjob. That was the payment Holly valentine usually gave me for the information I leaked to her.

“Let’s break for lunch,” my boss said. “And while you are on lunch, I want you all to think of what magazines we want to offer exclusives to for the wedding, and what magazines we should offer exclusives to for the divorce.”

This was my chance. I could sneak away from the office, go down several streets until I reach our pre-arranged alley, and get my handjob from a hot redhead reporter. Or I could do the smart thing and eat my lunch inside the office and stop risking my career for cheap thrills.

Five minutes later I was outside. I kept telling myself that the only reason I was going was because I wanted to tell Holly in person that I was quitting. I swore to myself that I would not tell her anything. I would be good this time.

I reached our alley. It was a dark place with plenty of dumpsters and boxes to hide behind. The smell of urine was overpowering. My cock was throbbing like a reality star on her first network sponsored bender.

“Over here, “Holly said.

She was standing behind the dumpster. Long red hair flickered like fire in the dim light of the alley. She had a business appropriate black skirt on that went down to her ankles but her black blouse was decadently open. Her pale freckled breasts jiggled freely with every step she took. Lipstick as red as her hair called out to me.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said. I was surprised at my strength.

“Yes you can, Bob,” Holly said. She said it with such confidence. My weakness was just another fact to her.

“No,” I said. “Not this time. When you published that story about the porn marriage, my boss was convinced we had a leak. I’m just lucky they fired that Muslim guy and quit looking.”

Holly came closer. I couldn’t get over how lewd she was with her open blouse. She ran her painted red fingernails over her hard nipple. Anyone could come down this alley and see her like this. She looked like a hooker and I was her dirty filthy customer. Oh God, I was hard.

“Unzip your pants,” Holly said. Her green eyes commanded me.

“No,” I said.

“Fine,” she said. She unzipped my pants. I could have fought her but I didn’t. I did nothing as she pulled my pants down to my ankles. She took my cock in her hand and I moaned. My cock pulsed in her tight grip but I couldn’t be responsible for that. In my heart, I was resisting her.

“I have heard of a secret project,” Holly sad. “Something called the Lazarus Project.”

I gasped in terror. How had Holly even heard of that project? It was the most protected secret in all of the C Network!

“You have heard of it?” Holly said.

“I can’t tell you,” I said. “Hey, I can tell you about our next marriage/divorce schedule if you want.”

Holly looked down at my cock. “No, I want to hear about the Lazarus Project. Celebrity networks don’t usually invoke a biblical reference unless it is really big.”

“I can’t,” I said. “They would cut my dick off if they ever found out.”

Holly nodded. For one brief moment, I thought she was going to understand how serious I was. That moment faded as soon as she liked her crimson lips.

“And I will suck your cock for the information.”

Oh shit. This beautiful redhead wanted to suck my cock in a dirty alley on a busy day. I squealed a long whimper of defeat.

“Start talking,” Holly said.

She squatted down before me. The alley was too dirty for her to get on her knees but that was okay. She held my cock in her hand and guided me toward her lips. I felt the brief flicker of her tongue against me before her red lips engulfed me. Further and further she guided me into her mouth until I felt her nose breathing on the base of my cock.

“The Lazarus Project is a way to recoup money invested in celebrities who have outlived their market potential,” I said. That might sound like a sophisticated description coming from a man getting his cock sucked, but to be honest I had the whole proposal memorized. Balls deep in a woman’s mouth, my brain were on autopilot.

Holly’s eyes looked up at me. Her cheeks caved in as she sucked harder. I gripped her shoulders as my knees threatened to give out. The look in her green eyes told me to keep talking.

“The recent funeral of that singer really showed us how much money could be made of a death,” I continued. “You can air old footage, create shows where friends remember the dead and then finally you can televise the funeral. The person can have destroyed their reputation before they died but it doesn’t matter because only assholes speak ill of the dead.”

Holly pulled her mouth down the length of my cock. I was afraid that she was going to take me completely out of her mouth but no, she reached my tip and then plunged back down on my cock. I re-entered her mouth in slow motion and every last bit of resistance within me melted.

“Waiting for celebrities to die is inefficient,” I said. “So our plan is to approach a few and encourage them to die on a schedule. Some will do it for money up front while others will do it just for the chance to give input on their memorial broadcasts. There is no shortage of celebrities who want to manage their last days.”

Holly moaned. Or maybe she growled, I wasn’t sure. Either way, the vibrations of her mouth did wonderful things to my cock. I had to put my hands against the dirty wall behind me for support.

