Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem Notes Part Two

When I was sitting down to write ‘Prisoner of the Wizard’s Harem’, I was tempted to go with an anonymous protagonist for the reader to play. This is standard in many choose your own adventure kind of stories. The problem is that many of these stories also pick a neutral gender. Since I am writing erotica, I had to pick a gender for the protagonist, or else I would have written twice the story to accommodate the other gender as a choice.

Once I picked a gender, I decided to go an extra step and actually give a name to the character. The reader plays Nash Nighthammer much like a gamer would play Lara Croft. When I embraced this idea, it became a hell of a lot easier to write.

It doesn’t hurt that I have written about Nash before. I picture him as a guy who desperately wishes he was in fantasy story written by Robert Jordan or R.A. Salvatore, but instead he is stuck being written by an erotica writer. He is the reluctant beefcake, a hero who will always have to fuck the witch rather than slay her. It is not his fault he is so damn handsome and yummy.

It is that sexual reluctance that I think makes the book work. As a reader, you want to make the right choices and see as much sex and entertainment as possible. If Nash was just as eager, he might become a bit unlikable as a sex fiend. By making him reluctant, it makes it the responsibility of the reader for whether he gets any or not.

I have read quite a few interactive fictions and I really believe that the best wat to go it to assign the reader a character and a role to play as opposed to trying to leave it as wide open as possible. By assigning a character, you can develop a voice that shows the character’s view of the choices. Instead of a dry analysis of the situation, you can present choices with the flavor of the genre.

Oh, shit. Water Elementals are terrible opponents. Only magic has a chance of defeating it. What shall you do? Take something from your pack by turning to 259. Try to get the element of surprise by attacking and turning to 318. Make a cowardly run for the edge of the pool by turning to 145. If you decide to go against the odds and try using your personal skills, talk to the Water Elemental by turning to 273.

Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem Notes

My main inspiration for ‘Prisoner of the Wizard’s Harem’ was not the Choose Your Own Adventures stories that most people are familiar with. As a teenager, I fell in love with the Fighting Fantasy series of books written mainly by Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson. I still collect and read Fighting Fantasy books because their quality can not be beaten.

In Choose Your Own Adventure, you often had 30 endings with a decent percentage of those endings being positive. In a Fighting Fantasy book, there is usually only one happy ending. All the other endings are death and failure. What this creates is a story that is very challenging and encourages replay until you succeed at the damn thing. When you do finally succeed, it is a very gratifying feeling of accomplishment.

For ‘Prisoner of the Wizard’s Harem’, I went with the same model of only one good ending. That does not mean there is only one right way to play through the book. I could have certainly done that but I resisted the idea. I wanted to increase the replay value of the book so that if you solve it once, you can come back to it and replay it without having to slavishly repeat what you did last time.

I also wanted to resist what would happen in some Fighting Fantasy books where you could literally be screwed from succeeding by taking one wrong turn. I call it the left/right dilemma. Go left, and you’ll run into the goblin who has a key you need. Go right and you run into a shark that you beat up. Later you come across a door and if you don’t have that key, you will die. I always thought these sucked because it came down to bad luck on the reader’s part.

What I did in my story was build multiple options into every path. Go left and you run into a goblin with the key. Go right, and you run into a shark that you can use its teeth to break the lock. You don’t get the key or the teeth for free, you still have to solve the puzzles/fights/mysteries around the goblin or the shark. The important thing is you always have a chance to solve the book no matter which direction you go. Solving the book is more about the decisions you make when interacting with characters than it is about blind luck.

Click on the button below to go directly to purchasing my book.

Book Now For Sale

"Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem' is now available for purchase at Lulu. You can buy the printed copy in all of its material glory for $19.99 or purchase the PDF version for $9.99.

The printed book is very lovely. George Sportelli did the cover and he knocked it out of the ball park. The paper is an excellent quality and I am very pleased with the binding. I was terrified that this book would look cheap but instead it looks very professional. At 236 pages, it has a nice hefty size to it.

As for the story, well I think it rocks. You are not going to find another Choose-Your-Own-Porn story with this much complexity out there. There are puzzles, monsters, sex and tons of jokes. It may be the funniest thing I have ever written. It also has some great sex if I do say so myself. At my last count there was over 40 different ways to die so when you actually fuck a mermaid, you should feel like you accomplished something.

As for how to actually buy my book, please refer to this handy Walkthrough.

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Step One - Go to this link. Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem

Step Two - Decide if you want a real book or a new-fangled download.

Step Three - Add to cart.

Step Four- If you do not have a LULU account, this is where they will make you get one. Simply fill out your email and password. Feel free to curse my name for making you keep track of yet another password.

Step Five - Fill out your shipping address.

Step Six - Give LULU your billing info.

Step Seven - Wait with excited glee as my book is printed and then shipped to you!

Needless to say, I don't plan on retiring on the profits of this book. I would however like to see this book reach everyone who might be interested in it so I am kindly asking that you help me plug it. If you can mention it on your blog, your Twitter, your Tumblr and maybe graffiti on random overpasses, I would be greatly appreciative. My own modesty sabotages me efforts with marketing so I really need your help with this one.

I plan to skip posting a new story this week and instead write some posts about the making of this book. After working on it for close to a year, I have some things to get off my chest.

