A Few of My Favorite Things Part Two

End of the year is always a great time for sex bloggers to pretend that they are pop culture bloggers and make a list. Or it is a great time to just gab about things that they love.

Ryan Kickland is a talented songwriter and composer with a terrific range but his 2010 album "Wood Carvings" is an awesome bit of folk perfection. Although there are songs about criminals unjustly imprisoned and the revenge they plan on the warden, there are also songs about a woodcarver who would love to carve some bizarre grotesque shit but all the people will buy from him is boring boring ass carvings of animals. It is the kind of album I suspect that will resonate more with creative types than anyone else, but it also contains universal gems like "Homesick" that will make a grown man weep for his mom's Sunday dinner.



"Drood" by Dan Simmons is a book about Charles Dickens' best friend, Wilkie Collins, who comes to suspect that Charles Dickens might be a criminal mastermind who murders people for kicks. The genius of the book is that halfway through, you are wondering if Charles Dickens really is a murdering bastard who kills people for fun and mischief.

It is a 700 page monster of a book but thanks to the wonder of Dan Simmons' skill, the pace is blistering. I put off reading this book for awhile because I feared that anything that happened during Charles Dickens' lifetime was going to be a slow ponderous affair. I couldn't have been more wrong. It is a joy to watch a master writer pump so much historical and literary information out and yet still construct a gripping and entertaining story.

"Justified" is a series on FX about a marshal, Raylan, who killed a criminal in Florida in a perfectly legal if slightly trigger happy way and is sent back to his home state of Kentucky as punishment/protection. Raylan might be the greatest gunslinger of the modern world. The problem is that even though his kills are always justified and legal, they make for a shitload of headaches and paperwork.

What makes this series perfect is it goes elbow deep into the white trash criminal underworld of Kentucky. As a North Carolina boy, I never understood why people like "the Sopranos" but man, when I watch "Justified" it is like seeing all the people I knew from home fucking up exactly like I expected them to. I get these people. The only way to make good money is either dangerous back breaking work in the mines, or dangerous but thrilling work for criminals.

Raylan himself is a force of fucking nature. When we watch westerns and tv shows, we suspend belief to allow the hero to do cool action hero things. What makes "Justified" so awesome is that Raylan is a fictional western hero in the real world. People keep fucking with him and he keeps shooting them dead. His boss admires him and hates him at the same time. There is no shortage of scumbags for the meat grinder that is Raylan.

Shrimp Scampi - Take half a stick of butter and a splash of olive oil. Heat up in a pan and add half a pound of shrimp. Cook shrimp for a few minutes and then remove shrimp. Put shrimp in the toaster oven at the lowest heat. Really you just need to keep them warm.

Add another half a stick of butter to your pan along with half a cup of chicken broth and 1/4 cup of white wine. Bring to a boil. Re-add the shrimp again. Add enough crushed garlic to kill a vampire, lemon juice, salt and capers. Cook for another minute or so. Add to pasta. Soak in adoration of spouse.

A Few of My Favorite Things Part One

Christmas vacation is two weeks long here in the Richards household. I haven't been blogging much because all it would be about is how my wife and I played various boardgames. We also ate some really good Japanese food but again, not terribly exciting.

Because it is the end of the year I do want to take some time out and list some of my favorite things like a perverse Maria Von Trapp. These are things that I may or may not have mentioned and I think you would really enjoy them.

Lykke Li is a Swedish songwriter and singer. Just twenty-five years old, her music has that odd combination of youthful optimism and terribly accurate pessimism of what her future contains. Songs range from haunting sexy to haunting morose. Mostly just haunting. She has two albums, "Wounded Rhymes" and "Youth Novels" and I adore both of them.



Pym is a book by Mat Johnson about race, hilarity and Edgar Allen Poe's rather cryptic novel, “The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket.” Wait! Don't run away because unlike Poe, this book is easily read by modern audiences and is ten times better. It is also really fucking funny in the way that only discussions about racism can be. I love this book so much I am afraid to discuss it for fear of spoiling anyting or giving away the best jokes. It is my favorite book of the year.