Holly pulled her mouth from my cock. A line of spit fell from my cock and onto one of her perfect freckled breasts. She gripped my cock and jerked me.

“I am going to need know when this project is starting,” she said.

A horn honked from the street and it was too loud to answer right away. “It has already started.”

The reporter frowned. “I am going to need the names of the people who have signed on.”

“No way,” I said. “You have enough to ruin the project just by exposing it. Of course, it will just be a rumor and when someone dies, people will wonder if- OH GOD!”

Holly took me back into her mouth. She moved fast and hard on my cock. There was no more teasing, she was just trying to get me off. The redhead choked on my cock as she sucked me in the dirty alley. It was fucking perfect.

I gave her names. I told her about the 80’s child star and the 90’s boy band singer. I told her about the cooking show winner and the reality show judge. I told her out schedule and our prime sponsors. I told her the focus group determined cause of deaths as well as the real reason that celebrities die in threes. I told her everything.

Through out it all, Holly fucked my cock with her face. She gagged herself like the whores I never had the courage to buy. The more I talked, the faster she sucked. Every bit of information I gave her just motivated her more.

I came in her mouth. Usually she just jerked me off onto her breasts, but this time she swallowed as I emptied myself in her. Any guilt I had in revealing my network’s secrets was swallowed away by her willing throat.

When she let go of my cock it took everything I had to keep standing. My knees were shaking and my balls were drained. I knew that my company would be ruined but I just couldn’t summon the will to care.

Holly stood up and buttoned her blouse. “Thank you, Bob. I will text you again if I need anything.”

“Where are you going now?” I asked.

Holly smiled at me. “I have more sources to pump.”

Dirty Books: Tong in Cheek

Tong on Cheek by Glen Chase is a 1973 sex spy book about Cherry Delight. Cherry works for N.Y.M.P.H.O which stands for New York Mafia Prosecution and Harassment Organization. Cherry is a natural redhead who loves sex and hates the mafia. She is deadly with guns, knives and unarmed combat and she great in bed.

The plot is that three Mafia hitmen have gone to communist China to make a deal with the criminal element there. Cherry is assigned to kill these guys and while she is at it, make sure they don't form a Mafia-Triad alliance. Intrigue!

You would think that with a title like "Tong in Cheek" that this would be a humorous book with cheesy names and funny situations. You would be totally wrong. This humorless book tries to be very serious while at the same time playing on almost Yellow Peril stereotype you can imagine the from the 70's. I read a lot of books from the period so I am used to the casual racism, but the situations and places covered look like they fell out of a pulp book from the 20's. And just to be clear, I don't mean that in a good way.

The book has plenty of sex but not much else. The plot feels frayed and strange. One good guy character gives off so many traitor vibes that I am utterly confused when he never becomes a traitor or is even suspected as one. A secret Chinese treasure is introduced part way through the story and hijacks the plot. You almost feel like there was an accident in the plot workshop and two books collided.

This really becomes apparent in the final act when people get captured and tortured. After more than a hundred pages of sex, two graphic torture and murder scenes feel very out of tone for the book. Cherry gets gang raped which was another dark surprise. It is like watching Porky's and then in the last 20 minutes, Eli Roth murders everyone.

According to the internet, Glen Chase was the same author who did the early Lady from L.U.S.T. books. The difference is pretty amazing. The one Lady book I read was light on sex and heavy on plot. This book was 90% sex and a really shoddy plot. There is an interesting essay to be written about the changing expectations of spy erotica over the years but I will let someone else do it. All you need to know is that this book is not any fun and not worth your time.

I give it One out of Five Pam Griers.

Sheba's Tacos

For a limited time only, Sheba’s is proud to announce the return of the Sheba Taco! You have heard about it, you have dreamed about and sometimes you thought it was as rare as a drama free threesome, but now it is finally here!

Just imagine: a crunchy corn shell shaped to fit between the thighs of a beautiful woman. Fresh lettuce that was shredded moments before you ordered it. Cheese made from real dairy products*. Real ground meat that came from a cow that grew up on an all cowgirl ranch. ** All of it prepared by a topless Sheba’s employee! ***

Choose from three types of salsa! We have Summer Affair for those who like it hot! We have Passion Fruit for those who like it sweet and running down their chin! We also have Vajayjay, our unique special salsa that you won’t be able to stop eating!