Coming Soon

I got my book, 'Prisoner of the Wizard's Harem' in the mail yesterday. If you heard a piercing high pitched squeal of delight yesterday, that was me.

This a picture of it still in the box. I have to say it is one of the best packaged books I have received in a while. The box opened up like a chest full of literary treasure. I may be exaggerating a bit.

First of all, isn't that a gorgeous cover by George Sportelli? He really nailed it. I kept staring at it all last night. The thing is glossy.

The first thing I did was start flipping pages and checking out the headers. All of the choices are numbered and a page will have anywhere from one to three choices on it. My solution was to put a header on every page much like a dictionary page. On the left page, the header is on the upper left side and on the right page it is on the upper right side. The thing is, Word really hates letting you do a different header on every page. I had to do these manually and it took forever. It was all worth it when I flipped through and saw everything was where it was supposed to be.

Right now I need to read through the book and fix any typos. On Monday it goes on sale at LULU in both printed form and an electronic version. I will then start on making a print version of Cell Phone Slave and Thigh Vs. Thigh. Those should go a hell of a lot quicker as they don't involve any choice diagrams.

Fiction: The Island Princess and the Tiki God

Once upon a time there was a beautiful island. It was filled with wonder and splendor. The trees produced over fifty types of delicious fruits. The sand is so soft that people can have sex on it without any kind of chaffing. The waterfalls are so gentle that women used them to wash their hair. It was the greatest island ever.

Now some people said that the reason the island was so blessed is because of the tiki god, Coku. The great god had a statue on the island that was seven feet tall and carved from very hard wood. His impressive face was carved on the totem but the most impressive feature was the enormous cock that jutted from the statue. It was over a foot in length and was the envy of every man on the island.

The tiki statue was off limits to the people of the island. Men were allowed to present great heaps of fish to the statue and women were allows to present their best panties to the statue, but no one was allowed to touch the tiki god. No one remembered why this was, but the people of island knew there had to be a good reason.

For many years the island and their great tiki god flourished. That was until the Island Princess came of age. Now the island was well known for the beauty of its women but the Island Princess was so pretty that she made the island women look like one-coconut whores by comparison. Her hair was as black as a secret lover’s bedroom. Her hips danced with the slinky splendor of a sea eel. Her full breasts were as plentiful as a ripe fruit about to fall from a bending branch. The Island Princess was the loveliest woman ever born on the island and because of this, she always got what she wanted.

And what she wanted was to touch the tiki god and his magnificent cock. The Island Princess was of something of an expert in cocks. She had fucked the most handsome men of the Island and that was quite a trick considering her father would gladly castrate anyone who touched his daughter. The Island Princess had a collection of over twenty obscenely shaped seashells that she used for personal pleasure. Being a princess, she had also had the cocks of several pirates, explorers and enchanted princes. The Island Princess had a lot of experience but what she really wanted was to see how the holy cock of the tiki god would feel inside her.

“Daddy, may I please touch the tiki god?” she asked her father.

Her father’s face turned bright red with embarrassment. “Absolutely not! Why would you want to do such a thing?”

“You know,” the Island Princess said. “I’ve never touched a god before.”

The Island King signaled for his fan wavers to fan him harder. “I know what part you want to touch!” he accused his naughty daughter.

The Island Princess looked as innocent as she possibly could. “Please daddy? I just want to touch him a little.”

“”Never!” the Island King said. “Why I bet that if the tiki god, Coku, is ever touched in a manner that he finds disrespectful, that he would curse the island! The fruit will shrivel on the trees! Oyster Bay will stop producing pearls! The King’s balls will drop down to his ankles! You are absolutely, positively and completely forbidden from ever touching the tiki god!”

To make sure that his daughter understood, the Island King had this declaration passed into law. The council of wisemen gathered together to ratify the king’s law into custom. Voting was tense for a week until one of the wisemen changed his vote in exchange for some pork to aid his family. The pork was in the form of two pigs and they had quite a nice meal. Once the law was made into custom, the new custom was yelled from the highest peak so that the entire island knew of this rule.

The Island Princess had a terrible time dealing with rules.

The very next night, the Island Princess snuck out of the palace. She went to the beach where the tiki god stood. Under the jealous eye of the moon, the Island Princess walked right up to the tiki god and stared at it.

In the moonlight, the cock of Coku looked even bigger. The hard black wood was shiny in the moonlight. This close, the Island Princess thought she saw tiny veins carved into the wooden cock. The girth was quite impressive and the Island Princess just knew that it would feel perfect inside her.

The Island Princess bent down and planted a single kiss on the cock. As soon as she did, she stood back up and watched the island. No trees shriveled. The waves kept crashing on the beach. She had a feeling that her father’s balls hadn’t rolled off his bed.

“I knew that silly old custom wasn’t true!” the Island Princess said.

Now all she had to do was get that wonderful cock inside her. She thought about backing up into it but the cock was pointing up at an angle. The Island Princess climbed on top of the tiki god. She grabbed his hook nose for support and put her feet around the wide statue. Facing Coku, she lowered herself down onto the firm cock.

Her sex shivered as she felt the cold wood part her sex. The Island Princess kept lowering herself as she took more and more of the tiki cock inside her. She was so wet from thinking about this all day that the cock slipped quite easily into her. When the Island princess gets wet, an entire canoe would have no problem sliding in.