I play a lot of videogames. It is really hard to pick a favorite this year but judging by total time played, I have sunk over a hundred hours into Dungeons of Dredmor, so I guess it is my favorite. Dungeons of Dredmor is a simple game where you control a male or female adventurer, trying to get to the bottom of a dungeon and kill the lich Dredmor. Along the way you will discover traffic cones to wear as helmets, a dozen types of cheese to eat, monsters that look like they were designed by Monty Python and that general feeling of silliness that you get from the best Dungeons and Dragons games, back before you started taking it too seriously.

The game will also fucking murder you. Oh my gods, will it slay you. It is turn based, so you have all the time in the world to make your decisions, which is why it is ten times more painful when a bad decision gets you killed. At least the humor inherent in the violence will keep you smiling.

The Black Keys rock. I should say more but really, when your band consists of one guitarist vocal and a drummer, it is hard to say nice things without sounding like a teenage boy. Wait, I will channel sixteen year old Shon to write this next bit-

"Oh my god you guys! This band rocks! They sing about bad girlfriends and being in love and it sounds all manly and shit without getting depressing like that pussy, Phil Collins! You totally got to listen to them! A lot of their songs are about women who are bad for them, like when I had a crush on Adrian in English class even though she was a total bitch to me in homeroom. They feel my pain!"

Also, their videos are pretty hilarious.

Fiction: Tree Panties

Heidi left her panties on the Christmas tree. I didn’t see them at first. Tucked right underneath the garland, it looked like part of the tree. It was red with white fur trim, the sort of novelty underwear that they sell at Christmas but always looks too trashy to be taken seriously. Which meant it was perfect for Heidi.

The damp spot reflected the flashing Christmas lights. She had soaked her panties on the drive over. She didn’t have time to take them off before I ate her cunt. The cheap material made my tongue feel weird but it was worth it for all the squirming she did.

I remember that she pulled her panties to the side when I fucked her. Heidi was like that. Too horny to even undress, she liked to fuck as soon as possible. She asked me if I liked my gift as I fucked her under the tree. I answered by coming.

Heidi was gone when I came back from the bathroom. That was also like her. She never said goodbye, she just left. The panties on the tree were a nice touch. I guess it really was my gift.

I am just glad I saw it before the wife came home.

Fiction: The Twelve Days of Orgasm Denial

On the first day of her orgasm denial, Emily was told to strip for Walter while he jacked off. She enjoyed playing with her stockings and she loved teasing him with her slow reveal of her heavy breasts but her enjoyment soon turned to frustration when he refused to fuck her.

Emily moaned as he came upon her tits. She was allowed to lick the seed off but the cock was off limits. There would be no cock for her hungry cunt.

On the second day of her orgasm denial, Emily’s ass was spanked with a paddle still in its wrapping paper. The sting of the paddle was not blunted by the thin paper that sheathed it. Walter turned her ass as red as a magic reindeer’s nose.

No matter how wet her cunt made his lap, he refused to even let have a single finger inside her.

On the third day of her orgasm denial, Emily bit her gag as Walter played with her tits. He bit and sucked her sensitive nipples before bringing out the clothespins, the floggers and the terrible clamps. He brought her breasts to life with arousing pain and delicious agony. When he was finished, she was desperately trying to hump his leg.

He ignored her pleas for his cock as he stroked himself off. She watched in frustration as his white seed splashed her tender breasts.

On the fourth day of her orgasm denial, Emily served as Walter’s pillow. She was naked on her stomach as Walter rested his head on her ass. He leaned between her legs and read while she silently prayed for sex.

Walter slept on her bare breasts that night.

On the fifth day of her orgasm denial, Emily listened to all the naughty fucking that Walter planned to do with her. He was going to fuck her mouth. He was going to fuck her ass. He was going to fuck her cunt. He was going to fuck her on the couch, on the table, on the floor and on the damn porch. Walter was very descriptive and he kept her thinking about sex all day long.

Emily squeezed her thighs tightly together but the yearning never went away.

On the sixth day of her orgasm denial, Emily suffered through a wonderful massage. Walter covered her body in warm oil and touched every inch f her skin except her cunt. He rubbed her willing thighs, her arching back and her sensitive nipples.

No matter how hard he massaged her, Emily just couldn’t relax.