Sheba’s Tacos are available for a limited time only. Customers always say they eat Sheba’s Tacos but no one really believes you until they see you eat one. Studies have shown that men and women who eat Sheba’s Tacos are 70% more likely to satisfy their female sexual partners. ****



* Most of our competitors get their cheese from Russian sex slaves. It is not remotely sexy. Look it up.

** Most of our competitors use sand, pseudo meat and the leftover fingers of Yakuza employees who have dishonored themselves.

*** Log into your local Sheba’s website to watch a livecam of Sheba’s employees as they make your food.

**** Von Madd Culinary/Sexual Correlations Study 2010.

Fiction: Offering of the Hour

Last week I got a call from an old friend from high school. Jonathan and I used to spend all our time together playing games, swapping fantasy books and other nerdy shit. When we went to college, I kind of fell in with a cooler crowd and I didn’t want to waste all my time dressing up for Harry Potter movies. Shit, I wanted to get laid. It has been a year since we have talked and I felt a little bad for it. The weird thing was that he didn’t seem to mind at all.

“David, if I sent you some music, do you think you could play it for a project my friends and I are doing?”

Visions of nerds having some sort of Elven ceremony danced through my head.

“What kind of project?” I said as non-committal as possible.

“The music needs to be played live,” Jonathan said. “We will be doing a ritual and although the ritual takes only an hour, we need some music for the first and last five minutes. We can pay you two hundred bucks.”

“Oh,” I said. Two hundred bucks could come in handy with Spring Break coming up. “Sure, I can do that.”

“Great, I’ll email you the music and the address,” Jonathan said. “Practice it and then come to the address this Saturday at noon. Thanks a lot man, I got to go. Bye!”

I smiled. Jonathan had hung on me. All this time I had felt bad avoiding the nerd and now he was cold calling me for a favor. It was ironic and the two hundred bucks made it easier to take.

I checked my email and saw that he had already sent it to me. I opened the pdf and saw some weird pages. It looked like they had scanned some really old music pages. There were notes written on the page but it looked French or some shit. The music looked odd but it was playable.

More interesting was the drawings on the margins of the pages. It looked liked someone had drawn dozens of naked men and women. I wondered what pervy crap my old friend was up to. Well, even nerds have to get some.

The week went by and I practiced the music on my keyboard. The music was pretty funky. It almost sounds like the music you would hear in porn music; repetitious beats and music that were timed for hip thrusts. It was pretty good though. Every damn time I played I got a stiffy.

When Saturday rolled around I went to the address. It was in an okay neighborhood with not too many foreclosures. There were cars already there and I wondered if I was the music for some sort of party. I hoped to God it wasn’t a sex party because I really did not want to see Jonathan’s junk.

A woman answered the door, which surprised me greatly. She was a big girl with bigger breasts spilling out of some sort of black corset. Her brown hair was heavily hairsprayed into a threatening aura around her head. She looked at me with disdain.

“We were worried you were going to be late,” she said.

It was ten to noon. I forced a smile because two hundred bucks is two hundred bucks. “I was running late,” I lied. “My name if David.”

“I’m Moonshadow,” she said. “Come on in and set up in the living room.”

I didn’t even smirk when she said “Moonshadow”. Two hundred bucks was a great night at the bars. I was going to be as professional as possible and get my money.

“Holy shit,” I said as I walked in the living room. My goals of professionalism went right out the window when I saw what they were doing.

There was a naked woman suspended from the ceiling. She had her hands tied behind her back and she was facing down towards to the floor. The rope was blue and criss-crossed over her body in hundreds of little knots. Her ankles were bound to her thighs and the roped kept her legs indecently apart. In fact, her sex was open and pointed right at me.

“Those knots are killer, aren’t they?” Jonathan said. “It took us hours to get them just right. The book was very specific on how they had to be.

Jonathan was in black jeans a black silk shirt. If it wasn’t for the lifelong acne on his face, he would have looked vaguely sinister.

“Hey, is this some sort of sex thing?” I asked.

Jonathan shrugged. “We don’t think so. Damien thinks the nudity represents a willingness to debase oneself before higher powers.”

“Wait, did you say Damien? Is this a cult?”

“Cult is an ugly word,” someone said behind me. I turned faced a man in green robes. I thought he was wearing a snuggie at first but nope, those were real robes with a hood. He had slicked down hair and a goatee like some sort of Vegas magician who does mind tricks on the street. He might have looked imposing except for the really thick glasses he wore.

”Seriously, is this a cult?” I asked. “I like money but shit, I can’t just sit here while you cut some girl up.”