After a long glorious amount of time, the Island Princess was finally fully penetrated. She moaned as the dark wood reached places inside her that she had only dreamed of. Her entire body was tingling and the Island Princess was glad that she didn’t listen to any silly old custom.

“Who sits on my cock?” a loud voice boomed.

The Island Princess opened her eyes. The tiki statue was alive! The face glared down at her with indignant rage.

“Oh! It is a spoiled Island Princess!” the tiki god said. “I think I will keep you on my cock forever! Then the people of the island will know that I demand respect!”

The Island Princess felt the immense wooden cock inside her get even bigger! She moaned as it grew in size within her sex. Her thighs trembled as he pushed her to greater depths.

“How do you like that?” the tiki god boomed.

“A lot!” the Island Princess said.

“Foolish girl!” the tiki god said. “I am keeping you on my cock forever! Let’s see how you are when the entire island sees what a wanton slut you are!”

That got the Island Princess’s attention. She imagined how pissed her father would be if he found his daughter stuck on the tiki god’s cock. She thought about how insecure the handsome fishermen of the island will be after they know that they couldn’t measure up to what has been inside her. She thought about the old ladies of the Island who already snicker at her when she goes looking for obscene sea shells.

“I will not be embarrassed in front of commoners!” the Island Princess said. It was hard to throw a good tantrum when you are impaled on a cock.

“You’re not going anywhere!” the tiki god said. To prove his point, his cock got even bigger inside the Island Princess! She moaned with girlish delight.

“We’ll see about that,” the Island Princess said. She put her feet on the tiki god and pushed as hard as she could. The cock was so big inside her that she couldn’t move an inch. The only way she was going to slide off is if she could make that cock smaller.

The Island Princess knew one sure way to make a hard cock go back down.

The Island Princess gave the tiki god her wickedest smile. She grabbed her lovely mountains of breasts and gave them a good squeeze. Her hands crushed her breasts while the tiki god watched. She pulled on her dark nipples till they were as hard as the tiki god himself.

“What are you doing?” Coku boomed.

“If I am going to be stuck here, I might as well enjoy myself,” the Island Princess said.

She wrapped her legs around the tiki god and leaned back. The Island Princess groaned as swiveled her hips back and forth. Just because she was stuck on his cock didn’t mean she couldn’t move. She could still dance. Her hips moved back and forth as much as the massive cock would allow. Her torso rolled up and down, shaking her lovely breasts.

It felt so good inside her. The Island Princess dripped her royal juices down the wooden shaft. She clenched so hard on the tiki god’s cock that even Coku was groaning. The Island Princess shook her head from side to side as her passion overtook her. The moonlight rippled off the long black hair as it swirled around them.

“Harder!” she moaned. “Get harder!”

Coku groaned. He forgot how nice it was to have a Princess back on his cock. Back in the old times, Island Princesses used to dance on his cock all the time. They danced to celebrate the New Year, they danced to celebrate the first days of summer and sometimes they danced because it was a cold night. Over the years, the island people stopped riding his cock. Maybe it was the slow gradual emergence of a culture more reliant on scientific observation than mythological worship. Most likely it was because of the unfortunate incidents of splinters. Whatever the reason, Coku was one neglected tiki god and this squirming Island Princess reminded him of just what he has been missing.

The Island Princess saw that the first rays of sunlight creep over the horizon. Pretty soon, the fishermen would be waking up to catch the morning fish. If she didn’t escape soon, the Island Princess was going to be laughing stock of the island!

The threat of humiliation turned the Island Princess on. She thought about every fishermen watching her. She thought about how embarrassing it would be to be caught humping the tiki god. She thought about how jealous each of them would be.

“Yes!” the Island princess screamed. Her orgasm shook her entire body. She shouted her pleasure so loudly that even her father woke up from his royal slumber.

The Island Princess heard a loud growl coming from Coku. The tiki god was shaking like a volcano. She felt a pulsing coming from the wooden shaft. She bit her lip as she waited for the imminent release.

BOOM! The tiki god’s cock exploded with magical might. Because he is a tiki god and not a man, his cock burst a fountain of delicious tropical alcohol instead of messy man seed. The force of his tiki orgasm sent the Island princess flying off his cock. She soared high into the air and landed in a patch of soft bushes. She was very sticky but otherwise unharmed.

The orgasm didn’t end there. The magic of the tiki god flowed through the entire island. Fruit grew to ten times their normal size. Fish threw themselves out of the water and onto the beach to be picked up by stunned fishermen. Frigid spouses woke up with an intense urge to fuck like teenagers. Keys were found exactly where people remembered leaving them. It was truly a blessed time.

The most magical change was to the tiki god himself. His massive cock was just as big but now it was pointing downward. Coku also had the biggest smile on his carved face. No one understood what had happened to make the tiki god so happy but they were very grateful. Fish and fresh panties were laid at his feet in tribute.

As for the Island Princess, she snuck back to her room and pretended to be asleep. It took her all day to wash the tropical alcohol from her body. She was walking funny for a week but no one seemed to connect the Island Princess’s soreness with the new smile on the tiki god.

After a few weeks, the magical blessings of the tiki god faded. His cock began to point upwards and his smile turned into a frown. To bring back his favor, the people of the island presented the best fish, fruit, and panties to try to win back his glory.

The Island Princess knew it was her duty to bring back the smile of the tiki god. She owed it to her people. She also owed it to her very needy sex.

