Monday Musing

I could spend a lifetime
writing and taking pictures
about that perfect instant
of when a cock penetrates a lover
And I fear
I will never
get it right

Spanking Enlightment

She lays flat on her belly. Her arms tucked under her head with her legs together. The curve of her ass is just begging for my hand.

I start slow. Light light light taps. I'm bouncing my hand off her ass. I remember being a kid and learning how to dribble a basketball. It's that same touch. It's not about power or force as much as it is letting the motion work itself.

My hand moves left to right. I bounce off one cheek and then the other. The speed picks up. My palm tingles and I slow down. Light and easy.

She moans. It's a good moan. It is the moan you do when you slip into a hot bath. It is the moan of chocolate. It is the moan of stretching after sex. This feels good.

I remember when I used to make women do a different kind of moan. I spanked to terrorize. I spanked to spoil only myself. I spanked to hurt, to make them wince and to make them fucking notice I was there. I spanked like a bastard. I spanked like an angry teacher. I spanked to make them scream.

Now a days I only spank her. I spank because it makes her feel good. My precise blows are now a form of impact massage. My hand and all those cruel paddles are now just instruments of relaxation. When it starts to sting, I slow down. When it she starts to squirm, I strike gently.

I used to make fun of people like me. I called them spanking slaves. I rolled my eyes at the bottom who would make requests and I snickered at the tops who listened. Where was the terror? Where was the fear? What was the point if you're not making them tremble?

But now I get it. I don't have a wife who criticizes me non stop. I don't feel like the only time I get respect is when I wield a paddle. I don't have to justify every decision I make under the context that I am a sex obsessed goofball. I am a sex obsessed goofball but it's a fucking asset thank you very much. I'm not angry, I'm not tense, I'm not unhappy and swinging a paddle to somehow spank my way back into self respect.

I don't have to spank a beautiful ass to feel good about myself. I spank a beautiful ass because it makes her shoulders unclench, it makes her sleep better and some days but not always, she rolls over and begs me to fuck her. I spank her because it makes her happy and I am glad to be a part of that.

It doesn't hurt that it is such a beautiful ass.

Satyr Comission

I can't beleive I have not posted about this yet. Back at Dragon*con 2007, I came across this fantastic artist. Satyr was a concept artist who's work I recognized without ever putting a name to his work. I was flipping through his portfolio shaking my head as I saw image after image that I had admired over the years.

He was offering to do commissions and I knew I wanted something out of him. So did just about every one else there. In the twenties minutes that I had been admiring his work, about a dozen people came up with their laptops to get a commission. See, he draws wonderful sketches of people's Worlds of Warcraft characters. You may snicker, but in the short time I saw him, he was swamped with people who fucking loved this guy. He was their God and they could not stop praising him.

I bring this up because Satyr could not have been any more humble and cool to deal with. I have seen and met some artists who you can tell derive their power from their ego. I have seen minor artists with a smidgen of fame go mad with power. Satyr was a fucking rock star in the Dragon*con art area and he was more humble than he had any right to be.

We chatted for awhile and I told him to do something like the female out of Metropolis. He kept trying to get details out of me but I was pretty vague. As a writer, I feel creativity is something works best in the wild. When I pay for a commission, I try to limit myself as much as possible so that the artist can fill up the empty space with their imagination. I think my exact words were something like this-

Metropolis world
Pinup model robot girl
Big breasts would be nice

Now let me tell you something else. This guy wrote my request down in this fat notebook. I am an obsessive note taker but Satyr's book was an ass-kicker. That thing was thicker than my fist and it was crammed with commission orders. In the time we were talking, I think two other people submitted their requests. I am saying the guy was slammed with work. I didn't expect to see my piece till next Dragon*con.

I got an e-mail three weeks later with a preliminary sketch. Four weeks after that, I got the finished art. Damn. That guy rocks.

Click on the picture for giant size glory.

Monday Kink Recovery

So what did you go this Easter?

R.I.P. Arthur C Clarke

The way this month is going I shouldn't have worried about not having enough fresh material for posts. Creative people who have influenced me are dying left and right and I am getting a little depressed about it. Steve Gerber, Dave Stevens, Gary Gygax and now, Arthur C Clarke. In fact, let me say this:

Creative people stop dying!!!!