Jonathan and Damien laughed. The girl in the rope laughed too. Moonshadow turned the girl in her rope so she could face us. The girl in the rope had a pretty smile and cute short red hair. Okay, mostly I was staring at her enormous tits.

“We’re not going to kill my girlfriend, David,” Jonathan said. “Sheesh.”

“This is your girlfriend?” I asked. I didn’t know what was weirder: the freaky cult stuff or the fact that Jonathan had a girlfriend.

“David, meet Megan,” Jonathan said.

“Hey Megan,” I said. It was really hard not to stare at her tits.

“This is why I didn’t want to bring a neophyte,” Moonshadow said.

“Can you play the piano?” Damien said. “The ritual says that to forgo live music is to tempt fate.”

“Yeah, again, what kind of ritual are we doing? I’m not religious but I don’t know if I can watch you guys do freaky stuff.”

“Tell me, David,” Damien said in a way I bet he thought was friendly. It came across more as condescending. “Are you familiar with the works of Zacharie Roux?”

“Is he a soccer player?” I asked.

“Cute,” Damien said. “Zacharie Roux was a monk who left the Church when he discovered that God was very much alive and still talking to us, but we were unable to listen. Roux discovered that God was a writer and that he was writing the story of our lives every day. He learned how to read God’s word in the world around us and he taught others. Some say he taught Alexander Dumas how to become a best selling author.”

“Oh, the guy who wrote Hunchback of Notre Dame?” I said.

Moonshadow, Jonathan, Megan and Damien snickered. “No,” Damien said. “Dumas wrote the Three Musketeers. It is one of the most read books ever published and Dumas often hinted that he had divine or perhaps infernal help.”

“I don’t remember any naked tied up ladies in the Three Musketters,” I said.

“True,” Damien said. “But Roux does. Roux wrote all of his secrets in a journal called Dieu Pen. It translates literally as God’s Pen. The journal has been published and spread by his followers. There are many copies and versions but recently I came across what I think is a first edition. We have been using it to read God’s writing.”

“Interesting,” I said. As long as he had the two hundred bucks, I was cool.

“It was awesome!” Jonathan said. “You have no idea, David! We did one of the rituals and it let us see the weather for the next year! Another ritual told me that Megan was interested in me!”

“I was pretty good about hiding it,” the naked girl said.

“Okay,” I said. “What does today’s ritual do?”

Damien smiled. “Today we will talk to God.”

God apparently likes music so I set up my keyboard. The others began to draw weird patterns in the floor with chalk. Thankfully no one else took off any more clothes.

Damien nodded towards me and I played the music. The others began to chant. It felt freaky but also silly. I only needed to play my bit at the beginning and at the end. My music only took about three minutes. I finished and sat there quietly. Mostly I tried not to star at Megan’s tits.

A few minutes later, something weird happened.

“Guys!” Megan yelled. “I am in a giant glass place! There are crystals and circles everywhere!”

I wondered if they had slipped Megan some peyote or something.

“Do you see God?” Damien asked.

Megan didn’t seem to hear him. “Guys? Are you there? There are other women hanging from ropes! I see black women, Japanese women, some Mexican looking women and Jesus Christ! There is a red woman here, like something out of Star Trek!”

Moonshadow reached out to touch Megan but Damien slapped her hand away. “No, we might sever the link. Her spirit is elsewhere.”

“Uh, guys?” Megan said. “There is a guy coming towards me and OH MY GOD! He has the biggest shlong!”

Jonathan took a step towards her but this time Moonshadow stopped him.

“Oh shit,” Megan said. Her legs spread apart wider. Her whole body shook violently and she cried out. It was one long moan.

Megan shook. Hell, the ropes shook with her. It looked like someone was banging the shit out of her. She bounced back and forth and the ropes held her fucked body.

I watched her breasts suddenly change shape. It took a moment to realize that they looked like someone invisible was grabbing her. That someone was holding her tits as they gave her the fucking of her life.

“Do you have no questions for your God?” a voice came from Megan’s throat but it sure as fuck wasn’t Megan. It was deep and commanding. Like your dad when he knows you have fucked up.

“God?” Damien said. He dropped to his knees. “God, is that you?”

“Yes, Eugene, it is me,” Megan answered in that freaky voice. “Your offering is pleasing. Her cunt is wet and ready for me. I shall speak with you.”

They sure as shit don’t talk about shit like this in the Bible.

“God, this is Moonshadow! I have a question too!”

“Of course you do, Hillary,” the voice answered. Megan’s eyes grew wider as something pulled her hair and fucked her harder. “All who are here can ask their question!”