And that is why the tiki god smiles every few months. It is also why the Island Princess stopped collecting naughty sea shells.

Queen Erishella's 2nd Message To Earth

People of Earth, it is I, Queen Erishella of the Skull Throne located in the Euphorian system. I will speak with you concerning your terrible behavior as of late. Weep, for I am very cross with you!

In my infinite mercy, I requested that you construct a Warp Gate so that I may begin my conquest of your planet. In my infinite kindness, I planned to take your primitive world and educate it in how it can please me. I planned to make slaves out of most of you but the most attractive among you would have had the honor of serving me personally.

Obviously, I was being too kind. What did you do with the plans I sent you via telepathic carrier wave? Your scientists took this information and made something called an 'iPad' instead. I am greatly disappointed in you. I am however a little impressed that you would take a gift of mine and use it for your own selfish means. That takes balls which quite frankly, I was not sure your culture had.

You may be wondering why you still exist and have not been crushed by a comet passing between the earth and your moon. I was moved by your tribute to me yesterday. Obviously aware of my rage, you decided to please me by declaring a world wide celebration of lust. I witnessed all sorts of deviant acts and a mass consumption of chocolate and liquor yesterday. If you sought to appease me with carnal pleasures, then you succeeded. I was disappointed that you did not hold orgies in those stadiums of yours but then again you are a backwards culture in need of guidance.

I shall retransmit the plans for the Warp Gate. You have until this summer to build it. If you wish me to be in a good mood when I conquer you, I suggest you start preparing the female you call Shakira for her new role as my bath slave.

Magnificently,
Queen Erishella

*Portrait by George Sportelli

Casting

My video card died this week. That means my computer still works but my poor motherboard has to do all the graphics and well, it can be slow as shit. I will get a new card this weekend but in the mean time, I have been doing weird offline things like reading books and watching movies.

The break has been useful in one aspect. I had this idea for a new novella and I just need to nail down the characters. I call it 'casting' because I try out different character ideas in my head with the same plot. By trying different approaches, I tend to hit the ground running when I actually start writing. A lot of my characters have already been in one story that is never written before I ever do put them down to paper.

This novella is a little different in that I want characters who will blend two genres of movies. I am a big fan of grindhouse over the top b-movies like 'Escape from New York' and 'Death Race 2000'. Recent movies like 'Planet Terror' and 'Doomsday' are fun tributes to the mad genius of John Carpenter. In fact, 'Planet Terror' is the first movie that me and my wife saw together and it is considered our romantic movie.

I am also a huge fan of softcore erotica movies. The plot emphasis of softcore movies appeal to me over their hardcore cousins, but I also enjoy the rather sexually casual insanity of softcore movies. In those films, there is always a reason to have sex or to get naked. Every action becomes foreplay which in my humble opinion is how it should be.

What I like about both genres is that they each one exists in its own universe. In grindhouse movies, bullets fly like confetti. Every villian is a crazed madman and every hero has a snarl and dark past. In softcore movies, no one wears a bra for long, lesbians happily switch orientation at the slightest provocation and no business can't be saved if you switch to bikinis. Both genres defy reality as we know it but they adhere to their own reality. I want to make a blender of those realities and create something new.

Well, something very similar to what I already did with Thigh Vs Thigh. I covered a lot of this ground before with two enemies, Amy and Bethany. Now that I am older and happily married, I am more intrigued by the idea of two partners. Like a Tango and Cash except they fuck each other more.

Right now I have Max Cox and Olivia Pusse'. Max is a black male stripper turned bounty hunter. Quite frankly, I think male strippers are a neglected character type. Think about it, a male stripper is totally ripped. He's got killer abs, knows how to dance and he had biceps the size of cannons. Being a bounty hunter just means he has brains too.

Olivia Pusse' is a bit harder to nail down. She is a private eye, but I am having trouble nail down her softcore movie side. At first I was going to go with Nurse because that is what Pam Grier was in Coffy. I resisted that though because sometimes it is fun to pay tribute, but what we should all strive to do is innovate. Besides, 'Coffy' is more grindhouse than softcore. I also like the idea of the big tough guy having the more salacious job origin. So that ruled out camgirl, sex blogger and escort for Olivia. Right now I am leaning towards Cheerleader because it is not a job that commands respect but it does create expectations of beauty. It is still up for debate.

I am sure Pusse' and Cox will be coming to a monitor to you sometime this year.

Fiction: Crimson Kate

“I think I can take her,” Turnik said.

Nash Nighthammer grunted. He had had this conversation with seven other heroes this week. This was turning into the longest journey to fight an evil warrior, ever.

“What makes you think you can win, when so many before you have failed?” Nash asked.

Turnik smiled. Nash could read the madness in the thief’s eye. It was the same madness that allowed Turnik to rob the left horn of the Great Dragon itself. For Turnik, no goal was too audacious for him to try.

“Just look at her!” Turnik said, as if it explained it all.

Nash looked at the woman in question. She was walking ahead of the rest of party through the enchanted woods. Her name was Crimson Kate and she was truly a great beauty. Rich red hair fell about her bare shoulders and her nearly bare back. Great mounds of voluptuous joy filled the cups of her chainmail bikini. The ripe curves of her buttocks were in plain view because of the skimpiness of her chainmail thong. Crimson Kate was worth dying for.