Arthur C. Clarke was a big inspiration to me and that may surprise some of you. As a teenager, I read 2001 and I was struck by how believable the artificial intelligence,HAL 9000, was. I mean, I loved R2-D2 but even my naive young self knew that the droid was a character and was designed by movie makers. HAL 9000 felt like he was designed by programmers. His actions and his responses felt like anticipated responses. This fascinated me and was one of my first steps to thinking about how I think. It also got me started on taking basic programming classes in High School which taught me tons about critical thought and preparation.

Hey, remember when science fiction got you interested in real science instead of interested in thirty years of convoluted continuity and hot actresses?

Erotica Alert Level: Slow Steady Blue

I am currently writing a nice little four part story that I will post as a week long event in the near future. After a maddening five attempts at writing the first chapter I am now enjoying the story. I swear, I have not had this much trouble starting a story in ages. It's funny that I spend a week plotting out the story but spared apparently twenty seconds on how to start the damn thing.

The curse of blogging is that the larger the project you are working on, the less creativity you have on filling the blog with content in the meantime. Blogging is a brutal pace, demanding new content three to five times a week. While I am tying together five characters into a cohesive narrative, I really don't want to stop and polish up a witty post that has nothing to do with my real passion. When I get into long story mode, writing short posts is like masturbating when I could be fucking a hot Island Princess.

I wish I could post an image of an hour glass so that when people come by they can see the hour glass and go "Oh, he's still writing." An hour glass isn't too sexy though. I need an image that Shon's busy making hot stuff. What to use, what to use . . .

How about Pam Grier taking a shower? Does that work?



This scene is from Friday Foster, which is a fantastic movie by the way. Carl Weathers plays one a great relentless assassin who can't seem to catch a damn break when it comes to one lovely photographer. This movie taught me the valuable lesson that "A pimp doesn't lose track of his stable." This movie also features 'the black Howard Hughes', a 10 year old hustler who steals from his sister's gifts, Eartha Kitt playing a crazed fashion designer and a stereotypical black gay man from the 70's.

Divorced Past Tense

The best part about my divorce hearting was that the woman handling my case had the same last name as eternal crush subject, Pam Grier. Oh, the fact that I am now actually divorced.

The process was unnecessarily complicated and grumpy from the less than fine court staff I had to deal with. It had a strange effect of calming me down. The ruder people were, the more I realized that these court people weren't judgmental avatars of law, They were the self centered low empathy people that cut you off in traffic and can't figure out why no one invites them to the cool parties.

So I got this shiny piece of paper that says I am divorced. Instead of excited I just wanted to take a 12 hour long nap. Wow. It's like having a term paper that was due forever and I finally finished the sucker. I don't have any feelings about the divorce itself. I just have this tremendous sense of relief that the paperwork, legal reading and court processes is over. Maybe I am in shock but I am just glad to have this weight off my shoulders.

I should write something.

Divorce Court

D-day is here. I go down to the divorce court for my hearing and get my official ruling on my marital status.

I of course am crazy anxious. I don't fear any outcome in particular as much as I am just terrified in general. I want it to be over. I want to have it done off screen. I want to be able to think straight. I just have to make it through today.

One of the nice surprises I had this morning was a lot of new reference hits from live journal. They are all landing on my new Dungeon Mistress story which is pretty cool. When I came up with the story I wasn't sure if people would respond to it but people seem to like a little sex with their Dungeons and Dragons.

I want to welcome all new readers and assure you that after my court date today, I will be far less whiney. Though in a weird way I am not sure what I will be like after today. I spent 14 years in a codependent relationship. I have spent the last three months outside that relationship but I am still learning how to be a person. In so many ways, this divorce is just a formality but in some very serious legal ways it is the start of a new life.

I wish it was tomorrow already.

Fiction: Dungeon Mistress

Kate had that look again. Her face was flushed and her eyes were half closed. I could see her hard nipples under that tight red tank top. She licked her lips and bit her bottom lip. Kate was about to fuck one of us up.

“Anthony, your character looks up just in time to see a panel in the ceiling open up. A heavy scythe comes swinging out and aiming for your chest. Roll your reflex save against a difficulty of 20.”

“Fuck!” Anthony said. Steve, Derrick and I laughed. Anthony had the worse dexterity stat out of all of us.

Anthony rolled his twenty sided die. It came up five.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Anthony said.

Kate laughed. We could hear her rolling dice behind her game screen. “Ouch,” she said in mock concern. “You take twelve points of damage.”

“Fuck!” Anthony yelled again. He took of his shirt and threw it to the floor. It joined his pants and shoes. Anthony was down to his underwear and he had less then ten hit points left.