On the seventh day of her orgasm denial, Emily was taken to a swinger’s party. They had never been to one before and Emily was amazed at the variety of body types and sexual acts. She couldn’t participate because she was tied to a wall and unable to touch herself. Emily could watch though. She watched for hours as people masturbated, gave blowjobs, went down on strange women and fucked.

It was the longest four hours of her life.

On the eight day of her orgasm denial, Emily was masturbated with a candy cane. She was tied tightly down to the table but still she fought like a slut to touch herself. The cane was too thin, too small and too slow to give her the climax she craved but she was so damn close. Walter teased and pushed the cane inside her with cruel teasing that she had never imagined.

Afterwards, she was allowed to eat the cane and taste her desire.

On the ninth day of her orgasm denial, Emily begged. It was her one chance to cheat the promised torment. She got on her knees before Walter and promised him everything and anything. From deep within, she confessed secrets and offered to do unthinkable acts if it would convince him to fuck her.

He denied her requests.

On the tenth day of her orgasm denial, Emily sucked Walter’s cock. He fucked her mouth with the passion that he denied her cunt. He came in her mouth and she swallowed it all. Later, he came a second time on her face. When the first drops of seed splattered against her face, she never felt so close to orgasm as she did then.

She dreamed of an endless row of cocks for her mouth.

On the eleventh day of her orgasm denial, Emily was tied up for most of the day. She was hogtied. She was suspended from the ceiling. She was bound to the table. She was bound under the desk. All day she was held in rope and her hands were inches away from her hungry cunt.

That night she slept with her hands bound to the headboard.

On the twelfth day of her orgasm denial, Emily was fucked in the ass. She had never climaxed from ass fucking but that day she was sure that she would. When Walter’s cock opened her ass, she felt like she was truly filled for the first time in her life. As he thrust inside her, Emily could feel her orgasm threatening to explode at any moment.

She still hadn’t climaxed when he spilled his seed in her ass.

After the twelfth day of her orgasm denial, Emily was vibrating with need. She cried tears when Walter’s cock finally pushed into her cunt. She hung onto him like a dying woman, dying to be reborn in the fires of her orgasm.

The orgasm eluded her. After so long of dreaming about it, craving it, wanting it and almost feeling it, now she found it impossible to reach. She was too sensitive. Every thrust inside her was overwhelming. Every clench of her cunt was too intense. Emily feared that it would never happen.

Emily climaxed and felt herself changed forever.

Fiction: The Santa Who Tried to Fuck Christmas

Olivia Pusse’ groaned as they pulled into the mall parking lot. Cars stretched into the horizon. There must be hundreds of people here, if not a thousand. The place was going to be packed tighter than Olivia’s ass when Isaac was inside her last night.

“Now there is going to be kids here, so no guns,” Isaac Cox said.

“Right,” Olivia said. She looked at her partner. At six and half feet tall of black muscle and a gorgeous body, Isaac didn’t need a gun to fuck someone over. Just one swing of his fist was usually enough to break a jaw or an arm.

He looked at her and flashed a smile that made her wet between the thighs. It was the kind of smile that made Olivia feel like the prettiest girl in the whole world. Fuck, it only took him one smile to melt her heart.

She really wished that she knew what the fuck she was getting him for Christmas. It was their first Christmas together and she just knew that his wonderful ass had bought her something special. Olivia usually just got her boyfriends blowjobs for Christmas but that didn’t seem enough this year. Olivia just wished that she could come up with something half as special as she felt for him.

“I’ll try to blend in with the crowd,” Isaac said. Her bounty hunter boyfriend was as focused as a laser for this job.

“I’ll slip in with the Santa attraction and try to confirm that he’s our target,” Olivia said.

Isaac looked at her outfit. “Are you carrying any weapons?”

“Does it look like I am can hide any weapons?” Olivia said. The red Santa coat she was wearing didn’t even come down to her midriff and it had a cleavage that was far more naughty than nice. The red skirt she wore barely covered her ass but the white stockings prevented any unexpected chimney entries. The leather boots she wore were thigh high but they did have little jingle bells on them. Her long blonde hair spilled out from under a Santa hat.

“From what Dr. Von Madd said, this robot can easily kill a man with its bare hands,” Isaac said.