“God,” Damien said, still on his knees. “How may we gain more knowledge to better serve you?”

“You want more knowledge to have more power you lying sack of shit,” the voice said. “But since I created you, I forgive your selfishness. Go to your history professor and offer yourself sexually to him. After a week of oral service, he will let you borrow his more forbidden books. Be sure to swallow.”

Damien looked very pale. “Uh, is there no other way? I thought sodomy was a sin?”

Megan cried out on her own voice. Her eyes grew wide and the shaking got more violent. She winced in a way that I had seen a few times in porn. I glanced at her ass and saw that the anus was wide open. The poor girl was getting her ass fucked.

“I created all sin, and all sin is good,” the voice replied. “And I am telling you to suck your teacher’s cock if you want power. The choice is yours.”

“Jesus,” Damien/Eugene said.

“Next question!” the voice called.

“Sir, it’s me,” Moonshadow said. As if God needed people to identify themselves. “How can I become rich and powerful?”

“Hillary, your journey is harder,” the voice said. “Mostly because you are a greedy and bitter creature created to make others suffer. If you desire money, you can achieve it by going to Dallas, Texas and seeking out the Queen in Blood. That is a leather club that specializes in dominating rich older men. Go there and tell them that you want to become an apprentice. They will sorely test and abuse you but if you persevere, you will have your own sugar daddy to abuse and despoil for the rest of your short measured life.”

Moonshadow became paler than Damien. “What do you mean but short meas-“

“Next question!” the voice boomed.

“I guess that is me,” Jonathan said. He didn’t look like he wanted to ask at all. “God, umm, what should I do to be happy?”

“Fuck,” the voice answered. At first I thought it was mad but no, he just meant fuck.

“Is that all?” Jonathan said.

“That is all there is,” the voice said. “But I will give you some free advice and suggest you try some Denacil acne cream. Next question!”

They looked at each other and then the looked at me.

“Ask your question,” Damien whispered.

I looked at Megan. The invisible hands were still mauling her breasts. I think he was out of her ass because she wasn’t making that wincing face anymore. In fact, she was smiling contently now as the fucking continued. Her eyes were half closed and she was off in her own little world.

“Yeah, I have a question,” I said. “Are you really God?”

Damien gasped. I think Moonshadow was ready to punch me. Jonathan however looked a little hopeful.

“In the beginning there was nothing,” the voice said. “And then I spoke the word and the word was FUCK! I created the earth to be fucked on. I created the sky so people being fucked would look up at it. I created the animals to fuck and to inspire fucking. I created people to fuck and fuck for me. I am your creator and all your petty desires, your daily trials and your lifelong goals are just to provide context for your fucking. Yes, I am God.”

“Fuck,” I said.

The voice grew silent. Megan’s voice became her own as she moaned, whimpered and cried out. An hour was a long time to be fucked.

When the hour was up, I played the music. The invisible fucking stopped and Damien cut her free. Jonathan put a robe around her and got her some lotion for her tender spots. Moonshadow gave me my money and showed me the door.

They didn’t contact me again.

Damien had dropped out of school and had moved in with his history professor. It was quite the scandal.

Moonshadow left town. I can only assume she went to Dallas. I tried looking up that club but it wasn’t listed anywhere.

Megan started some sort of weird burlesque/church thing on the outskirts of town. I thought about going to see it but they charge five hundred dollars at the door.

Jonathan was a different story. He left town and is traveling the country. He sends me postcards from time to time. He has been from one coast to the other. Mostly he talks about the women he is banging. He calls it his pilgrimage.

And then there is me. Sometimes I think that couldn’t have been God, but then I remember that voice. He’s God. There is no doubt. God exists and he is a big fucking pervert. War, politics, religion and all of history is just one big fucking background for the divine pornography of human existence.

I haven’t had an erection since. It is hard knowing that God is not only watching, but he might be jacking off to it.

Dirty Books: They Want Our Women

"They Want Our Women" is a stand alone comic book by Lon Ryden. A combination of short stories and one page comic gags, this funny/disturbing book deals with the sexual comedy of little green men and the earth women they experiment with.

Bondage and distress humor is always tricky. Jokes made at the expense of captured women can always lean into unpleasant serial killer territory if the writer isn't careful. What helps Ryden out is that he draws some of the cutest aliens you have ever seen and most of the women don't look all that distressed. The art style keeps the mood light even when some of the jokes get a bit dark.