Kate’s little rules made Dungeons and Dragons so much more interesting.

To read more, click Whole Post


“Tough luck,” Steve said. The bastard was gloating. His character was pretty healthy. He didn’t have any treasure yet but as soon as one of us died, he could just loot our dead characters’ bodies. Steve was patient.

“Yeah yeah, what’s down the corridor?” asked Derrick. Patience wasn’t one of Derrick’s virtues. He also had a ruby worth five hundred gold pieces that was making it worse. He wanted the rest of us to go ahead and die so he could turn that ruby in for a blowjob from Kate.

Kate licked her lips which I am sure didn’t help Derrick’s ability to control himself. “The corridor opens into a large room lit by flickering torches. You can see another corridor leading out on the opposite side. In the middle of the room are three statues with gems set between their breasts. The statues are of naked women and are easily ten feet tall.”

“Gems?” I said. Here was a chance to catch up with Derrick. “What kind?”

“You can’t tell from the hallway,” Kate said. She brushed her long red hair out of her face. “You want to step in the room and get a closer look?”

“Fuck no,” I said. “Anything lurking on the ceiling?”

“No,” Kate said.

“The floors have any weird tiles that we can see?” asked Steve.

“No,” Kate said.

“Now when you say statues, what kind of material do they look like they are made of?”

Before Kate could answer, Derrick scooped up his dice. “To Hell with this, I walk in and go to the statue with the biggest gem. I have my long sword and my shield ready. If something moves, I slash the shit out of it.

That’s what I love about Derrick. The dumb ass cuts right to the trap.

“I like a man with guts,” Kate said. She bit her bottom lip as she read her notes. “The biggest gem is a nice looking emerald on the center statue. Do you want to pry it out of the statue’s chest?”

“Hell, yeah,” Derrick said. “Emeralds are good for a tit job, right?”

Kat ran a finger down from her neck to her cleavage. “Yes.”

“I pry that emerald out, ready to slice the statue if it comes to life.

“What about you guys? What are you doing?” Kate asked.

“I’m too low on hit points,” Anthony said. “I get my bow ready. I’ve got arrows +2 ready in case they are magical.”

Steve laughed. “They have to be magical. I get my war hammer ready and get about ten feet from them. If they come to life, I want to see them coming.

“What about you, Jim?” Kate asked.

I looked at my character sheet. I was down 15 hit point and lost my shirt with nothing to show for it. If there was a really nasty trap like I thought there was, then the treasure might get destroyed. Even if I was the last player alive, surviving with no treasure just gets you a hand job from Kate. I had to start getting proactive.

“While Derrick is working on that statue, I go ahead and start prying one out of the other statues. What do they have?”

Kate smiled. “The one on the left holds a garnet and the one on the right is a sapphire.”

Hot damn. Did I want ten minutes playing with her tits or did I want a lapdance? I took another look at her tight tank top and decided I want to suck on those tits.

“I’ll get the garnet. But I am being really careful. I’m trying to take it out gently and I am not touching the statue at all.”

“All right,” Kate said. “Smart move, Jim. The garnet almost falls out and into your hand, as if your respect for the statue has caused it to give up its treasure. As for you, Derrick, as soon as you start grunting and pulling at the emerald, the statue comes to life. Every one needs to roll for initiative.”

The table rumbled with our dice rolls.

“I have a 17,” Steve said.

“With my feat bonuses, I have a 24, bitches,” Anthony said.

“19”, I said.

All Derrick said was “Shit.” He had rolled a 1.

Kate took control of the game. She was all business when combat broke out. My cock pulsed as soon as I heard the steel in her voice.

“Anthony, you’re first.”

“Is only Derrick’s statue alive?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Well I do nothing then,” Anthony said. “I would take a shot with my bow but I might hit Derrick.”

“Take the shot, asshole!” Derrick said. “I need all the help I can get.”

“Fuck you,” Anthony said. “It’s not worth getting disqualified.”

I had to laugh. Derrick insisted on the rule forbidding players from killing each other since the massacre at Dwarf Hill. We had backstabbed each other so much that all of us got wiped out by the ghosts in the final burial chamber. Ever since then, we made hitting each other punishable by disqualification. There is nothing like losing your shot at sex to keep an adventurer group in line.

Of course, that rule said nothing about just letting a party member die.

“Jim, it’s your turn,” Kate said.

“If the statue is not attacking me, I walk carefully to the statue with the sapphire and very gently get the gem out like I did last time.”