“Right, and I used to be a cheerleader,” Olivia said, “and before that, a teenage girl detective. I have broken more hands than a crazy robot ever has. I’ll be fine.”

Isaac smiled again. “Baby, you are always more than fine.”

From anyone else, it would have sounded like a cheesy line. The reason Olivia felt her thighs clench was because when Isaac said it, he genuinely meant it.

She really needed to find him something awesome for a Christmas gift.

“Let’s move out,” Isaac said.

They entered the mall at different entrances. Olivia saw the stunned looks of shoppers as she walked by. Yeah, she knew that she had dressed too sexy to work in a mall but she also knew that a sexy woman could cut through a crowd faster than anybody. Guys pushed wives out of the way to let her through. Small children looked in awe at her busty blonde body and wondered at the strange feelings in their pants.

It gave her a clear view of what everyone was selling. She walked at a brisk pace but she was still looking for anything to buy Isaac. Ever since they had gotten together, they had been working jobs tracking down bad people for Dr. Von Madd. They rarely had recreation time and when they did, they spent all of that time fucking. Sure, they are and watched a few movies, but mostly that was to rest between fuckings.

Mp3 players seemed pointless. Fancy electronic book reading machines were silly when the only books they read now were dirty books to each other. Isaac had his two favorite chrome pistols so buying him another gun wouldn’t be special. Shit, there just wasn’t anything that she knew that he wanted.

Olivia was seriously considering calling one of her sorority sisters from college and seeing if she could work out a Christmas threesome. The only problem with that is that Isaac hadn’t even glanced at another woman since they had been together. An extra woman might just be work to him.

It was times like these that she wished her boyfriend was a little less awesome. It would certainly take the pressure off her.

It took her no time to reach Santa’s Village. Santa’s seat was empty. Beside the chair stood two very bored looking male staff dressed as elves. A long line of children and their parents had already formed. The poor bastards.

Only Olivia and Isaac knew that the insane inventor, Dr. Gedo, had created a sex robot to take Santa’s place this year. The sick inventor had a thing for children but due to a very fortunate electrical accident, he didn’t have any working equipment below the belt. The perverted fuck created a pedophile sex robot to enjoy the twisted fantasies that Dr. Gedo himself could not enjoy. By disguising the vile robot as Santa, he guaranteed that his victims would come to him.

The bad Dr. Gedo was rotting in a jail cell but his creation was missing. Olivia and Isaac could only hope to stop the bad Santa before Santa’s Village opened for business.

“Hey guys!” Olivia said to the two mall elves. “I’m new here!”

“Holy mistletoe!” one guy said. The other guy was too busy staring at the tanned slope of Olivia’s breasts.

“Is Santa here, yet?” she asked. She pounded her fist into her hand as she asked the question.

“Uh, yeah,” the speaking guy said. Staring guy said nothing. “He should be coming out right about now.”

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa boomed. He stepped out from behind a Christmas tree. He was a bit taller than Isaac, which concerned Olivia a bit. When he moved, his thick bulk didn’t jiggle with fat or stuffing. He was rock solid.

“Which one of you boys and girls want to ride Santa’s lap first?” Santa said. “I got a candy cane for you if you can find it! Ho, ho ho-erk!”

Santa’s lewd comment was interrupted by Olivia’s leather boot colliding with his face. His bright red nose crumpled and exploded in a shower of sparks.

“SHE NINJA KICKED SANTA!” a horrified child screamed.

“Power down, Santa!” Olivia yelled. “Dr. Gedo is back in prison!”

“Swallow this!” Santa replied. He opened his mouth and a thick spray of white and pink liquid flew from his mouth.

Olivia dodged it with an easy somersault over a fake bag of toys. The two mall elves behind her were not so lucky. The spray hit them in their face and they screamed in pain. They clutched their eyes and rolled on the ground. The smell of peppermint hung in the air.

“Was that a peppermint pepper spray?” Olivia asked. That Dr. Gedo was an evil bastard.

“Someone’s been naughty!” Santa yelled. He yanked off his black belt and cracked it like a whip in the air. Sharp blades emerged from the end of the belt. Some of the more violent kids applauded this new development.