The best way to get your copy of this book, as well his really nice art pieces is to go to his ebay store.

I give it Four out of Five Pam Griers

Cancer Free Since April 4th 2012

My latest blood tests show that my tumor markers are 0.7. That means I am technically cancer free.

It feels weird that in the span of four months I had a giant nad that was cancerous and now I have a clean bill of health. It feels like my life is a short TV season and the plot for this season has been resolved. Well, I will be doing cancer tests for the rest of my life but the main worry is gone. It just feels weird.

You know, chemo is no joke. It was easily the worse I have ever felt and I only did two rounds. If someone in your life is going through chemo, be fucking nice to them. Chemo patients are my new heroes.

I really need to cook more. During the worse of my chemo the most I could eat was cheese toast. That was it. After my chemo I find myself craving everything I don't know how to make. I have flirted with cooking a lot but usually I get distracted by writing and I let my skills slide. Not this time. Maybe it is a matter of not appreciating something until you can't have it, but now I want to learn to cook everything. Food is a crucial part of joy to me and I want to be very happy with what life I have left.

Mostly though I am emotionally exhausted. Cancer is too big of a topic to digest in four months. I feel angry that I had cancer in the first place and relieved that it was one of the most curable types. I am angry that it hijacked my life and happy that it is over. I am proud of myself for surviving it and not losing my mind, and ashamed that I got upset over something that is over already. I need more time to process it all.

Luckily, I have that time.

Preview: Violatrix

Communications Officer Falexia Pom waited by the elevator. Her collar had summoned her to the bridge and the young officer was nervous. This was her first day as a bridge officer and she wanted to make a good impression.

Falexia shook her head. The translator implant in her brain only required her to mentally think of the proper symbol in order to shut down, but Falexia was still trying to turn it off with physical actions. She only had the implant for two weeks but already it was making life difficult for her. It was becoming clear why most Communications Officers burned out within a solar cycle.

Falexia checked herself in the mirror glass of the elevator. Her long blonde hair was pinned back in a regulation ponytail. The black metal collar that all Royal Navy personnel wore caught the light of the hallway and glimmered. Her rank allowed her a small amount of personal jewelry and she chose modest diamond earrings looted from a previous conquest of the ship.

It was her uniform that was taking a little getting used to. The tight black skirt barely came halfway down her thighs. The regulation black thong she wore would provide no cover for her ass if her skirt rose. Her already large breasts looked even larger held in by the black leather half-shirt. Her breasts threatened to spill out of the cutaway hole that exposed her cleavage with every breath. The stiletto boots were definitely sexier than the sandals she used to wear as an enlisted crewmember. While the rest of the ship wore simple black jumpsuits, Falexia’s uniform was designed to arouse and intimidate.

She looked good. She felt good. This is what she wanted. Being a Bridge Officer meant she had her own private quarters, a higher share of the conquest loot and personal command over any one that was not an officer. For the first time in Falexia’s career in the Navy, she had finally achieved a small slice of power.

The elevator doors opened. Captain Mitus Raz stood inside. Falexia felt her heart race at the sight of the Captain. Her jaw still hurt from when he interviewed her. She stepped inside and smiled politely.

“Good shift, Sir,” she said.

Captain Raz didn’t appear to acknowledge her. Falexia was relieved. She took the opportunity to observe him at her leisure. Last time they met, she had been too busy choking down his cock to look at him.

The Captain’s skin was dark ebony. He shaved his head and his lips were locked into a perpetual self satisfied smirk. The black collar almost blended in with the darkness of his skin except for the red skull that designated him as Captain. The red jacket of his uniform couldn’t hide the thick muscles of his powerful arms. The sharp knife hanging on his belt was decorated with gems befitting a Captain.

Falexia trembled. She remembered his hands pulling her hair as he forced her onto his cock. This was the most powerful man on the ship and her career and life could be snuffed out by him on a whim. She was afraid of him but her cunt was also terribly attracted to him. Was this normal for an officer?

The elevator traveled upwards to the bridge. Falexia closed her eyes and tried to slow her heartbeat. She also tried to stop the wetness between her thighs. She needed to focus on her job.

She gasped as strong fingers gripped her throat. Her eyes opened to see Captain Raz standing before her. There was fury in his eyes.

“Ensign Pom, you reek of fear,” the Captain Raz said.

“Sorry, Sir,” Falexia whispered. The grip was unrelenting on her throat.