“You guys are a bunch of cock suckers,” Derrick said.

“You do the same thing and easily get the sapphire,” Kate said. “The statue in front of Derrick goes now. It swings its arm in a powerful arc right at you, Derrick. It hits an armor class of 19.”

“That nails me, “ Derrick said.

Kate rolled another die. “The statue hits you for 16 points of crushing damage.”

“Christ,” Derrick said. He took off his pants and his socks and added them to the pile. He was down to his underwear.

Kate’s face was flushing. Combat and stripping always got her hot. “What do you do, Steve?”

Steve sighed. “Since Jim already got the other gem, I’ll help Derrick out. I engage and attack with my war hammer. I hit an armor class of 9.”

“Not enough. It’s your go, Derrick.”

“Just run, man,” Anthony said. “You might survive the free hit.”

Derrick shook his head and pointed at Kate’s buxom chest. “And let Steve claim the emerald? I don’t think so.”

Rule #4- you kill it, you loot it. It was another one of Kate’s rules. If two or more people kill something, than we roll dice to determine who gets to claim the treasure. Steve once suggested that we share the treasure and have sort of an orgy victory party after every game. Kate has a low opinion of that. She said she only fucked winners.

The funny thing is that Derrick had a blow job owed to him for his ruby but he was going to risk it all for a tit job. This game makes people do crazy things.

“I attack,” Derrick said. “I hit an armor class of 17.”

“That’s a hit,” Kate said. “Roll for damage.”

“7 plus three, add my feat bonus is umm, 12.”

“Nice job,” Kate said. “You chopped the head right off.”

“Yes!” Derrick said.

“Don’t forget I helped!” Steve threw in.

“Don’t celebrate yet,” Kate said. “A cloud of green gas sprays out of the broken statue, filling the area. Steve and Derrick, make fortitude saves against a difficulty of 25. Jim, you’re just out of the blast radius.”

They frantically rolled their dice.

“Shit,” Steve and Derrick said together. Both of them had failed. I saw Anthony clench his fist in excitement.

It’s funny. I remember when we used to play before Kate joined us. We played as a team, taking down dungeon after dungeon like an all star army. Now we celebrate each other’s demise and fight like starving dogs to claim our prize. There are days when I almost miss the way we used to play but then I think of Kate. I think of her tits around my cock. I think of the sounds she makes when I slip inside her. I think of the one time I found a diamond and that that let me slip inside her tight ass. Christ, the way we used to play was fun but this, this was thrilling. My heart was pounding and my cock gets hard every time I get past another trap.

“Tough luck guys,” Kate said. “You each take 18 points of damage from inhaling the cursed gas.”

“Damn,” Derrick said. “I’m dead.” He stood up and took off his underwear. Despite the fact that we had seen each other’s cocks plenty of times in the last couple of months, we all found some excuse to look away. Kate didn’t though. She blew his hard cock a kiss. I think she liked eliminating us as much as she did fucking us.

“Well shit. Are there any other effects from the gas?” Steve asked.

“How long are you going to wait to find out?” Kate said.

“Fuck that, let’s keep moving,” Steve said.

“You sure?” I said. “We could wait and see what nasty thing happens to you next.”

Steve laughed. “If I am living on borrowed time, I want to keep moving. Maybe you assholes will die before I die of poison.”

“First things first,” Anthony said. “What about the ruby Derrick was carrying?”

“Oh, it’s in his backpack,” Kate said. “The backpack covered in poison dust. Maybe the poison has lost its potency. Want to risk it and dig the ruby out?

Anthony, Steve and I looked at each other. Derrick laughed. We thought about saving throws, medieval methods of handling poisonous matter and how deep Kate can get a cock down her throat.

As for Kate, she sat back and stayed quiet. Our Dungeon Mistress loved to see how far we would go for more of her treasures.

Macho Women With Guns

While cleaning out my role-playing games, I came across this blast from the past. 'Macho Women With Guns' was a parody game that came out in 1988. Designed by Greg Porter, this game was a sarcastic rant against the current gaming industry. This was before Xena and Buffy so role-playing games marketing was rather aggressively targeted against horny males. A book about Dragon eating habits and spell lore would sport a full color cover of a half naked female lounging seductively on a pile of gold. Imagine Frazetta covers without the self restraint.

So this parody game was made to make fun of the pervasive female art that was slapped onto the covers of geeky rulebooks. To no one's surprise and the original designer's horror, people loved the game. It turns out that geeky guys who bought sexy covers wanted to actually do something with those half naked warrior chicks.