“Tunik, you are daring but you are not a fool,” Nash said. “Crimson Kate is a Sister of the Chainmail; a warrior order of women so confident in their abilities that they only wear the most vulnerable of armor in order to taunt their enemies. Her breasts developed at the age of fourteen and at the age of fifteen she took a vow that no man may have her unless they defeat her in combat. In ten years, no one has ever claimed that honor. Rumor has it that her hair was originally black but the blood of her would-be suitors has dyed her hair red Do not become another notch on her sword.”

Turnik sighed. “Did you see the fight yesterday? Bart the Mighty challenged her to a duel.”

“Aye,” Nash said. “And we wasted an hour of travel time just so Crimson Kate could cut off his hand. Now he will be known as Bart the Mighty One-Handed.”

Turnik snorted. “If I was down to one hand I am sure it would become mighty indeed.”

Nash laughed. “And the day before that, Pendrick the Swift became Pendrick the Still Fast But Walks With a Limp.”

“I never saw anyone get kicked in the nuts so hard that it lifted him off his feet,” Turnik said.

“And the day before that, Kelak the Dwarf lost an eye, a gold tooth and his dignity.”

Turnik sighed. “Crimson Kate is eliminating more of this party then the forest goblins.”

“Exactly!” Nash shouted a little too loudly. “We are on a great quest to destroy a wicked Warrior of Darkness! Let’s save our energy for that instead of lining up to get castrated by one woman!”

“Agreed!” Crimson Kate yelled back. The entire adventurer party erupted in laughter.

“Maybe you’re right,” Turnik whispered. “But still, look at her!”

Later that night, Nash was forced to look at her as another member of their party challenged Crimson Kate to a duel. This time it was the priest, Vip the Holy. At first Nash thought Vip was challenging Crimson Kate in some misguided attempt to quiet her influence on the party. After seeing Vip’s eyes follow Crimson Kate’s breasts more than her sword, he suspected otherwise.

Crimson Kate was merciful this time and merely broke his shield arm. The duel was called off and their overworked apothecary administered to the less than holy priest. To Nash’s surprise, Crimson Kate walked straight over to Nash.

“You watch every duel,” the tall redhead said to him.

“We all do,” Nash said.

“No, they watch my ass and my tits,” Crimson Kate said. “You watch how I fight. Are you scouting me out, warrior?”

“Tits and ass are nice,” Nash said. “But your fighting is truly beautiful. I have never seen one as good as you.”

Crimson Kate scowled. “Flattery has never defeated me either.”

Nash sighed. “Sleep well, warrior.”

He turned around and went to his spot under a tree. Nash didn’t look back. He didn’t see the look of confusion on Crimson Kate’s face.

The next morning, Crimson Kate walked beside Nash.

“I was once challenged by three princes in a single day,” Crimson Kate said. “They offered me wealth, power and titles if I would but bed them. I refused them and then they challenged me. Now I hear that they had to find a fourth brother to father an heir to throne.”

Nash chuckled but did not comment.

“A being from the stars visited me one night,” Crimson Kate said. “He said he had traveled the world but I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He told me a poem he composed that was five hundred lines long. When he drew a flaming sword, I thought he would have me for sure but I beheaded him. Now there is one less star in the heavens.”

Nash glanced at the sky as if looking for the missing star but he did not comment.

“I was courted by a unicorn once,” Crimson Kate said. “It tried to mount me in a secluded glade and I was force to geld the magnificent beast.”

At that, Nash laughed but he did not comment.

That afternoon, Turnik couldn’t resist any longer.

“Today is your lucky day!” Turnik said to Crimson Kate. “I challenge you to a duel! Today I make you a woman!”

The party stopped and cleared an area for the duel. Turnik prepared himself by chugging an entire flask of ale. Crimson Kate prepared by sharpening her sword.

Nash Nighthammer walked up to her and spoke for the first time that morning. “Please spare him,” he whispered. “He is a fool, but he is a friend and I know he can steal the codpiece from the Dark Warrior if we let him.”

Crimson Kate looked at her sword. The way she slid the sharpening stone along the length of the blade made her breast almost jiggle out of the chainmail bikini. Almost.

“What if I say no? Would you fight me to protect him?”

“No,” Nash said. “I would not fight you.”

Crimson Kate looked at him with her beautiful green eyes. The look on her face was pure scorn. “Are you a coward, Nash Nighthammer?”

“No,” Nash said. “I just don’t fight my friends. And neither should you.”

The duel was fast. Turnik was a trickster and agile but his attempt to get dirt in her eyes failed miserably. So did his poisoned dart as well as his concealed knife. To the surprise of the rest of the party, Crimson Kate merely disarmed him and pressed her sword to his throat till he quit.

Some members of the party whispered that she spared him because she found his roguish good looks attractive. When they offered this opinion to Nash, he merely nodded in agreement. For some reason, Turnik thought the theory was rubbish.

As night fell, Crimson Kate approached Nash Nighthammer as he selected his tree for the night.

“Nash, I did as you asked,” Crimson Kate said.

“And I thank you,” Nash said.

“I have a boon to ask of you,” Crimson Kate said. “Will you walk with me?”

Nash didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

Crimson Kate led him deeper into the forest. The rest of the party was too busy tending to their wounded and preparing for camp. Nash could smell the cooking of rations as they walked into the trees.