Santa whipped his belt at Olivia and cleaved the top of a Christmas tree beside her. As Olivia dodged to the right, his belt snapped out and tore off the top of a plastic Christmas tree. Olivia was fine but her sudden movement was too much for her sexy top. Her right breast almost fell out and she clutched it with her hand to protect the innocence of the children.

“Tits!” a kid yelled. He was soon smacked by his mom.

“Where the fuck is Isaac?” Olivia wondered. She looked into the crowd but all she saw were smiling kids and their staring parents. Shit, even Isaac would have a hard time fighting through that crowd.

Fine, she’ll handle this on her own.

She made a run for Santa. The laughing robot held out his arms and extended robots fingers an extra seven inches. Olivia tried not to think about why a sex robot needed extra long fingers and focused on the fake reindeer in front of her. She jumped on the reindeer with a perfect cheerleader leap and sailed through the air feet first.

Olivia kicked Santa in the head so hard that his face spun around one hundred and eighty degrees. Several children screamed at the grotesque act of near decapitation. Olivia landed on the ground beside Santa and paused a moment to see which way he would fall.

The children began to applaud and Olivia knew something bad had happened. She dodged just in time as backwards facing Santa made a grab for her head. He grabbed her hat instead and he stuffed it into his mouth. In seconds, he had shredded the hat with chainsaw teeth.

“Not as nice as your panties would be, but it better than cookies!” Santa said. His head turned around and snapped back into the right place.

“Well fuck,” Olivia said.

Santa took a step towards her when a reindeer crashed into him from behind. As Santa staggered, a tree slammed into him followed by a sleigh. Olivia smiled when she saw Isaac picking up a giant nutcracker soldier to throw at Santa next.

Olivia realized that she really needed to get her boyfriend a great Christmas gift.

“That black man is hurting Santa!” a kid cried.

The more racist kids charged away from their parents and ran right into Isaac. The giant black man had no idea how to disengage small children from his legs. Olivia knew that if those were horny adult women, his stripper training would kick in and he would have no trouble. To an adult entertainer like Isaac, children were an entirely foreign experience.

“Good children!” Santa yelled. “I am going to give each of you a treat for being a good! Right up your asses!”

A shocked gasp rippled through the crowd of parents. They kept watching though.

Santa opened his pants and a large steel contraption emerged from his crotch. It looked like some sort of gun. It might be some kind of sex toy.

“Shit,” Olivia said. “It is probably both.”

And it was aimed at her boyfriend.

“Hell no!” Olivia yelled. She planted a kick right into Santa’s knee. The sound of tortured metal squealed as Santa’s leg gave out.

As Santa stumbled, Olivia jumped and locked her thighs around Santa’s head. She was careful to avoid his mouth as she fell back with her body weight. Olivia hit the fake snow hard but Santa fell with her and they were both on the ground.

Olivia squeezed. The kids and parents looked on as she squeezed her thighs around Santa’s head. She didn’t care. The dumb fuckers should be moving since Santa’s metal extension was now pointing at them.

“Drink my eggnog!” Santa cried as his head began to collapse.

Olivia squeezed tighter. She tried to imagine that Isaac was between her thighs licking her cunt and he was thinking of stopping.

Sparks flew from Santa’s head. “Who’s your Father Christmas?”

Olivia clenched her thighs even tighter. She had one chance to kill this Santa and it would be up to the power of her thighs.

Santa’s legs twitched as major malfunctions rippled through his body. “I will make you ride my North Pole!”

Olivia squeezed.

Santa’s head crumpled under the tremendous stress. His body stopped moving and his strange metal cock retracted back into his body. The evil robot was dead.

“Olivia, are you okay!” Isaac said. He stood over her and held out his hand. He still had a racist kid clinging to one of his legs.

Olivia took his hand and let him help her up. She then grabbed the ear of the racist kid and twisted until he let go. The racist kid went crying to his mom.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Olivia said. “Turns out that a pedophile robot Santa can’t handle an adult woman’ thighs.”

“Shit, I can barely handle them,” Isaac said. He took of his black duster and wrapped it around Olivia’s body. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. Mall Security will be here any minute now that it is safe.”