“You are an officer of Queen Erishella’s Royal Navy,” Captain Raz said. “More importantly, you are the communications officer of my ship and you will be representing me. I can not be represented by a coward too afraid to keep her eyes open.”

“Yes, Sir, sorry Captain!” Falexia croaked. The fingers weren’t relaxing at all.

Captain Raz looked down on her. “It’s not just fear I smell on you, is it Ensign?”

“What do you mean, Captain?” Falexia said. How could he tell? Was she really that wet?

Captain Raz placed his other hand on her chest. He gripped her breast harder than the fist around her throat. The leather provided no protection as his fingers dug into her. She moaned as he crushed her breast. There was no point in denying it now. She was wet.

“A little bit of desire is not a bad thing,” Captain Raz said. “It keeps a crew sharp. It helps maintain morale.”

“Yes,” Falexia moaned.

The grip around her throat tightened painfully. Stars exploded in front of Falexia’s eyes.

“Yes, Captain!” Falexia corrected.

The terrible grip relaxed slightly. Falexia could breathe again.

“That’s better,” Captain Raz said. His other hand released her breast. It drifted down to her skirt and Falexia felt a new panic rise within her.

“Control your fear,” Captain Raz growled. His hand went under her skirt. Nimble fingers pulled away her regulation thong and pushed into her sex.

“Oh fuck!” Falexia groaned.

“Fuck indeed, Lieutenant,” the Captain said. “You are soaked. Is it your new promotion that has turned you on? Are you flush with power? How many of the enlisted have you ordered to have sex with you since your promotion?”

“Four, Captain.” Falexia confessed.

Captain Raz’s fingers pushed deeper. He had three fingers in her and he wasn’t being gentle. She took him. Her hips rolled with his fingers as he thrust.

“Four,” Captain Raz said. “Not a bad start, Lieutenant. And how many crewmembers have you punished for revenge?”

“Seven,” Falexia moaned. His fingers were so deep in her. He was fucking her where she stood.

“Excellent, vengeance is an important part of being an officer,” Captain Raz said.

The elevator stopped. Falexia expected the Captain to let her go but he kept both hands on her. She was impaled on his fingers and collared by his hand. There was no escape for her.

A crewman stepped in. He hesitated when he saw the Captain, but when he saw what the Captain was doing to Falexia, he stepped right in. Falexia didn’t know the crewman, but it didn’t lessen her humiliation. The lowly crewman was openly leering at where Captain Raz was fingering her.

She closed her eyes with embarrassment. They popped open again as Captain Raz choked her. Only when her eyes were wide open did he relax his grip.

His other fingers never ceased fucking her.

“Keep those eyes open, Lieutenant,” he commanded. “You are a bridge officer now. Be proud. Even when a lowly crewman is gawking at you, keep your head up high and keep those damn eyes open.”

“Yes, Captain,” Falexia moaned.

“Look him in the eye,” Captain Raz ordered.

Falexia obeyed. She looked right at the crewman. He was older than her, probably been in Navy service for at least twenty cycles. She saw the bulge in his jumpsuit and knew that he desired her. He looked her back, his expression being one of arrogance and mocking.

Falexia whimpered as Captain Raz finger fucked her faster. He pushed her legs apart to expose more of her. In the small confines of the elevator, the sounds of her cunt being fucked was inescapable. She could smell herself now, which meant that the crewman could smell her as well.

What if they reached the Bridge? Falexia wasn’t sure if the Captain would let her go. She suspected that he might keep her just like this till he was done with her, no matter how many officers saw her.

The thought made her tremble some more. It also made her cunt ache.

“What is your name, crewman?” Captain Raz asked.

“Qindoc Guk, Captain!” the crewman snapped.

“Qindoc, if I decided to demote Ensign Pom here and give her to you as punishment, could you handle that duty?”

“What?” Falexia said. His fingers tightened painfully around her throat. She gasped for air and his fingers relaxed only slightly.

“Yes, sir!” Qindoc replied.

“And what would you do to her?” Captain Raz asked.

“I would whip her to an inch of her life,” Qindoc said. “I have a few belts that would take the skin right off her, sir!”

“But would you fuck her, crewman?” Captain Raz asked.

“By the Queen I would fuck her,” Qindoc said. “I would fuck those big breasts and I would fuck her mouth. I would save her ass for last and I wouldn’t stop until her tight ass was full of my seed.”

“Excellent, crewman,” Captain Raz said. “I can tell that you have officer material in you.”

Captain Raz pushed his fingers further up Falexia’s cunt. Despite the horror of Qindoc’s eagerness to abuse her, her cunt was clenching and wet.