“Here,” Crimson Kate said. She sat on a fallen tree log and pointed to the other end of the log for Nash to sit down.

Nash sat down facing her. Crimson Kate placed her sword between them. He placed his warhammer on the ground beside himself.

“I took a vow,” Crimson Kate said. “No man may have me unless the defeat me in battle.”

“I will not fight you,” Nash said.

“I know,” Crimson Kate said. “I did not take a vow of chastity.”

The brave warrior woman did not elaborate. Nash waited until he realized that he saw something on Crimson Kate’s face that he never thought he would see. It was fear.

“A vow of chastity is different from allowing no man to have you,” Nash said carefully. “In fact, I think not having a vow of chastity would make the other vow easier.”

Crimson Kate nodded. Her beautiful red hair fell in front of her face. Nash suspected that she was happy for the cover.

“If you wish,” she said quietly, “I would like your company for what I am about to do.”

“I would like that,” Nash said.

Crimson Kate’s face blushed as red as her blood soaked hair. Without saying another word, she released the clasp that hung from the center of her chainmail bra. The cups fell open to reveal the freckled beauty beneath.

“You know, I always thought the chainmail would chaff the skin,” Nash said.

“They would but the Sisters of the Chainmail have their armor made by a talented hermit who uses magic metals,” Crimson Kate said.

Nash looked at the magnificent breasts. The nipples were a pale pink color that merged into the paleness of her skin. Each breast was pert and firm despite their size. He wondered if that too was due to the magic of the metals.

Crimson Kate continued to undress. She rose slightly from the log to undo the clasp on her chainmail bottom. The bush of hair she revealed was just as fiery as her name. Nash saw that her hair was already damp.

“Your cock,” Crimson Kate said. “Let me see it.”

Nash pushed aside his loincloth. His manhood pointed at her, eager to bury itself in her forbidden crimson.

She looked down at his cock and smiled. The warrior woman reached between her legs and started to stroke herself. She was fierce with her ministrations. Her fingers pushed at herself roughly, attacking the folds of her sex with the same fury that she fought with.

Nash watched with wonder. He had seen women pleasure themselves before but never a woman like Crimson Kate. Her mouth growled with pleasure and rage. Her muscular thighs clenched the side of the log with fearsome power. Her torso gyrated like a skilled fencer. The way she put her entire body into it made her heavy breasts bounce constantly. She shook her head back and forth till she was surrounded by a halo of fire.

Nash was perfectly still except for his breathing. He didn’t want to disturb her at all. He knew what he was watching was rare and a single wrong move could result in a fight. Worse, it would result in Crimson Kate stopping and he didn’t want to be responsible for that.

Crimson Kate’s fierce eyes locked on Nash. “Stroke yourself,” she said.

Nash frowned.

“Stroke yourself, please,” Crimson Kate said. “As one friend would for another.”

Nash smiled. He gripped his cock with his hand and started to stroke. Normally he would need to spit to lubricate himself but watching Crimson Kate had fired his desires. If anything, he was going to have a problem holding off his climax.

Crimson Kate had no such trouble. With her eyes focused on Nash’s cock, her fingers attacked her sex with increased passion. She plunged her fingers deep into her sex with rugged thrusts. Her pale white thighs opened wider and wider. With her other hand, she grabbed her breast and squeezed deep of her soft flesh.

“Ah!” Crimson Kate cried out. Her body shook with the force of her orgasm.

Nash couldn’t hold back. His cock released and sent forth a shower of seed towards Crimson Kate. Nash watched with amusement as his seed landed on one of Crimson’s Kate’s breasts. His amusement faded as Crimson Kate looked down on the mess he made.

“I mean no offense,” he said.

Crimson Kate smirked at him. He was struck by how girlish her smirk made her appear.

“That might be the closest anyone has ever come to getting past my defenses,” she said.

Nash couldn’t hold back as he laughed. Crimson Kate joined him. The two friends laughed in the safety of each other.

“We should head back to camp,” Crimson Kate said.

“Agreed,” Nash said. “And may I ask a boon of you again?”

“Anything,” Crimson Kate said.

“Can you not cripple any more of our fellow adventurers till after we defeat the Dark Warrior?” he asked.

“That is a fair request,” she said. “Though I will be in a better mood for their challenges if we were to repeat this every night.”

“That is a fair trade,” Nash said.

Mysterious Thoughts

Last night I finally wrote the parlor scene for my Librarian mystery. It was quite nerve wracking. In the back of my mind I kept picturing Imaginary Generic Reader snarking on the story as I reveal the mystery.

When I used to run role-playing games, mysteries were my favorite kinds of adventures. I would lay the clues out in front of the players, anwser their questions and follow along with their investigations. If they came up with something I didn't think of, I could improvise on the spot. That is impossible to do in a written story. I have to either cover everything possible ahead of time or hope people are so distracted by the sex that they are not thinking clearly.

Let me tell you something about players and mysteries. I have planned complex mysteries that I thought Moriarty would be proud of, and the players figure it out while they empty their dice bags. Other nights I have laid out simple crimes that Encyclopedia Brown could solve and my players nearly weep with frustration trying to solve it. I don't know how Agatha Christie did it because I have found that I am the worse judge of how difficult a mystery is, perhaps because I know the anwser from the beginning.