They hurried towards an exit. Psychologically traumatized children lingered near Santa and tried to steal bits off of him. Mall Security guards ran past Olivia and Isaac in a valiant attempt to appear useful.

“Isaac?” Olivia said. “What the fuck do you want for Christmas? I know you got me something awesome because you are a sweet guy but damn it, I just can’t think of anything to get you.”

Isaac stopped walking and he looked at her. “Olivia, all I want for Christmas is to wake up next to you. You are the greatest gift I have in my life and honestly, that is all I could ever want much less needed.”

Olivia reached up and pulled his bald head down to her for a kiss. When they both ran out of air, she hugged him in the busy mall.

“Although I have to say,” Isaac added. “If you were wearing this outfit when I woke up, that would be pretty nice too.”

Olivia hugged him tighter. “Okay, but I won’t be wearing it for long.”

Buck Pole Announcement

Eros University would like to remind our students that the dorms will be closed for the holidays beginning December 19th. We understand that many of our students will wish to continue their erotic education over the holidays and have no interest in returning home where they might have to explain to their grandmothers what Gangbang Physics 101 is. To accommodate these students, we will once again be opening up the Buck Pole in Student Plaza.

The Buck Pole is a tradition that has existed for 40 years to help place students with homes who can provide an erotic education over the holiday period. The Buck Pole was originally a place for the local town people to hang their deer hunting trophies but now it has been repurposed as a place for students to show off themselves in hopes of finding an interesting alternative for the holidays. These men, women, couples and sometimes sex clubs, open up their homes and legs to welcome our students. In exchange for lodging, meals and a comfortable environment, the students share what they have earned with their generous hosts.

To participate, all a student needs to do is appear at the Buck Pole at noon, buck naked. If they have preferences or limitations, they should write these on their body. For example, students will write that they are heterosexual, prefer bondage or are lactose intolerant. Some students have found homes by listing what classes they are taking. Majoring in Oral Pleasure is a sure way to get into the home of a lonely widow during the holiday. Although no clothing is allowed, feel free to get creative and festive with your writing and use colored markers or stencil some snowflakes onto yourself.

Students are free of course to turn down any proposals from interested town people but keep in mind that the town people are the ones doing the inviting. You are representing Eros University and any poor behavior will be reported and recorded in your permanent record.

Dean of Student Affairs
Paul Grayon

Fiction: Christmas Bonus

I looked at the festive green envelope with disdain. There it was, sitting on my desk as a cruel reminder of how much my boss, Sandra, disrespects me and my fellow coworkers. Inside will be the annual Christmas card from my manager and also there will be a tiny gift card for a measly twenty-five bucks to some place I would never go to. Last year it was to a bath store in the mall and the year before that, a pet store. What the fuck? Are they subtle insults or just complete indifference?

The envelope said Jeff Grenich so I know it was for me even though there are two n’s in my name. I have worked here four years and she still spells my name wrong.

I sit and open it. I am morbidly curious to see what hellhole the gift card is for this year.

There was a note.

“Hey Rodney, please use this gift card at 9am this morning. I am free until lunch.

Yours,
Sandra”

Rodney? Rodney Celler in sales? I looked for the gift card. It was hand written on a small index card.

“This card is good for one long sloppy blowjob until you explode down my throat in a flood of cum. Redeem this card in Sandra Miller’s waiting mouth.”

Well now. That was unexpected and obviously not meant for me.

I looked at the time. 8:42. Close enough.

I adjusted the erection I had in my pants so it wouldn’t be visible when I stood up. I held the card in my hand as I walked past my unhappy coworkers opening their Christmas cards. The smile that came to my lips must have confused the hell out of them.

I let myself into Sandra’s office. She was on the phone and she looked at me with annoyance. The thick blonde hair that she wore in her very professional manner looked even more severe when she frowned. It occurred to me that I had no idea how it looked when she smiled.

I also noticed that her clothes were slightly different from usual. She was wearing a red blazer that showed a lot of cleavage. Gold earrings that were a little inappropriate for an office dangled from each ear. I suspected that if I looked behind that desk, she might actually be wearing a skirt and heels.

“Yes, I will get those numbers to you soon,” she said to the phone. “I have to go now and get ready for an appointment. Bye. And what do you want Jeff?”