The original game was barely 12 pages of combat rules. All you did was make a character, and shoot the shit out of things on a map. Because it is a parody game from the 80's, the things you shot at include Killer Rabbits, Hellkittens, Drunken Frat Boys, Congressional Subcommittees, TV evangelists and Isaac Azathoth. You had a selection of guns to choose from, and the option to make your character top heavy which gave you some penalties but on the plus side it made you have big tits.


I always thought the best part was that you HAD to play a Macho Woman. You had to play the object of your lust therefore creating a symbiotic understanding of how it feels to be treated like a life support system for a pair of breasts. Who am I kidding? I have seen grown men argue over who's character had the bigger tits and which character could suck down the most aliens. It's a game about some of our basest interests which in my opinion, is a fun thing.

In true gamer fashion, there were sequels. 'Batwinged Bimbos From Hell' covered playing demon girls with wings. 'Renegade Nuns on Wheels' covered vehicles and holy sluts. A last supplement came out called 'The Final Chapter Part One' which became a sort of over view for the supplements so you could have handy information in one place. Yes, the definition of a gamer geek is that even when playing top heavy demonic bimbos, you still want to make sure all the rules are right.

Eons later, the franchise was resurrected with a D20 version. For non-gamers out there, think of a D20 version as if someone took your old Atari games and made them playable on your Windows XP. At 40$ it was most difficult purchase I ever made in front of my wife. It's the same wacky chauvinistic attitude with a lot more to offend people with. I like it for its sheer audacity. I mean, if I spend an hour making a barbarian warrior with D20 rules, at least the character now has oral skills, a Ralph Lauren fur bikini and a breast size that was determined by a complex math formula.

What amazes me is how far we have come. Tomb Raider, Xena, Le Femme Nikita and the hundred and one gun toting babes from Stargate and Star Trek have made Macho Women a standard where they were once a parody cliche. The game started as a joke based in base sexual impulses but after a few decades, our desires are refined into mainstream entertainment.

*Bonus* Below is a sheet of cut-out characters. Print them, cut them and amaze your friends!

Kentucky Divorce

Me: Hey Ashley, want to come with me to my divorce court proceedings next week?

Ashley: Are you asking me to your divorce? That's so sweet!

Me: Judges love it when the husband shows up with another woman! Besides, it will be good experience for you if you have to get a divorce.

Ashley: Oh God, I hope I don't have to get the divorce in Kentucky just because I got married there.

Me: In Kentucky, the divorce judge makes all of his decisions based on how good your chicken cooking is.

Ashley: Oh no! You mean who ever has the better tasting chicken gets the house?

Me: That's right. It's like Iron Chef except instead of celebrity judges, it's all determined by one cranky Kentuckian judge who used to be a colonel.

Ashley: And do you have to make potatoes and corn on the cob?

Me: No, that's only if there is children involved. You have to make one side for each child.

Ashley: What about biscuits?

Me: That's how they determine the 401K.

Ashley: What does dessert determine?

Me: Ummm, I've got nothing.

Ashley: That's okay, we can talk about at the courthouse.

Me: Judges love it when you ridicule the process!

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Dice Bags at Half Full

Gary Gygax is dead.

Sigh.

Dungeons and Dragons was a key element to taking all of my creativity and making coherent stories. It was also a gateway into a hobby of gaming I still enjoy to this day.

I want to tell a short story about how pervasive role playing games are. Recently I shared a board game with some of my bdsm community friends. It's called 'Betrayal of House on the Hill', and it's a Hell of a game. I hadn't played it in a while and me explaining the rules to people who don't usually play these kinds of games was rather painful. There was a Hell of a learning curve and we both struggled.

Near the end of the game, one woman who was more known for her spankable ass than her dice slinging had to play the monster. I was a bit worried. The woman kept saying the game was too complicated, that she didn't understand all the dice rolls we were doing or what the character stats meant. She was not the most confused player that night but she was pretty darn confused. I kept telling myself it was my own damn fault for trying to play with non-gamers but we made the best of it.

The Monster was narrowly defeated and the woman almost pouted. "What? There's no saving throws or anything?"

I looked at her. "I am tempted to give you one just for knowing what a saving throw is. I mean, saving throws? You acted like you have never played anything before."

She shrugged. Apparently admitting how much you like threesomes and ass-whippings is more acceptable than admitting you once slinged dice.


Do not mourn for Gary's passing. He'll roll up another character and be back with us before we know it.