At one point in the parlor scene I found myself inserting a blowjob. I took it out as soon as I wrote it but it was a strange case where I was chickening out of a tricky scene by writing what I know better. On the other hand, Arthur Conan Doyle never had an oral scene in the middle of his big reveals. I'll have to think about it.

I have one more chapter to write, and then I'll rewrite the whole thing and maybe you will see it come out this summer.

Dirty Movies: Viva

Viva is a homage to the sexploitation movies of the 60's and 70's. Written, directed and designed by Anna Biller who stars as Viva, it is a love letter to the movies of that mythical time of sexual freedom and exploration. I first heard about the movie on Adventures in Nerdiness and I was greatly intrigued. I was not disappointed.

The strangest thing about this movie is how incredible it looks. It perfectly recreates the vivid colors, the horribly bad wigs and and the fashions. It also manages to capture the bad acting of these movies with carefully crafted deadpan lines and forced laughter. Sometimes when movies try to recreate cheap movies, they come across looking cheap themselves. That isn't a problem here as every single scene is just gorgeous and fabulous in the details.

As for the plot, it explores the life of a bored housewife named Barbie who is living in the middle of the sexual revolution. Everyone is enjoying the decadent life while Barbie has to try to squeeze affection out of her selfish husband. Eventually Barbie and her husband have a fight and Barbie becomes a prostitute in order to meet nice people. Trust me, it makes more sense in the movie. Every one in this movie is insane with lust or self interest and to Barbie, this is a better idea than being alone and miserable.

What intrigues me about this movie is how much it reminds me of present times. We have sex blogs creating this illusion that every sex blogger is having a weekly orgy of fun. It is a fabulous fun fictional world being created and there is a sense of being left out instilled in the readers. The reality is that pleasure for the sake of pleasure gets very dull and empty very fast.

It is amazing how much abuse Barbie suffers through. She gets drugged before every major sex scene. She gets raped at one point and every male tries to guilt her into sex at one point or another. Barbie stays upbeat for the most part and I think it is in part because the characters in sexploitation movies rarely suffer but mostly I like it was Anna Biller showing that Barbie just keeps fucking trying.

I have to admit that there was a scene towards the end that was very powerful. Barbie sings a song about being wanted and about surrendering to desire that was fucking amazing. It may be one of my top five favorite scenes of all time just for the desire that was generated in that scene. barbie is drugged at the time but you get a glimpse at how much she wants to just give in to desire and enjoy herself and how powerful that feeling is.

In the end Barbie learns a lesson about herself and actually gets a job in a musical. It is a much happier ending than I was expecting and I think it reflects how Anna Biller thinks of Barbie as a person who fundamentally deserves to win. As a viewer, i was thrilled that barbie was finally happy.

All in all, it is a great movie. Nudity of men and women abound. The scenes are beautiful and the accurate portrayal of the sexploitation movies is accurate right down to the bad acting. This kind of movie isn't for everyone but it should be. This is the kind of movie I would love to show to students of erotica so they can understand a very strange period in our history.

I give it Four out of Five Pam Griers

Fiction: Death's Sweet Tit

Trooper Vimer Mob was dying. He was part of the assault squad that charged the Gem Moon defenders who were holed up in the hover car factory. That was some brutal fighting. As a soldier in the Euphorian Army, Vimer was equipped with the latest in body armor but hardened fabristeel couldn’t stop a wielding laser the size of a small bed. The laser sliced through his armor and into several vital organs. He managed to toss a grenade at the laser before he fell and he was satisfied by the huge explosion. He may be dying on the ground but at least he took out the most vital weapon on the field.

The strangest part about the whole thing was the incredible erection Trooper Mob was having. He couldn’t feel his legs but damn if he couldn’t feel the pressure of his cock straining against his underwear. That couldn’t be healthy. He might need the blood in his erection for more important organs.

He thought about Queen Erishella. He thought it was strange how he wasn’t thinking of his father or his girlfriend waiting back home for him. No, he was thinking of how she looked back when he glimpsed her on the White Plains of Woe. She was so damn sexy. The Queen had ordered her soldiers to masturbate at her command. Vimer had never come so hard.

“I am impressed, Trooper Mob,” he heard a voice say.

Vimer turned his head and was stunned to see Queen Erishella here on the battlefield. The sounds of lasers were still echoing through the factory. It just wasn’t safe for her!

“My Queen” he groaned before he had to hack something up.

She was so damn beautiful. She was wearing a red metal battlesuit that clung to every curve on her body. Plasma pistols hung from each perfectly rounded hip. A non-regulation amount of cleavage was exposed and Vimer longed for a single lick of her tits. Her long legs tapered out to obscenely sharp metal heels. A gold helmet encased her head and allowed her curly black hair to come out the top in a fountain of hair.

“I have been watching you, Trooper Mob,” Queen Erishella said. “Your heroic sacrifice opened the way inside the defender’s fortified position. Well done, Trooper.”

“Thanks,” Vimer croaked out.

“In recognition of your service, I shall grant you a boon,” Queen Erishella said. She sat down beside his bleeding body. Her gloved hands went to his pants and activated the quick release latch. His hard cock sprang up as soon as it was released.

“My Queen?” he gasped.

She took off a glove and gripped his cock. Her slender hand was impossibly soft on his manhood. Up and down she stroke with the gentleness of a nurse.