“I wanted to thank you for my gift card.”

Her frown softened a millimeter. “You are very welcome. I hope you enjoy shopping at health store. They have excellent digestion supplements.”

“Oh? That is not what it says on my card?”

I showed the card to her. I made sure to keep it in my hand and I snatched it away when she reached for it. The frown deepened and then transformed into a snarl.

“How did you get that?” she asked.

“It was in an envelope addressed to me,” I said. “I was surprised but then, I have done really good work this year.”

Sandra snorted at that before realizing the position that she was in. She smiled in what I think was meant to be a pleasant manner. It was unsettling.

“Oh Jeff, I think there has been a mix up. Why don’t you hand that card over and we’ll pretend this never happened. Maybe I could look into getting a better parking spot in exchange for your understanding?”

“No, Sandra,” I said. My voice was much firmer than even I expected. “I want to redeem the card, and the instructions were quite clear on how to redeem it.”

Sandra stared at me. Color rose to her pale cheeks. Cold blue eyes narrowed at me and planned a thousand humiliations for me. I noticed her red lipstick for the first time and realized that it was for a cock.

“Or I could go give it to Human Resources along with my letter and ask them why my manager is sexually harassing me?”

Sandra closed her eyes. “Make sure the door is locked.”

The handle locked with a satisfying click. It was not as satisfying as the look on Sandra’s face when I walked around to her side of the desk. Nor was it as satisfying as the feeling of her fingers undoing my belt, then my zipper and then pulling my cock from my briefs.

Sandra looked at my cock. Maybe she was rethinking it. I helped her decide with my hand to the back of her head. My hands wrapped into that perfectly coifed hair and pulled her to my cock.

She opened her lipstick covered lips and took me in. She only took the tip of me at first, her lips wrapping around the head of my cock. Before I could think that she was shirking her duty, I felt her tongue licking at the slit. That sharp tongue that had rebuked me so many times was flicking at my tip like an oral professional.

I groaned. My plan was to be cool and distant but I couldn’t do it. God damn it, she was good.

Sandra’s fingers went to my balls and held them with a gentleness that I didn’t think she was capable of. A small tug of my balls and my cock slipped deeper into her mouth. This time she was the one that moaned.

My hand went to her chest. I slipped right under the blazer and felt her breast under the thin shirt she wore. I felt nipple and quite a bit of underwire.

Her eyes glared at me. I glared back and squeezed her breast.

She closed her eyes and took another inch of me into her mouth. Fuck. Her cheeks caved in as she sucked as hard as could. My fingers closed reflexively around her breast and I think we both moaned.

I squeezed her tit harder. My fingers repaid her for every time she dismissed one of my ideas. I twisted her nipple for every time she passed me over for a promotion. I pulled on her breast for every time she had stuck me with the shit work. I grabbed her tit because she didn’t want me to.

Sandra pulled my cock deeper into her mouth. I watched in lust as my cock disappeared between her lips. The grip on my balls grew tighter but I was too enthralled to mind.

When there was no more cock to devour, she pulled her head back ten times as fast as she took me in. I groaned as she remounted my cock with her mouth. The time for slowness was gone. I shuddered as her head snapped back and forth with an expertise that I could barely comprehend. I was watching it but I still couldn’t believe how fast and hard she was sucking my cock. I let go of her head just and Sandra just went faster.

Spit dribbled down to my balls and onto her hand. Her mouth was as wet as any pussy. Wetter. Back and forth she fucked my cock. I swear her lips made squishy sounds as she blew me.

Lipstick smeared my cock. Sandra’s hair bounced with every thrust of her head. Her fingers squeezed around my balls as if trying to command the sperm out of me.

I was going to come. I forgot about how bad of a boss she was. She was just a mouth that I desperately wanted to come in. Nothing else was important.

When I filled her mouth with seed, she stopped and took all of me into her mouth. Her fingers tight around my balls as she sucked, pulled and swallowed every last drop from my cock.

My knees grew weak and I leaned against her desk. Sandra looked up at me and smiled. She wiped a line of spit from her chin.

“The card,” she said.