“Now listen, Ensign,” Captain Raz said. “Qindoc here is enjoying your troubles. He’s looking at your cunt, he’s listening to your cunt and he can smell your cunt. Right now he is enjoying himself immensely at your expense, isn’t that right, Qindoc?”

“Yes, Captain!” Qindoc snapped. The crewman licked his lips as her imagined the joys he could inflict on her.

Captain Raz stroked her a little slower, perhaps so she could pay better attention.

“Remember his face, Ensign,” Captain Raz said. “Remember his name. Recall that you are now an Officer and this scum dared to enjoy your misery.”

Qindoc’s mocking smile melted into an uncertain frown.

Falexia moaned and now it was from a sense of power.

Falexia threw her head back to break the translation cycle. Captain Raz took it as an invitation to stroke faster. She had no problem with that.

“That’s right, Ensign,” Captain Raz said. “Later you can fuck his face for your amusement. Or maybe you will just have him hurt. It is in your power. But you only have that power if you continue to represent me in the manner befitting the Violatrix. Are we clear on that?”

They were fast approaching the bridge. Falexia mastered the terror rising within her and looked at the Captain with as much confidence as she could muster.

“Yes, Captain,” Falexia said.

“Very good,” Captain Raz said. He pulled his fingers out of her cunt. She bit back the whimper that came to her lips. She was so close and now he was done. It might have been worth being exposed on the bridge just to have gotten off.

He also released her throat. Falexia swallowed her first gulp of real air in what seemed like ages. Her throat ached but she resisted the urge to touch her neck for bruises.

Crewmen Qindoc had his back to her. Obviously he was desperately hoping that she will forget him. Falexia smiled. She would have to track him down later and come up with a suitable punishment.

She did really wish that she had at least climaxed.

“Now, Ensign,” Captain Raz said. “Clean my fingers.”

He presented his fingers to her. They glistened with her desire. The Captain looked at her with an impatient expression.

Falexia opened her lips and accepted his fingers to her mouth. The Royal Navy had long ago taught Falexia that when in doubt, use your mouth. She sucked and licked his fingers. Because he was the Captain, she took her time and used her tongue meticulously on his fingers. It would not do to rush this job, no matter how close they were the bridge.

The doors opened. Qindoc hurried out the door. Falexia looked to Captain Raz but his expression did not change. For all his advice, he was willing to let her invite more punishment.

Falexia kept licking. She could still taste herself on him. There were a lot of her juices to clean.

Some on the bridge were glancing her way. Falexia wanted to close her eyes but she remembered the Captain’s words. She kept them open. She faced the other officers and endured their smirks.

That was okay. She would do her Captain proud. Maybe next time he would let her climax.

“There you go, Captain,” she said when she was finished.

“Take your post, Ensign,” Captain Raz said.

She stepped out onto the bridge with her head high and her eyes open.

To be continued in Violatrix.

To read more, buy the pdf at Kindle or buy the paperback at Lulu.

Violatrix is Here

Hot damn, my science fiction book, Violatrix, is finally available for purchase. Holy shit, this one took forever. Two years ago I starting thinking about how cute it would be to write about a starship where the crew was more Ming the Merciless than Star Trek and after a long perilous journey, the book is finally here. Hell, before I went into surgery to get my giant nad removed, my last request to my wife was that if I died, to make sure that Violatrix book got published.

So what is it about? The Violatrix is a warship that seeks out new planets and new lifeforms to enslave for the wicked Queen Erishella. Captain Mitus Raz does his best to keep his crew in top fighting shape while also fucking them on the side. It is a crew where officers fuck those of lower rank and fuck over those of higher rank. They encounter a planet where the population appears to be submissive pain sluts who were waiting for the Great Ones to come back and enslave them. It seems too good to be true and yeah, it kind of is.

"Hey Shon, this sounds a lot like the Mirror Universe in Star Trek!" you may say. You're right. I was greatly inspired by the Enterprise episodes that took place entirely in the evil universe. It occurred to me that I rather watch bad people who got laid than watch good people who flirt. Since I already had the Queen Erishella universe I figured that I would use her as a guiding point. Let's face it, most of the best lines from the Flash Gordon movies comes from the bad guys. Bad guys are cool.

For the low price of 9.99$ you can buy the paperback version with the cool George Sportelli cover at Lulu. Buy the Lulu Version Here

For the lower price of 2.99 you can get the Kindle version from Amazon. Buy The Kindle Version Here