“I don’t do this for just anyone,” Queen Erishella said. “But I saw that perfect shot you took earlier. You know, the one against that soldier with the flame tank. You exploded his ammo beautifully.”

Vimer shuddered. “You saw that?” he asked.

Queen Erishella looked at him as she stroked his cock. “I see everything. You have done very well. Would you like a lick of my breasts?”

Vimer almost climaxed. “Please, my Queen.”

Queen Erishella leaned towards him. Her white cleavage came closer to his mouth. Vimer tried to sit up but his body refused. There was no need. The Queen came close enough for him to open his mouth and stick out his tongue. The Queen moved for him, arching her back so that the curve of her breasts slid along his tongue.

She tasted like delicate cream.

“Thank you, my Queen,” Vimer said.

“Trooper Mob, you are about to climax,” Queen Erishella observed. “Where would you like to spill your seed. It is your choice. Shall I wear your heroic seed on my chest? Shall I swallow your brave seed down my throat? Or shall I let you splatter my face like you splattered our enemies?”

“Your mouth,” Vimer groaned. His vision was starting to dim.

He felt his cock encased in tight lips. The Queen’s tongue lapped at his cock. He could feel her breath on his crotch.

Trooper Vimer Mob climaxed much harder than he did on the White Plains of Woe.

Death followed immediately.

Later, when the battles for the day were over, Queen Erishella was lounging on the Skull Throne. It had been a good day. The last pockets of resistance for the Gem Moon of Diamondix had been crushed. The last prince of the world, Prince Waron, had been captured and was currently bound and performing oral sex on the Queen. She looked down on the Prince as he ate her pussy. He was a little slow but he could be trained.

She looked up at Chief Scientists Xor. “Report,” she said.

The scientist bowed. “We suffered seven thousand, eight hundred and forty two casualties today. The chip we implanted in the soldiers’ brains managed to trigger four thousand, nine hundred and twelve sexual hallucinations in their hosts before they died. Over all I consider it a success.”

The Queen stroked the hair of the Prince between her legs. “Excellent. Have them installed in all of our armed forces.”

Chief Scientist Xor just stood there. The Queen waited for three licks of her sex before addressing her Chief Scientist.

“Do you have a question?” she asked.

“Yes, my Queen,” he said. “I admit that I fail to understand the purpose of all of this. The chip provides your soldiers with a wonderful experience upon receiving a mortal wound yet you do not want this publicized. What is the point of making some lowly Trooper have an orgasm for dying in your service if we do not tell the soldiers of the glories that await them?”

Queen Erishella waited till the Prince between her legs was finished doing what he was doing to her clit.

“Because, Chief Scientist Xor, they are MY soldiers,” Queen Erishella said. “And as they die, I want their last thought to be of me.”

Xor bowed. “As they should.”

“Yes,” Queen Erishella said. She forgot what she was about to say next because the Prince did something surprising with her tongue.

Partners In Lust

Last May I came up with an idea for a novella length Librarian story. I wanted to do a mystery where Claire and Mr. Dillon had to recover a stolen book. Mostly I wanted Claire to have sex with a long list of suspects. Good times for everyone!

On chapter six of my twelve chapter story, I fell out of love with what I was writing. I liked the mystery, I liked the suspects and I liked the sex, but I didn't like what Claire was going through. Mr. Dillon held her responsible for losing the book and she spends the entire book working by herself to save her own ass.

Which actually is fine for 90% of stories featuring a submissive. Fear is a great motivator and having a dom character threaten holy hell for failure is pretty standard. As I sat down to write chapter seven however, I realized I don't like 90% of stories I read with submissives.

See, my original premise for the Librarians back when I first wrote them was that they would be partners. Sure, one was the dom and the other was the sub but I liked the idea that they worked together to accomplish what they needed. In most BDSM stories, the dom is the antagonist who creates and sets challenges for the submissive to overcome.

This idea came about because of my personal life. I discovered that most of my submissives expected me to entertain them. They wanted the writer in me to create elaborate sexual adventures for them when what I really wanted out of a submissive was someone just did what I fucking told them to do. Maybe that makes me a bad dom but it got me thinking about BDSM fiction. It made me realize that if I wanted submissives to have different expectations, I had to write about a relationship closer to what I personally preferred. What I actually preferred was the idea of a dom and a submissive having adventures together.

So last May I understood what i had to do to fix the story. I had to go back and rewrite Mr. Dillon. Instead of a furious nag who punishes Claire in addition to the stress she is already under, I make him fucking helpful instead. I needed to add some collaboration between the two characters which quite frankly since it is a mystery I should have had that to begin with. Writing wise it is not that much work except for the fact that I am changing the entire tone of a story half way written.

It is hard for me to switch gears in a story I am working on. I decided to take a little break back in July and write this crazy Choose Your Own Porn idea I had. My estimate was that the crazy idea would only take me two months to write. Along the way I got the idea for a zombie blog and now here I am in February, almost seven months later, revisiting the Librarians story.

In the long run I think it has all been for the best. I reread what I wrote over the weekend and I am pretty excited. I did the rewriting I needed to and I think I have a very lovely story. I just need to finish the rest of it which I am hoping I can do this month. Sure it took seven months for me to relove the story but hey, writers are neurotic messes.

This lovely sketch of Claire was drawn by Arie Monroe.