I gave it to her. I wanted to say something cold and cruel but my mind was as empty as my cock. She took the card and slipped it into her blazer. She was saving it to use again later.

“Go, Jeff,” she said. “I still expect the Monthly report today.”

I nodded and zipped up my pants. Of course it was due today. There was no need to remind me of it, I had never been late with it before.

For once though, her reminder didn’t bother me as much as it usually did.

Fortune and Glory!

Fortune and Glory is a board game from Flying Frog where players take on the roles of 1930's explorers, scientists, reporters and club singers as they explore ancient temples, dangerous tombs and terrible traps in the search for fantastic mythical treasure.

It is also a board game that costs around 100$. Well, that's the 'fortune' part of the title right there.

On the other hand, every single dollar is visible in this game. Instead of the expected cardboard counters, there are quite a few plastic miniatures and plastic coins. The cards are made of some high quality glossy stuff that I suspect could survive several drinks spills. The box itself is about twice the length of most games. Hell, the game comes with a soundtrack(!) of quite good background music for playing the game.

I have to take a moment to mention the art style for this game. They use pulp style illustrations for some of the cards, but every character and quite a few other cards use color photos of people dressed in period clothes. Some people have criticized the photos as looking like cosplayers you would see at conventions but personally, I consider that to be a huge plus. They look like people having fun dressing up as mobsters and sexy reporters. Fun is infectious. It is impossible to look at the character photos and not want to go grab your own prop to dress up with.

Which brings us to the game itself. The game has several gameplay modes. I highly recommend trying the simplest mode first, which is competitive.

Do you remember the first Indiana Jones movie where Indy breaks into the temple and comes out with the treasure, only to lose it that asshole archeologist who was waiting for him? That is competitive mode in this game. Players race against each to grab treasure, doing their best to sabotage each other and claim artifacts for themselves.

The more complicated mode is cooperative mode where players work together against a common enemy. The enemy in this case is either the Nazis (hiss!) or the Mob (Boo!). Which is sort of like the third Indiana Jones movie where everyone is kicking Nazi ass and grabbing treasures before Hitler gets his slimy paws on it.

I like cooperative mode because it lets me and my wife play against the board and work together. There are not many fun games on the market that can do that. The only downside is that when it is the bad guys' turn, you have to go through a five step procedure to do their turn. I am sure that I will get the hang of it eventually but it was quite cumbersome the first time around. On the other hand, the villain turn requires random rolls to determine their actions, making it completely impartial which is perfect for a cooperative game.

My wife and I lost our first game this weekend but we had a lot of fun playing it. When you attempt to get a treasure, you have to complete challenges drawn from a deck. The challenge will say something like this.

"Your plane engine suddenly stops working! Someone has sabotaged you! Roll blah blah to fix the engine!"

Now if you do the roll, then you get Glory and everything is peachy. If you fail, then you flip the card over and must do the Cliffhanger. The Cliffhanger is a hard dice roll that you need to make or end up knocked out and sent back to your home city. The thing is, you aren't allowed to resolve the Cliffhanger UNTIL YOUR NEXT TURN. Which means in true cliffhanger spirit, you are left staring at the terrible fate awaiting you while everyone else does their turn. Delicious.

My Russian Mad Scientist character was in a plane crash, fell down a mountain and navigated a terrible ancient labyrinth in my quest for the Helmet of Atlantis while an evil Nazi vixen was chasing me and trying to get the Helmet for her diabolical Fuhrer. That was ONE adventure that I had in this game out of several. Pretty damn neat.

Essentially this game is always about pushing your luck. There is always a safer, slower way to do things but you are always racing against someone for that treasure. Going slow lets you heal and recover between challenges but when a Nazi goon is one step away from the treasure, sometimes you can't stand to stop and rest. It is certainly a game for thrill seekers and risk takers.

So is it worth 100$? It depends on the players. If you like working together, then you will like it. If you like screwing each other over, this game can accommodate you too. If you love pulp cliffhangers with lost temples and terrible villains, you are going to want this game. If you can handle the ups and downs of glorious fortune and cruel twists of fate, then you will love this game.

(On a completely different angle - after playing this game, I called my wife's breasts "Fortune and Glory" and she didn't mind a bit. That is a good game if you ask me.)